Category Archives: BDSM

tagging Star Log – Test Post – Please Ignore – Thank you!

When starting a new blog, I like to set up all the “possible” tags I may use over the years to come, and so I have them in the clickable drop down menu of my dashboard, I put them all on the first few posts of the blog – This is a very old post, copied from Star Log, to put my tags on this blog. The only thing this post contains is a list of every tag I have every used on Star Log. As each tag list can only contain 200 characters, there well be several of these posts, until all tags have been inserted into this blogs drop down feature. So, you can just ignore this post as it is only useful to me the blogger and not you the reader.

Adults with Aspergers,Aspergers,Aspergers Syndrome,Aspie,Avatars,Avon,Avon Sales Rep,Awards,Awesome,Aztec,Babies,Baby Blue,Bad Habits,Ballet,Ballet Deviare,Banned,Banned Books,
Batman,BBC,BDSM,

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Bantams,
Birthday Gifts Ideas,
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Birthday Party Planners,
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Bishops,
Black cat,
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Blizzard,
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Z-List,
Blogging Every Day,
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Blood,
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Bogart,
Book,
Book Cencorship,
Book Cover,
Book Except,
Book of Mormon,
Book of Shadows,
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Boondocker,
Boonies,
Bookdocking,
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Book Review,
Book Reviews,
Boondockers,
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BoS,
Boycotts,
Brian Froud,
Brothers Grimm,
BurdaStyle,
Business,
Business Plan,
Business Plans,
Business start up,
Butterflies,
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Buttons,
Buying Stuff Online,
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Cabbage Patch Dolls,
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Cafe Press,
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calendar,
Cameras,
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Capt Kirk,
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330,
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Temples
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tent cover
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writing about real places
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Year Supply
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YouTube
Yukon
z-list for writers
Zazzle
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zombies
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Zorro

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This post was written by Wendy C Allen aka EelKat, is copyrighted by The Twighlight Manor Press and was posted on Houseless Living @ http://houselessliving.blogspot.com and reposted at EK’s Star Log @ http://eelkat.wordpress.com and parts of it may also be seen on http://www.squidoo.com/EelKat and http://laughinggnomehollow.proboards.com  If you are reading this from a different location than those listed above, please contact me Wendy C. Allen aka EelKat @ http://laughinggnomehollow.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=viewprofile and let me know where it is you found this post. Plagiarism is illegal and I DO actively pursue offenders. Unless copying a Blog Meme, you do not have permission to copy anything appearing on this blog, including words, art, or photos. This will be your only warning. Thank you and have a glorious day! ~ EelKat

NaNoWriMo RE: "BDSM" themes in this forum

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“BDSM” themes in this forum


Thetis0823Glowing Halo
“BDSM” themes in this forum

0 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 7, 2008
Location: US
Posts: 11
Posted on:
Oct 26, 2010 – 10 42
As an active member of the BDSM community, I’m a little disconcerted by the overtones of abuse and rape in the BDSM fiction being discussed here.
BDSM is all about consent, negotiation, trust, safety, and sanity. Anything done outside those constraints is no longer BDSM; it’s just abuse. It becomes something unconscionable, unacceptable, and illegal–not to mention immoral and horrifying.
Just because a whip is wielded or power dynamics exist, DOES NOT make it BDSM.
There’s a lot more involved in this valid and actually very statistically acceptable and practiced lifestyle.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t write those types of stories. Force, abuse, and rape are familiar tropes and themes found in all types of literature. It’s a genre and there are lots of people who consume it, but it should be labeled correctly and written and read under full understanding of what it is.
To call force and rape and non-consensual activity BDSM, is like calling that type of behavior love or romance too. It’s lending a validation to abusive behavior that in no way deserves it and casts a damning shadow on perfectly benign and frankly fun behavior that has enough of a PR and stereotyping problem.
If you’re truly interested in BDSM—the dynamics and sensations and titillation involved—please, I encourage you to treat it the same way you would any other subject. Research it. Learn about it. Kink is a wide and varied world, you may be thoroughly surprised by what you find.

———————–

In my Twighlight Manor series, there is one relationship, only mentioned in I think 2 of the books, that was BDSM. (They are not a couple I use often). This particular relationship is M/M as well, with one of the men being a shemale/transvestite. While it is implied that there is a BDSM relationship going on between them, only twice has I ever used this couple in actual sex scenes and while they were probably among the most violent of my non-rape sex-scenes, there was never a point when it was implied that what was going on was anything other than consensual.

By contrast however, my stories often include scenes of sexual abuse and rape. In these instances however, the abuser is potraied as just that: an abuser, and the victim is suffering in actual mortal terror. It never would have occurred to me to suggest that this was in any way a BDSM relationship however.

It is possible that in my own writing I make these distinctions because two events in my personal life.

When I was 17, me and my best friend were cornered and attacked by a serial rapist. He unfortunately got away and was never caught, however, he was interrupted by a passer by and me and my friend we able to escape before he got a chance to do anything to us. The event however, terrified us. Had he not been chased away, own terror would probably have been much worse and longer lasting. I believe it was this event that causes me to write rape scenes in most of my stories, but it is also because of this event that I write them through the POV of a teenager victim, terrified of her attacker.

On the other hand, as I said BDSM, has shown up a couple of times in my stories, and I think that is because it has on occasion shown up in my own life. My own personal sex life, has always been with just one man, we have been together for 23 years and have a deep love and respect for one another. There was a time when he was interested in BDSM sex, it was short lived as he lost interest in BDSM sex after a few months, but during that time of our relationship, force and rape was his obsession, and I’ve never been one to shy away from new sexual experiences with him. He loved the idea of having a woman for a slave instead of a wife. It fit with the way our relationship already was, because he has “old fashioned” ideals about men being the head of the household and the woman obeying him without question, I’ve never had a problem with that set up, so adding BDSM sex to our already BDSM lifestyle was just the next step up. At his suggestion we tried it, but he did ask what I thought about it first, and had I said no, he would not have forced me to do anything I was not comfortable with. I mean, at no time did I ever feel I was threatened or not safe, with him. I think going into BDSM sex requires a huge amount of trust, way more than going into BDSM, esp on the part of the slave, because I really had to trust, that he wasn’t actually going to hurt me (you know what I mean.).

Another thing people outside the BDSM community do not consider is that it’s not all about sex. The sex part is what most outsiders hear about, it’s what the media focuses on, but sex is a very minor part of a full fledged Slave and Master lifestyle, and it’s possible to have a BDSM lifestyle that includes zero sex at all.

While BDSM sex was only a part of our relationship from the time I was 16 – 17, the BDSM lifestyle has been a very big part of our relationship. I suppose in the long run you could say our none-sexual relationship has a much stronger BDSM than our sexual relationship. He is very dominate and demand obedience in everything. I eat when I am told. I’ve never eaten at the table, nor do I ask to. I do not go shopping alone, I’m not allowed to. If I want to go someplace I have to get his permission first, and if he says NO, I can’t go. For example, I’ve done NaNoWriMo for 7 years now, but last year was the first year he gave me permission to attend the local Write-In meetings. This year, he said I could not go, and I went anyways, he punished me by locking me in my room for 7 days. He has now agreed to let me go to the remainder of the Write-Ins through October and November, but I have had to trade off other privileges to do so. I am 35 years old and I do not have a driver license, it is not allowed. I can not wear pants. I public I am not allowed to speak to anyone unless they direct a question to me and than I’m only allowed to answer quickly with yes or no and say nothing more. I am not allowed to talk to men at all, nor am I allowed to make eye contact with anyone. I will also point out that I was given to this man when I was 12 years old, and so my training as his slave started when I was young enough to be conditioned to obey him without question. My life with him is based on reward and punishment. If I disobey him, something I like is taken away, when I obey him, he is quick to buy me anything I ask for (he is very wealthy.)

My life with him has been described by some as a “gilded cage” and I suppose that is a very good way to put it. He can be described as my master and I his slave. I have never had any freedom, not once in my life have I ever had the option to choice to go somewhere or do something. I see girls on TV and movie (what few times I’m allowed to watch these which is not often) and I see girls leaving the house without a man with them and girls playing tennis with friends or girls going to eat out someplace or girls driving cars, or shopping for cloths or wearing make up or talking on phones….I see those things and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be able to do them, because I’ve never done them and I am not allowed too. He goes out and play tennis with his friends all the time every week, but I am not allowed to go with him and when I ask to come he goes into a rage and than refuses to speak to me for days. The silent treatment is the worst punishment of all, because he is the only person I am allowed to talk to, and if he stops talking to me I have no one at all, so I have learned to stop asking to be allowed to play tennis with him and his friends and I no longer ask to be allowed to go to the store with him. I accept the fact that I am not allowed to leave the house or have any friends other them him. I do not like it, but I accept it because the alternative is worse. That is the hard core reality of the BDSM lifestyle. I know, on the one hand it sounds cruel, cold, and depraved, but on the other hand, he is a kind and gentle man who would never physically harm me, and he will protect me from anything and any one. With him I know I am safe and protected, and I also know a lot of women could not say that about the man they are with.

All that said, I think the writers who call rape and abuse BDSM, are people who have never been in a BDSM relationship and are also people who have never had to deal with rape. Having dealt with both in my personal life, I believe has helped me to know the difference and not confuse one with the other in my stories.

But I agree, as you say, BDSM is always consensual, and no story should ever imply that it is anything otherwise; yes it can become violent, yes it can resemble rape, but the “victim/slave” is always willing, and what is happening never goes “too far” because the “abuser/master” will always stop if the “victim/slave” asks so.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

>NaNoWriMo RE: "BDSM" themes in this forum

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“BDSM” themes in this forum


Thetis0823Glowing Halo
“BDSM” themes in this forum

0 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 7, 2008
Location: US
Posts: 11
Posted on:
Oct 26, 2010 – 10 42
As an active member of the BDSM community, I’m a little disconcerted by the overtones of abuse and rape in the BDSM fiction being discussed here.
BDSM is all about consent, negotiation, trust, safety, and sanity. Anything done outside those constraints is no longer BDSM; it’s just abuse. It becomes something unconscionable, unacceptable, and illegal–not to mention immoral and horrifying.
Just because a whip is wielded or power dynamics exist, DOES NOT make it BDSM.
There’s a lot more involved in this valid and actually very statistically acceptable and practiced lifestyle.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t write those types of stories. Force, abuse, and rape are familiar tropes and themes found in all types of literature. It’s a genre and there are lots of people who consume it, but it should be labeled correctly and written and read under full understanding of what it is.
To call force and rape and non-consensual activity BDSM, is like calling that type of behavior love or romance too. It’s lending a validation to abusive behavior that in no way deserves it and casts a damning shadow on perfectly benign and frankly fun behavior that has enough of a PR and stereotyping problem.
If you’re truly interested in BDSM—the dynamics and sensations and titillation involved—please, I encourage you to treat it the same way you would any other subject. Research it. Learn about it. Kink is a wide and varied world, you may be thoroughly surprised by what you find.

———————–

In my Twighlight Manor series, there is one relationship, only mentioned in I think 2 of the books, that was BDSM. (They are not a couple I use often). This particular relationship is M/M as well, with one of the men being a shemale/transvestite. While it is implied that there is a BDSM relationship going on between them, only twice has I ever used this couple in actual sex scenes and while they were probably among the most violent of my non-rape sex-scenes, there was never a point when it was implied that what was going on was anything other than consensual.

By contrast however, my stories often include scenes of sexual abuse and rape. In these instances however, the abuser is potraied as just that: an abuser, and the victim is suffering in actual mortal terror. It never would have occurred to me to suggest that this was in any way a BDSM relationship however.

It is possible that in my own writing I make these distinctions because two events in my personal life.

When I was 17, me and my best friend were cornered and attacked by a serial rapist. He unfortunately got away and was never caught, however, he was interrupted by a passer by and me and my friend we able to escape before he got a chance to do anything to us. The event however, terrified us. Had he not been chased away, own terror would probably have been much worse and longer lasting. I believe it was this event that causes me to write rape scenes in most of my stories, but it is also because of this event that I write them through the POV of a teenager victim, terrified of her attacker.

On the other hand, as I said BDSM, has shown up a couple of times in my stories, and I think that is because it has on occasion shown up in my own life. My own personal sex life, has always been with just one man, we have been together for 23 years and have a deep love and respect for one another. There was a time when he was interested in BDSM sex, it was short lived as he lost interest in BDSM sex after a few months, but during that time of our relationship, force and rape was his obsession, and I’ve never been one to shy away from new sexual experiences with him. He loved the idea of having a woman for a slave instead of a wife. It fit with the way our relationship already was, because he has “old fashioned” ideals about men being the head of the household and the woman obeying him without question, I’ve never had a problem with that set up, so adding BDSM sex to our already BDSM lifestyle was just the next step up. At his suggestion we tried it, but he did ask what I thought about it first, and had I said no, he would not have forced me to do anything I was not comfortable with. I mean, at no time did I ever feel I was threatened or not safe, with him. I think going into BDSM sex requires a huge amount of trust, way more than going into BDSM, esp on the part of the slave, because I really had to trust, that he wasn’t actually going to hurt me (you know what I mean.).

Another thing people outside the BDSM community do not consider is that it’s not all about sex. The sex part is what most outsiders hear about, it’s what the media focuses on, but sex is a very minor part of a full fledged Slave and Master lifestyle, and it’s possible to have a BDSM lifestyle that includes zero sex at all.

While BDSM sex was only a part of our relationship from the time I was 16 – 17, the BDSM lifestyle has been a very big part of our relationship. I suppose in the long run you could say our none-sexual relationship has a much stronger BDSM than our sexual relationship. He is very dominate and demand obedience in everything. I eat when I am told. I’ve never eaten at the table, nor do I ask to. I do not go shopping alone, I’m not allowed to. If I want to go someplace I have to get his permission first, and if he says NO, I can’t go. For example, I’ve done NaNoWriMo for 7 years now, but last year was the first year he gave me permission to attend the local Write-In meetings. This year, he said I could not go, and I went anyways, he punished me by locking me in my room for 7 days. He has now agreed to let me go to the remainder of the Write-Ins through October and November, but I have had to trade off other privileges to do so. I am 35 years old and I do not have a driver license, it is not allowed. I can not wear pants. I public I am not allowed to speak to anyone unless they direct a question to me and than I’m only allowed to answer quickly with yes or no and say nothing more. I am not allowed to talk to men at all, nor am I allowed to make eye contact with anyone. I will also point out that I was given to this man when I was 12 years old, and so my training as his slave started when I was young enough to be conditioned to obey him without question. My life with him is based on reward and punishment. If I disobey him, something I like is taken away, when I obey him, he is quick to buy me anything I ask for (he is very wealthy.)

My life with him has been described by some as a “gilded cage” and I suppose that is a very good way to put it. He can be described as my master and I his slave. I have never had any freedom, not once in my life have I ever had the option to choice to go somewhere or do something. I see girls on TV and movie (what few times I’m allowed to watch these which is not often) and I see girls leaving the house without a man with them and girls playing tennis with friends or girls going to eat out someplace or girls driving cars, or shopping for cloths or wearing make up or talking on phones….I see those things and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be able to do them, because I’ve never done them and I am not allowed too. He goes out and play tennis with his friends all the time every week, but I am not allowed to go with him and when I ask to come he goes into a rage and than refuses to speak to me for days. The silent treatment is the worst punishment of all, because he is the only person I am allowed to talk to, and if he stops talking to me I have no one at all, so I have learned to stop asking to be allowed to play tennis with him and his friends and I no longer ask to be allowed to go to the store with him. I accept the fact that I am not allowed to leave the house or have any friends other them him. I do not like it, but I accept it because the alternative is worse. That is the hard core reality of the BDSM lifestyle. I know, on the one hand it sounds cruel, cold, and depraved, but on the other hand, he is a kind and gentle man who would never physically harm me, and he will protect me from anything and any one. With him I know I am safe and protected, and I also know a lot of women could not say that about the man they are with.

All that said, I think the writers who call rape and abuse BDSM, are people who have never been in a BDSM relationship and are also people who have never had to deal with rape. Having dealt with both in my personal life, I believe has helped me to know the difference and not confuse one with the other in my stories.

But I agree, as you say, BDSM is always consensual, and no story should ever imply that it is anything otherwise; yes it can become violent, yes it can resemble rape, but the “victim/slave” is always willing, and what is happening never goes “too far” because the “abuser/master” will always stop if the “victim/slave” asks so.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of: