A question for TEENS… what do YOU want? (A NaNoWriMo Post)

(1) What are the five BEST or most important qualities you look for in a compelling YA novel?

#1: Dialog: Lots of it! A few phrases of flowery descriptions scattered in here and there between dialog is fine, but when you start writing page after page after page of descriptions, I start falling asleep. There should be dialog on every page. More than 50% (maybe even 75%) of your book should be dialog. The remaining should be largely action.

#2: Characters I Can Identify With: If I’m looking at your character and thinking – “What the hell is she doing? I’d never be that stupid/mean/prissy/whatever!” you can be sure that I will never get to the end of the book. I want a believable character.

By believable I don’t mean realistic either. Okay – so she has wings and flies – great, I’m cool with fantasy stuff, fantasy stuff is not what I mean when I say believable. If people shoot fire from their fingertips in your universe, I can go along with that. No, what I mean is, when your MC starts acting like some flat bland stereotype who can’t think for themselves. I don’t like characters that feel like you just randomly pulled them out of a hat.

I need to know that this character is “real”. Give them goals, emotions, family, problems, flaws, hopes, dreams, a favorite food, etc. Have them act real. Have them worry about things. Family problems are always in the back of your mind – “What will mom think if I do this?”, “How can I spend time trying to solve this mystery when Granddad’s in the hospital?”, “I hope I get home before dad finds out I’m gone” . . . etc. Little things like that, make the character seem more real. It tells me that – hey, she’s got the same worries and fears I do. It tells me that – hey, in spite of everything else, she made it.

#3: Third Person: Third person point of view is easier to read than first person. I don’t know why, but I find it hard to read most first person stories. Not all – Edgar Alan Poe is amazing and most of his stuff was first person, but it was really well written. That’s the problem. Most times first person is not well written. Usually first person seems dull, bland, and like the author was too lazy to try to do anything else.

Sure, third person is harder to write and takes a lot more effort to write well, but guess what – by putting more effort into your writing, you end up writing a better story!

#4: Adult characters, plus, heroes to admire, and villains to defeat: Not just bad guys, but actual villains. Evil monsters from the great beyond, mad scientists with devious plans, black hearted emotionless vampires that stalk the streets leaving bloodless bodies in their wake, psychopathic machine gun toting circus clowns with a macabre sense of humor, evil snake obsessed wizards bent on controlling the world, megalomaniac robots from space plotting global domination, EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Real bad ass villains that scare the day lights out of you and make you think this guy is really going to win, the hero will never make it. You know – the type of villain that just walked out of Doctor Who episodes or Batman comic books or Harry Potter. Why aren’t there more books like Doctor Who out there? An adult hero who fights adult villains and scary (though somewhat fake) monsters? And I seriously believe that Harry Potter was so successful because it had a REAL villain in it. YA so rarely has a villain that comes across as pure evil, the way Voldemort did.

In the 1950’s kids books had Super Heroes and Super Villains. Today if we want to see super heroes and super villains we are forced to look for them in comic books. What ever happened to the overblown heroes we could look up to to fight off the overblown villains and monsters that lurked in the night? Come on! Toddlers every where love being terrified by Dracula and I was reading blood splattered Batman comics when I five years old for crying out loud! It’s not like a bloodsucking vampire or gangster clown with a machine gun is too adult for me! Just because you are writing for kids and teens doesn’t mean you have to give us wimpy bad guys.

Look at the classic YA novels – Dracula, The Phantom of the Opera, The Time Machine, Jane Eyer, War of the Worlds, Moby Dick, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, The Three Musketeers, Retief, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Conan, A Christmas Carol, Frankenstein, The Island of Dr Moureo, Flash Gordan, The Invisible Man, Star Trek OS, etc. Not a kid in sight. Adult characters. Big bad villains. Strong heroes we can look up to. Why doesn’t any one write thing kind of stuff any more? YA books used to be fun. Books today are too serious, too much classroom/schoolyard setting, too much focus on reality. A sense of escapism is good some times. Everything doesn’t have to take place in school you know! Characters can go to far off places and distant galaxies every one in a while. A bit of a break from reality is good for the mind. Why can’t characters today loosen up and have some fun adventures? Why aren’t books today fun?

Why does every one now a days think that the characters HAVE to be teenagers in order for the book to be YA? Why can’t adults be the MCs in YA books any more? They used to be.

#5: Male Characters I prefer reading a book heavy in male characters. Why? Several reasons. For one thing I’m a girl and I just love an MC that I can fall head over heels for (preferable an adult man whom I can dream about as being my future *knight in shining armor* dream guy). Secondly, whenever a girl is the MC she is phony and stereotyped and I can’t stand that. Either she’s a whiny idiot, a complete dolt, a slutty trash mouthed gang chick, or a priss-ant snob. Why can girls be girls? Why must they always be cookie cutter stereo types?

(2) What are the five WORST things… the ones that make you go “blech” and put the book back on the shelf?

#1: Red Herrings — ICK! I hate them. Yesterday I was reading a YA mystery and it was going along pretty good and I thought I knew what was happening. Than in the last chapter the MC’s best friend solves the case by saying: “I know who did it! Last week I was reading a magazine about actor so-and-so. It was him! He did it!”. Than they tell an adult who says, yep, actor soand-so is in town, I’ll bet he did do it. Than they rush to the hotel and viola! There is actor so-and-so and they say – “You did it and we know it!” He admits he did it. The End.

I sat there wondering – What the Hell just happened? I reread the book again, thinking I must have missed something. Nope. I didn’t. No where in the 15 chapters prior, to the final chapter, did actor so-and-so ever get mentioned. No where did MCs best friend ever read a magazine or mention that she had done so. Through out each chapter, tons of clues were dropped that pointed to 3 different characters, all of whom were prime suspects. Reading the book, you thought it was going to be one of those 3 characters. Than suddenly 5 pages before the end, the MCs friends remembers that at some point waaaaaaay before the book started she remembered reading about some guy who was never mentioned at all, and he did it? How the hell is a reader supposed to figure out the bad guy was some one who wasn’t even in the book to begin with!!!!!!!

I hate it when a Red Herring shows up like that. No matter how good the book was, if it ends with a Red Herring (some one that was never in the book to begin with) being the one who did it, I’ll suddenly hate it and it’s author and I will never read another book by that author again because I feel like they gypped me.

#2: Sex and Drugs and oh F*@K that B!&@H to Hell! look at that more sex and drugs — ICK! I hate this. I really, really, REALLY HATE this! Sex on every page. All the kids on drugs-smoking-drinking-etc, and every other word out of every kids mouth being a swear. Come on people! Let kids be kids not trash mouthed gang bangers! How many REAL kids do you know who act like this?

What ever happened to the average girl? Sure she may swear once in a while. Yeah, maybe she did a couple of bad things. Maybe her parents are poor and she grew up on the wrong side of town, Okay – so she’s not perfect, but heck, you don’t have to make her sound like she’s on a one way road to a life sentence! No body is all bad, and no body is perfect. Give your character flaws, yes, but don’t go overboard with it! I want a character I can identify with, not one I want to see the cops hand cuff and drag away!

Dear Author: I don’t know what kind of schools YOU went to but man, if they really did spend all their time focusing on sex and drugs and teachers were letting the kids swear in class – man – your town REALLY has some MAJOR problems! Maybe instead of preaching at kids through your books, maybe you should be out in front of your town hall petitioning for better school funding to get the sex and drugs out of the school so the kids in your school would stop acting like sluts and gutter whores! By making your MCs act like low life trash, all you are doing is telling other kids it’s all right to be a worthless nothing going no where in life.

And one more thing – why is it that EVERY SINGLE homeless teen in YA fiction is homeless because they ran awat from home, got pregnant, or are dealing drugs? You want to write about homeless teens, maybe you better talk to a few REAL ones first – I’ll raise my hand and go first, because guess what? I’m homeless. I live under a tarp. You find out quickly who your REAL friends are when one day you have a “normal” life and the next day you lose everything to a flood. People love you because of what you own, not because of who you are – once you become homeless you become friendless – without your possessions to attract people to you, you are on your own and all alone with not a single friend to talk to or turn to for help – that is the biggest lesson I learned during my time being homeless. You want to find out what it’s like to be homeless? Try reading this interview with a REAL homeless person (me) http://www.squidoo.com/OnBeingHomeless2

#3: I’m better than you, I got money! — ICK! I hate this too. Rich girls (or guys) with brand new cars (4 or 5 of them), who are members of every high priced social club in the state and eat nothing but caviar. Come on people! How many REAL girls act like this?

What ever happened to the average girl? Sure she may act snobby once in a while. Yeah, maybe her parents do own half the town. Maybe she did get her first car at age 16 and likes to show it off, Okay – so she’s not perfect, but heck, you don’t have to make her sound like she kicked God off the thrown and is about to take over the galaxy with all her money!

Dear Author: I don’t know what kind of town YOU grew up in but man, if they really did spend all their time focusing on showing off how rich they were – I don’t know. Maybe instead of preaching at kids through your books, maybe you should move to a new town where their are people you fit in with better so you don’t have to let your inferiority complex show through your characters. By making your MCs act like silver spoon rich trash, all you are doing is telling other kids it’s all right to be a worthless nothing who spends life looking down on others.

Why do characters either have to be one extreme or the other? Can’t you have REGULAR girls in your books? Why do they always have to be teenage gang banger sluts or teenage future Ivana Trump priss-ants? Can any one say Stereotype cliche? Give us some believable REAL characters once in a while. Your characters need a happy medium some where between all bad and all goody two-shoes.

No body is all bad, and no body is perfect. Remember that. It’s important! Repeat it one hundred times every time you create a new character! No body is all bad, and no body is perfect.

#4: I sit here thinking about the beautiful purple sunsets sending rays of light across the green grassy hills and listening to the sound of pretty blue feathered song birds as they sing their songs of . . .

YAWN . . . . So when is the story going to start? Or when are we going to get back to the characters? Or, you know, when are we going to do something, ANYTHING?

A few phrases of flowery descriptions scattered in here and there between dialog is fine, but when you start writing page after page after page of descriptions, I start falling asleep. There should be dialog on every page. More than 50% (maybe even 75%) of your book should be dialog. The remaining should be largely action.

You can tell me that on your planet the trees are blue, but don’t tell me the entire biology lesson on the hows and why of the tree being blue. So it’s blue. That great! Now get on with the action. What else is the character doing besides noticing that the trees are blue? Is there someone hiding behind the blue tree? Why did the character tell me the tree was blue? Why purpose does the blue tree have in your plot? I’m not a botanist, I don’t need to know what every plant on your planet looks like and why it looks that way – all I care about is what your MC is doing.

Less prose – more action. Less prose – more dialog. Give me a fast read, don’t slow me down with flowery purple prose.

#5: I’m Not Stupid – Don’t Talk Down To Me and Preach at Me!

Don’t waste an entire chapter telling me why lions live in Africa and Tigers live in China. If I wanted to know that, I’d have looked for it on Wikipedia. Don’t spend 3 pages telling me the symptoms of cancer. Tell me your MC has cancer and move on to how she deals with it. If I want to know the symptoms and details of treatment, I’ll read a medical journal. Okay, so maybe I don’t know where Yorkshireville Town is. If I want to know, I’ll look it up on Google Earth, I don’t need you to give detailed directions. I’m not planning on a trip there, I just want to read your novel.

Remember that you are writing a story not a dictionary. You are writing a story not a medical journal. You are writing a story not a travel guide. You are writing a story. Stop explaining every thing to me and just tell the story! Don’t act like I’m a retard and stop the story to explain everything. I’m smarter than you think. I know what you mean, and if I don’t know, I know how to look it up and find out for myself. Just stick with the story and nothing but the story. Stop talking down to me like I’m a little kid who don’t know nothing!

You got a chip on your shoulder? You got a cause to promote? You got an issue to protest? You want to save my soul from hell by getting me to join your church? Write a pamphlet and hand it out on the streets – build a web site – start a blog – do something to tell people about it, but don’t take it out on me your reader! Sure, maybe I agree with you, maybe I want to support your cause too, but there is a right way and a wrong way to get supporters, and strategically lacing your novel with preaching and lectures is the WRONG way to do it! Just stick with the story and nothing but the story. Stop preaching to me like I’m the enemy!

(3) What one thing do you wish there were more (or less) of in YA fiction?

Vampires.

I want more vampires. And yet, I want less vampires. Actually, I want vampires to be vampires. Just tell your vampire he is a vampire and that he had better start acting like one fast or you are going to kick him out of your book.

Glittery skin – okay, that’s cool. I like glittering skin. (Hey, I love Liberace~!) I’m okay with the whole sparkling vampires thing, I’d like to see more vampires that sparkled. Oh wait. I haven’t seen a vampire that sparkled yet, have I? Nope. I haven’t.

Vampires are mean. Vampires are evil. Vampires rape teenage girls. Vampires drink blood. Vampires slash your throat. Vampires kill you. Vampires are scary. Vampires are . . . well, vampires! If you don’t know what a vampire is, or you think you might know but you aren’t sure – READ DRACULA. Dracula was a vampire. A REAL vampire. Everything I just listed above – Dracula did, and he did it a lot. Dracula was a vampire. Dracula was evil. Dracula did things that Edward couldn’t even comprehend.

Every where I turn I see a new vampire book. I grab it and start reading it and than I think: “Huh? That’s NOT a vampire. Why are they calling this guy a vampire? This book ain’t about vampires. Where are the vampires?

STOP TELLING ME YOUR BOOK IS ABOUT VAMPIRES IF IT’S NOT ABOUT 100% REAL BAD-ASS VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t want wishy-washy whampire wannabes. I want the REAL THING! Give me another Dracula! Give me a vampire that sends me hiding under the bed at night. Give me a vampire that scares me. I love vampires. I hate whampire wannabes. Give me vampires – REAL vampires, that make me want to hang garlic over every window and door after I get done reading your book. Don’t water them down and make them nice. Vampires are not nice. Don’t think you have to make your vampires priss-ants because I’m too young to handle real vampires. First time I read Dracula I was 12 years old for crying out loud! Give me real vampires. Scary vampires. I’m a big girl – I can take it.

Vampires are vampires. If you are going to create a new creature than stop being lazy and give them a new name! Don’t call them vampires because you are too lazy to think up a new name for your new creation. Stop trying to recreate the wheel. It was invented already! A vampire is a monster – deal with it. If you can’t handle real vampires, than stop writing about them!

Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeease write a vampire book, one that’s actually about – well – you know – vampires – real ones. I hate having to sift through stacks of whampire books to try to find the one or two rare volumes that are actually about REAL vampires.