UPDATE: My health since the stroke, the excommunication, the witch accusations, and Etiole . . .

Oh my – this has become quite a heavy trafficked lens. There was on day it had more than 3,000 visits. It is getting mountains of comments still, but, for the time being, the comments are still on hiatus. I just do not have the time to read all of them, and several are, well, not nice, and are frankly too upsetting for me to scroll through right now.

Sorry there has been no updates for a while. The excommunication thing is still ongoing, but from what I am seeing and hearing, while a few bishops and priests are adamant on wanting me excommunicated, they have had no luck convincing the higher authorities of The Church that they actually have a good solid case with reasonable grounds for excommunication. It’s like I said before – there is nothing in The Church’s handbooks that back up the accusations of these few local men, and it seems that the Salt Lake leadership is rather inclined to view these accusations to be just as silly and ludicrous as I myself feel they are.

However, the local bishop has put out a recommendation of disfellowship with in the local church congregation, in other words, members who formally had contact with me and called themselves my friends, as now “giving me the shunning I so rightly deserve”. Go figure. It’s not like I haven’t been shunned before. The first time I was shunned was when I was just 12 years old. Just goes to show how fickle these so-called “friends” really are. If that’s what they call friendship, well than I’m glad I never considered them to be my friends in the first place!

In any case, endless weeks of interviews and interrogation (which involved church leaders accusing me in “church court”, while I myself was not allowed to say a word in my own defense) has taken a toll on my health. I was scheduled for yet another of these closed door meetings with the Bishop and other church leaders on October 19th, 2009. However, I did not attend my scheduled interrogation because an hour prior to the meeting I had a stroke, which unfortunately has had a devastating effect on my health over all. I temporarily lost the ability to walk unaided or to lift anything. I also suffered from selective amnesia, which now results in my inability to remember anything that just happened to me. In other words I wake up today with no memory of yesterday. What little eyesight I had to begin with was also affected by the stroke. Formerly I could see about 8 inches from my face, now I can barely see 4 inches from my face, changing me from “nearly blind” to “legally blind”. It also had an effect on my ability to type, thus the reason you see a decrease in my blog posts, and my Squidoo lens building, and also why I retired from being a Squid Angel here on Squidoo. The stroke also weakened my over all immune system, resulting in my coming down with a server case of N1H1 the first week of November, and spent the most of November and December in a nearly bed ridden state.

I can’t remember the proper medical term for the type of stroke I had, I think it began with an “N”, but I am told that in simple terms it means “a stress induced mini-stroke brought on by a panic attack leading to a nervous breakdown leading to a stroke” and that this type of a stroke is a “warning sign” before a “major stroke” and that the only way to prevent the onset of a life threatening major stroke, is to remove all stress from ones life. I have to ask, how it is I am supposed to do that, when I have not left my house in nearly 20 years, and my stress is caused by the vandals that refuse to stop trespassing on my land to destroy my property, kill me pets, and than burned down my house forcing me to live under a tarp, all in the name of “driving out my demon”, “getting rid of the witch”, and doing it “because God told them to”. How do I get rid of this stress when it comes daily to my secluded near impossible to locate home? I only ever left my house to go to church on Sundays, and it’s been 9 years since I’ve done that, due to the fact that members took to shooting me with paint ball guns every time I tried to go into the church! How do I end the stress when I have to deal with these types of idiots who have nothing better to do than barge in uninvited into my life and harass me? It’s bad enough I have no one to help me, but why do people have to go out of their way to hurt me? I fail to see the logic behind their actions.

I am, happy to report that, as of January 2010, I have regained my ability to walk, and my ability to lift things, so I’m back to carrying 50lb bags of grain and cat-food across the 500 foot path from the street to the barn several times a week. 19 cats and 100 chickens, take a lot of feed each week, and normally I carry 2 bags at a time on my shoulders, (100lbs) but the stroke had left me unable to lift more than 4 or 5 lbs at a time. Seeing how I had no friends or family to help me while I was in my invalid state, I had no choice but to carry the cat-food and grain across the yard to the barn, in mixing bowls, because I was unable to lift anything heavier at the time.

Funny, I asked for help from some church members, so-called friends, and family members, and the answer I got back was: “You’ve got Etiole to help you. Have him carry the grain.” Their sarcasm is duly noted, and I would like to take this time to answer them. Etiole as I have said before is a frail little creature. He is barely bigger than a small child. He stands about 5′ 1″ to 5′ 3″, is desperately underweight, I seriously doubt if he weighs much more than 50lbs, and besides all that he is a notoriously fastidious fop. Besides his lack of body build, there is also his health to consider – as I said before, his health is not good, he is very weak, and rarely moves around much any more. Another thing to consider is his age. He is elderly, very elderly. He is the equivalent of a Human man in his 80s or 90s. Etiole is very, very, very, very old. He is near the end of his natural lifespan. Plus he has “germ issues”, very OCD germ issues, that keep him far away from from contact with farm manure. And did I mention he’s a fop? A fop = a man who could be best described as acting and dressing like an fancy, high society, elite, snob female. I did say he’s a drag queen. He won’t get his hands dirty. He won’t lift a thing. He’s the type who’d have a major overblown panic attack over a broken nail or a wrinkle in his dress. So, even if he could lift anything (which he can’t), he wouldn’t. No, Etiole is the farthest thing in the world from helpful when farm work is concerned.

The people who made the suggestion are already aware of these things, so their suggestion was nothing more than seething sarcasm, which is as about as helpful to me as a pile of ant dung. And so, I continue the farm work, alone, but since the stroke, it has become a chore in itself just for me to walk the huge long path from the road, down the cliff, across the collapsed bridge over the brook, through the garden, to the woods, to the barn.

During the course of my severely weakened sick state, I was called in to the Bishop’s office on several more occasions, however, I being too sick to get out of bed, and only leaving my sickbed long enough to feed the cats and hens each day than crawl back into bed, I thus did not go to any farther meetings with the Church leadership. They won’t stop. I don’t know how to get them to stop. I don’t bother them, I don’t talk to them, I don’t see them, I don’t even leave my yard any more in order to avoid them, and yet, they are relentless. If any one knows of any way to get these creeps out of my life once and for all – please let me know. Though, the fact that 16 of these people died in 2009, all from “freak accidents” -such as being hit by falling limbs or lightening, does indicate that if they don’t stop soon, Etiole is just going to annihilate the whole lot of them. In any case, with 16 of the reoccurring vandals now dead in the past 7 months, I have had a greatly reduced amount of vandalism and stress, seeing how dead vandals can no longer invade my land and vandalize it.

Those people who told me to ask Etiole to help me, I guess, when people say to ask Etiole for help, they don’t realize what that implies. He may not be able to lift a bag of grain, but he is good at changing local weather patterns and sending hail and lightening where-ever he wants it to go. So, in a way, I guess you could say that he helps out around the farm in his own way.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

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>UPDATE: My health since the stroke, the excommunication, the witch accusations, and Etiole . . .

>

Oh my – this has become quite a heavy trafficked lens. There was on day it had more than 3,000 visits. It is getting mountains of comments still, but, for the time being, the comments are still on hiatus. I just do not have the time to read all of them, and several are, well, not nice, and are frankly too upsetting for me to scroll through right now.

Sorry there has been no updates for a while. The excommunication thing is still ongoing, but from what I am seeing and hearing, while a few bishops and priests are adamant on wanting me excommunicated, they have had no luck convincing the higher authorities of The Church that they actually have a good solid case with reasonable grounds for excommunication. It’s like I said before – there is nothing in The Church’s handbooks that back up the accusations of these few local men, and it seems that the Salt Lake leadership is rather inclined to view these accusations to be just as silly and ludicrous as I myself feel they are.

However, the local bishop has put out a recommendation of disfellowship with in the local church congregation, in other words, members who formally had contact with me and called themselves my friends, as now “giving me the shunning I so rightly deserve”. Go figure. It’s not like I haven’t been shunned before. The first time I was shunned was when I was just 12 years old. Just goes to show how fickle these so-called “friends” really are. If that’s what they call friendship, well than I’m glad I never considered them to be my friends in the first place!

In any case, endless weeks of interviews and interrogation (which involved church leaders accusing me in “church court”, while I myself was not allowed to say a word in my own defense) has taken a toll on my health. I was scheduled for yet another of these closed door meetings with the Bishop and other church leaders on October 19th, 2009. However, I did not attend my scheduled interrogation because an hour prior to the meeting I had a stroke, which unfortunately has had a devastating effect on my health over all. I temporarily lost the ability to walk unaided or to lift anything. I also suffered from selective amnesia, which now results in my inability to remember anything that just happened to me. In other words I wake up today with no memory of yesterday. What little eyesight I had to begin with was also affected by the stroke. Formerly I could see about 8 inches from my face, now I can barely see 4 inches from my face, changing me from “nearly blind” to “legally blind”. It also had an effect on my ability to type, thus the reason you see a decrease in my blog posts, and my Squidoo lens building, and also why I retired from being a Squid Angel here on Squidoo. The stroke also weakened my over all immune system, resulting in my coming down with a server case of N1H1 the first week of November, and spent the most of November and December in a nearly bed ridden state.

I can’t remember the proper medical term for the type of stroke I had, I think it began with an “N”, but I am told that in simple terms it means “a stress induced mini-stroke brought on by a panic attack leading to a nervous breakdown leading to a stroke” and that this type of a stroke is a “warning sign” before a “major stroke” and that the only way to prevent the onset of a life threatening major stroke, is to remove all stress from ones life. I have to ask, how it is I am supposed to do that, when I have not left my house in nearly 20 years, and my stress is caused by the vandals that refuse to stop trespassing on my land to destroy my property, kill me pets, and than burned down my house forcing me to live under a tarp, all in the name of “driving out my demon”, “getting rid of the witch”, and doing it “because God told them to”. How do I get rid of this stress when it comes daily to my secluded near impossible to locate home? I only ever left my house to go to church on Sundays, and it’s been 9 years since I’ve done that, due to the fact that members took to shooting me with paint ball guns every time I tried to go into the church! How do I end the stress when I have to deal with these types of idiots who have nothing better to do than barge in uninvited into my life and harass me? It’s bad enough I have no one to help me, but why do people have to go out of their way to hurt me? I fail to see the logic behind their actions.

I am, happy to report that, as of January 2010, I have regained my ability to walk, and my ability to lift things, so I’m back to carrying 50lb bags of grain and cat-food across the 500 foot path from the street to the barn several times a week. 19 cats and 100 chickens, take a lot of feed each week, and normally I carry 2 bags at a time on my shoulders, (100lbs) but the stroke had left me unable to lift more than 4 or 5 lbs at a time. Seeing how I had no friends or family to help me while I was in my invalid state, I had no choice but to carry the cat-food and grain across the yard to the barn, in mixing bowls, because I was unable to lift anything heavier at the time.

Funny, I asked for help from some church members, so-called friends, and family members, and the answer I got back was: “You’ve got Etiole to help you. Have him carry the grain.” Their sarcasm is duly noted, and I would like to take this time to answer them. Etiole as I have said before is a frail little creature. He is barely bigger than a small child. He stands about 5′ 1″ to 5′ 3″, is desperately underweight, I seriously doubt if he weighs much more than 50lbs, and besides all that he is a notoriously fastidious fop. Besides his lack of body build, there is also his health to consider – as I said before, his health is not good, he is very weak, and rarely moves around much any more. Another thing to consider is his age. He is elderly, very elderly. He is the equivalent of a Human man in his 80s or 90s. Etiole is very, very, very, very old. He is near the end of his natural lifespan. Plus he has “germ issues”, very OCD germ issues, that keep him far away from from contact with farm manure. And did I mention he’s a fop? A fop = a man who could be best described as acting and dressing like an fancy, high society, elite, snob female. I did say he’s a drag queen. He won’t get his hands dirty. He won’t lift a thing. He’s the type who’d have a major overblown panic attack over a broken nail or a wrinkle in his dress. So, even if he could lift anything (which he can’t), he wouldn’t. No, Etiole is the farthest thing in the world from helpful when farm work is concerned.

The people who made the suggestion are already aware of these things, so their suggestion was nothing more than seething sarcasm, which is as about as helpful to me as a pile of ant dung. And so, I continue the farm work, alone, but since the stroke, it has become a chore in itself just for me to walk the huge long path from the road, down the cliff, across the collapsed bridge over the brook, through the garden, to the woods, to the barn.

During the course of my severely weakened sick state, I was called in to the Bishop’s office on several more occasions, however, I being too sick to get out of bed, and only leaving my sickbed long enough to feed the cats and hens each day than crawl back into bed, I thus did not go to any farther meetings with the Church leadership. They won’t stop. I don’t know how to get them to stop. I don’t bother them, I don’t talk to them, I don’t see them, I don’t even leave my yard any more in order to avoid them, and yet, they are relentless. If any one knows of any way to get these creeps out of my life once and for all – please let me know. Though, the fact that 16 of these people died in 2009, all from “freak accidents” -such as being hit by falling limbs or lightening, does indicate that if they don’t stop soon, Etiole is just going to annihilate the whole lot of them. In any case, with 16 of the reoccurring vandals now dead in the past 7 months, I have had a greatly reduced amount of vandalism and stress, seeing how dead vandals can no longer invade my land and vandalize it.

Those people who told me to ask Etiole to help me, I guess, when people say to ask Etiole for help, they don’t realize what that implies. He may not be able to lift a bag of grain, but he is good at changing local weather patterns and sending hail and lightening where-ever he wants it to go. So, in a way, I guess you could say that he helps out around the farm in his own way.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

>RE to IM on FaceBook – more detailed info about what started the witch accusations and harasment

>

(ADDED NOTE: I’m a third generation LDS/Saint/Mormon; this answer went to a “new” fellow member who was asking what happened to inspire my previous post, this was my answer:)

I got 3 windows each with 50 tabs open, and speakers on my computer zoned out a while back, so I don’t get the “beep” from FB anymore and even though FB still says I’m online, but I already moved to a different site. It’s sort of hard to keep track of me online, I zip back and forth so much. I was on Zazzle, not FB, so I didn’t see the messages til just now. Sorry.

Nope, didn’t know about the AS group. I’m still sort of new to getting out of the house, it’s kind of hard to get used to doing. I pretty much only ever leave to go to the writer’s meetings (NaNoWriMo and Screnzy) and to buy cat food and grain.

The guy that was yelling at me is from the Sanford ward. (It was yesterday). He’s the same one that was accusing me of writing “deframitory” letters to tons of people in the Sanford Ward, though he’s yet to be able to prove that any of those letters actually exist. So I don’t know if there really are letters I supposedly wrote or if that’s just some rumor. He’s sort of weird. I’m used to him showing up every once in a while. Bishop LR got after him about it a while back, and he stopped, but Sanford just changed bishops, so, I don’t know, I guess he thinks he can try it again. Anyways my mom emails him, (I guess she emails every body, because I’ve had to change my email 34 times as a result of her emailing people who than email me in a rage over whatever it is she has said at that moment.) and that’s usually what sets him off.

My mom showed up at the yard today, with the same accusations – witchcraft, proof being my lack of shoes. I don’t where she comes up with this from, but I guess seeing how she’s saying the same stuff the next day, that she’s the one who got him saying it. (He’s got mental problems and tends to repeat whatever he hears some one else say, so I’m not too worried about him, because I know he’s just parroting some thing he heard some one else say. It’s the person he’s repeating that bothers me.) But yeah, seeing how my mom showed up with the exact same accusation, I guess she’s the one who said it to him to begin with. After he accused me of the letters in Sanford, my mom showed up a few hours later that same day accusing me of letters in Saco, so I’m not sure what to think there. I’d still like to see one of these letters, because last time letters like that showed up, well, the only time letters like that showed up, and I actually saw one, it turned out that it was written by one of my mom’s brothers, not me, like every one thought. It’s the only time a letter ever actually came forward though, so I don’t believe the poison pen letter accusations half the time, because it’s so rare that they can ever provide proof that the letters they accuse me of writing, are even real at all.

I guess, it’s always my mom that gets people all wound up, at least from what I’m finding out these past few months. I know from what Bishop K said that it was my mom complaining to him, because he was quoting stuff, word for word the way my mom says them – demon possession, spell casting, curses, me being a witch. I’m just so sick of it. It hurts when people call me a witch or say I’m demon possessed, but than I’ve got Autism so they think I don’t have any feelings to hurt. I just never can understand how folks can believe her. The whole believing that demons and witches are real, is just something I can’t get my mind around. It’s so illogical. I can not understand how my mom or her brothers or Bishop M or Bishop K can believe in those things.

Of course, I don’t understand how come every time a new Bishop or Stake Pres comes in, I have to be retried all over again. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. The first time I got called in for “apostasy”, “witch craft”, “demon possession” and consideration for excommunication was when I was just 12 years old. That was Bishop Re and Stake Pres S. Bishop Re is the one who got released after having a mental breakdown. Stake Pres. S said there was no ground to excommunicate me than, because I was neither witch nor demon possessed nor apostate.

Than Bishop Ri called me in about 2 years later, said complaints of demon possession and witchcraft had been made again, but that he was no going to do anything about it, because he did not believe the complaint.

Bishop M replaced him, and at the same time Stake Pres E took over for S and it stated all over again. That time Bishop M brought in doctors from Pine Land Center, he claimed I was not only a demon possessed witch, but that I was schizophrenic as well. He tried several times to have me excommunicated between the ages of 14 through 17, each time he didn’t get any where with it.

Bishop B wanted to have all 264 of us (me and my relatives) excommunicated and is the one who told me “white trash like you and the rest of the Atwater clan don’t belong in this church”. That happened 13 years ago and was why I stopped going to the Cape Elizabeth Ward.

Cape E Ward broke off and became the Portland and Saco Wards instead, but by that time I had started going to the Sanford Ward.

That was when the vandalism started in. At first it was just rock throwing and stuff, but than the dead animals and photos of guns started showing up. In 2003 the drive by paint ball shootings started. They messed up my horse really bad, tore out half of her face and cut out both her eyes. It got so bad that the OOB police stationed a motorcycle cop to patrol Portland Ave. That’s when I stopped going to the Sanford Ward, because the police offices said they had evidence that it was people from church behind the vandalism. They had a list of suspects, all of them were from one of 5 different churches – 3 of the churches being the Saco, Portland, and Sanford LDS Wards. That’s when the reports and paparazzi got involved, one of the officers contacted the state police and one of them called ABC. We had reporters and photographers all over our land for about 3 months. That’s when my agoraphobia set it. Between the vandals killing my pets and the paint ballers and the reporters asking me questions and the police constantly warning us about who to avoid – I just freaked out big time. I couldn’t handle it.

Between 2001 and 2004 we had court dates on an almost weekly basis. I went to the early ones, but as the reporters and such got more involved, I stopped going to them. The later court dates from 2003 – 2005 I did not attend, except for one in summer of 2005, when I had a total meltdown in the court and the judge sent me to a psychiatrist. That’s when I found out I had Autism (Shizotypal Aspergers with OCD tendencies).

After the court stuff ended, my mom got something like $20K in the settlement, that’s when the vandalism went out of hand and our house got burned down.

Next thing we know, DHS is at the tent and telling us about an FBI investigation into OOB town manager, and that there were about 40 families on Portland Ave and Walnut Str that were involved, most every one of them had lost their homes, nearly all of them had been driven out of town, they couldn’t handle the stress. It was DHS that told us about Thomas and the other folks from the Saco Ward being investigated because some $3million had been embezzled out of town funds. That’s how I found out that the town manager and the town council were all members of the Saco Ward. OOB had to get rid of every one working in the town hall, and I had to deal with gov workers asking me questions left and right, only I didn’t know anything about all that stuff so finally they stopped coming over. I never did understand all that stuff with the DHS and the FBI and the town manager. No one ever gave us much information, they just wanted to know what we knew about it. In any case, finding that stuff out, freaked me out even more, because the guy they were investigating was a high priest in the Saco ward and the OOB town manager. They had records of how he’d been run out of 4 states already and he was constantly going from state to state to evade them. Finding that out, just scared the hell out of me and after that, I just stopped trusting every one.

I mean, you think you can trust a high priest right? You think you can trust your town manager right? But than the police and DHS tell us that these people we thought we could trust were the ones behind all the violence and death, and it just shatters your ability to trust any one after that. Now I don’t know who I can trust any more. But than, when all this was going on, normally I would have turned to the church for help, but I don’t any more because every time I do, the members and leaders start calling me a witch and telling me I’ve no right to be in church. I still don’t understand why people call me a witch.

I know several complaints happen because of the whole color thing. I see these glowing colors around people, which I thought every one saw. I didn’t realize until my late teens that other folks did not see them, or that it freaked people out when I talked about seeing them. But the whole me being a witch and casting spells and curses comes from that, because there were several times when I told people *that person* is about to die, and than within a few hours to a few days they did. People freaked out and said I made those people die, but what happened was, your color leaves and dissapers before your die, and if I see someone with no color, I know they’ll die soon. I was only 5 or 6 years old when I used to say those things, so the accusations of witchcraft and curses started early. That’s how the rumor got started at least. But that’s Autism, not witchcraft, so I don’t see how they can use that to call me a witch.

Than of course my encounter with whatever it is that Etiole is, is what started the accusations of me being demon possessed. I may not know what it is that Etiole is, but I do know what he is not, and he most certainly is not a demon. I assume you must know about Etiole, since it seems like every one does, but if not, I wrote all about him here: http://www.squidoo.com/amphibious-aliens so many folks kept asking me for more info about him, that I finally just wrote it down and now instead of reanswering everyone I just direct them to that link. It’s easier. And, again, though not many folks have ever seen Etiole, a few have, and they were not witches any more than I am, so I don’t see how my contact with him could make me a witch or demon possessed. Ben’s thoughts on the matter are that people who call Etiole a demon are silly, because (according to Ben) Etiole is an alien, some sort of Gray Hybrid or some such thing. (When Ben is not being a high priest, he spends his time being a ufologist.) I’m not sure what to think of Ben’s whole alien/alien abduction theory, but at least it makes more logical sense than the demon possession theory my mom’s always preaching. Personally, I’ve always thought of Etiole as a Faerie, which I say to mean a natural all be it rare, cryptiod creature, not some supernatural being or an extraterrestrial.

My mom’s constant accusations that first my Dodge and now my Volvo, are possessed by demons, baffles me. I have no explanation for her reasoning, other than I guess she is suggesting that Etiole somehow possesses them. I don’t know. I think the accusation that my cars have demons is the least logical and most confusing of any of the accusations to date.

A few years ago, in about 2005, I decided to look into this whole witch thing, to try to find out why folks kept saying I was a witch, but after talking to several wiccan-witches, they all told me the same thing – that there was no way in hell I was a witch because I was so much of a “super Christian Jesus freak”. Last spring some folks online said they thought I was more of an old fashioned Christian, the type like followed Jesus when he was still alive, and that today they are called ChristoPagans, which are neither witches nor what modern tradition calls Christian. I don’t know. I can’t figure any of it out. Christian call me a witch and witches call me a Jesus Freak, neither accept me as an equal. But still, after looking into the whole witch/wicca thing, I still can’t figure out why folks keep calling me a witch, and neither could any of the witches I talked to. They said the witch accusation was most likely based on my mode of dress. They thought it was most likely that folks look at my clothes and assume I’m a witch because of the things I wear.

But I don’t understand that either. You see, my grandmother was an Indian. She was a Kickapoo and lived much of her life in Hawaii. Because of her culture she wore muu-muu and kimono and long robes and stuff. She didn’t want her culture to die, like most native cultures had, but she couldn’t remember most of her native heritage, but her clothe connected her to her ancestors, it was the only part of her culture she had ever been taught (she was an orphan, in a time when Indians were still “red skin savages” so a lot of her culture history was lost.). As an adult she traveled around the world looking for information about her family history. That’s why she spent a lot of time in Hawiaii and Japan. I spent most of my childhood with her, because my mom was always in the hospital, and so, I grew up wearing muu-muus and kimono and robes and stuff, because that’s the way our native culture dressed. When she died in 1994, I inherited everything, including her collection of antique Hawaiian muu-muus and Japanese Kimono, which is what I have worn ever since I inherited them. The way I dress has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with my Native American culture, so I don’t understand why people look at the way I dress and call me a witch because of my cloths.

So, I mean, I can see where they are basing the witch accusations from (the Autism, Etiole, and my clothes), but I just can’t understand how they can actually believe such nonsense as to think I am a witch, because none of those things makes me a witch on their own, and even all three together can’t classify me as a witch either.

Bishop K did a lot of complaining about my cloths the day he called me to his office. I tried to explain about my grandmother, but my ability to speak coherently is not good. I’ve always had trouble making words come out of my mouth properly and that’s why I write things down instead. He kept saying I was a witch and putting spells on church members, and than he’d comment about my cloths.

The witch accusation upset me. I’ve gone through this every time a new bishop comes in. I don’t know who it is that runs to every bishop complaining about me and calling me a witch, but this has happened with 16 bishops and 3 stake presidents now. Every time I get told I’m a demon possessed witch casting spells and curses. Every time it’s eventually found out the accusations are false. Every time the monthly, sometimes weekly meetings with the bishop and stake pres drag on for 6 or 7 months. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. You can’t retry some one for a crime they were already tried for and proven innocent. And yet, here we go again, with bishop number 16 and stake pres number 3. That’s double jeopardy 16 times! Why? I’ve already been dragged before 15 different counsels, each time with the same accusation of apostasy and witchcraft and excommunication threats. Sixteen times since I was 12 years old! Each time has 6 or 7 meetings. WHY? Why do I have to go through this every time a new bishop or a new stake pres comes into the ward?

Do you have any idea how stressful this is? And people keep asking me why I don’t come back to church? Why should I? What incentive is there for me to attend meetings at church, when I won’t get the chance to attend half of meetings because I’m too busy being called into the bishop’s office where I get accused of being a witch? Most of the meetings took place on Sunday, they’s take me right out of Primary or Young Woman’s classes. I missed more than half of my Sunday meetings because I had to sit in the bishop’s office every Sunday being told I was some evil apostate witch. How can they expect me to want to go to church when I’m not allowed to attend the meetings when I do come in?

I used to go to whatever ward Ben was attending, but I’ve been with him since I was 12, (he’s 30 years older than me) which in the Cape Elez Ward no one cared much about that, a few folks complained, but not many and no one did anything about it. In the Sanford Ward though, one of the members was a DHS social worker, and some how she found out about how old I was when I started going out with Ben, and even though I was 27 by the time she found out about it, she raised hell for him, she wanted him to be put in prison and tried to get me to press charges against him, she really went overboard about it and he got into a lot of trouble and he almost got excommunicated over it, and now he’s terrified to be seen in church with me.

I don’t know why she flipped out like that, because I was 27 years old at the time, yeah I was 12, but well, if she had ever read the church handbook, the church puts 12 years old as the legal marriage age, so, whatever. Anyways, Ben is just terrified out of his mind over the whole ordeal and that’s why he called off the wedding a few weeks before the wedding date. (He has huge phobia problems, and the DHS threats made them worse.) A lot of folks in the Sanford Ward threatened to never speak to him again if we got married, so now he hides the fact that we are together. We were supposed to get married in the temple, but they would not allow it. They took Ben’s temple recommend away and said I was not allowed to have on on grounds of “mental incompetency”. Some folks called me a “grave digger” and others called me a “gold digger” and others said I was with Ben because I wanted to be “a lovely young widow”. Uhm . . . at the time Ben had A LOT of money. His dad is one of the wealthiest men in Kennebunk Port. I did not know all of that at the time though, because I had never meet Ben’s dad and Ben had never once in those first 15 years ever mentioned his job or money. I had no idea he had all that money, not until folks in the Sanford Ward started saying those things to me. Their words hurt me more than anything else ever could. Of course, since than, Ben has lost all that money, and well, I proved them wrong because all these years later, I’m still with him.

But that’s why I stopped going to the Sanford Ward. The whole freak out over the 30 year age difference was a really big issue for people there, though I still don’t understand why. That happened 7 years ago and I had hoped that they had calmed down some about our huge age difference. I went back to Sanford once this last summer, and well, let’s just say I was most diffenatly not welcomed there. I was there all of 10 minutes before Ben had to rush me out of the building and we left. Ben didn’t dare go back to church for a few weeks after that, so I haven’t tried going back to Sanford since. It’s really upsetting that people can hate me like that, just because I’m 30 years younger than Ben. It’s the one thing of all of everything, that has bothered me more than anything else. I want so desperately to attend church with Ben again, but I’m not allowed to, people just go nuts when they see us together. That upsets me more than the witch accusations from the Cape Elizabeth and Saco Wards do.

So, I just don’t go to church at all any more, as you can see, for a lot of reasons. The witch and demon accusations I could ignore. I sort of grew up with them, and while they hurt my feelings and stress me out, I’ve sort of gotten used to them. I try to ignore them. It’s the accusations involving me and Ben and our age difference, that upsets me most of all. I find it very hard to ignore these, because they effect our relationship. They stress Ben and, he just does not deal with stress well at all. He freaks out and goes into hiding and doesn’t dare to contact anyone, not even me – uhm, yeah, he has all sorts of alien abduction fears and stuff, and rambles on ufo stuff all the time, and whenever any one freaks him out, he just goes super paranoid, and the whole deal with folks freaking out over our age difference sort of freaked him out worse than most other stuff does, and seeing him get all upset over it, made me even more upset than I already was over it. So all in all, that hurts my feelings and upsets me more than the witch accusations do. And, well, if they are not going to let me attend church with Ben anymore, and over such a stupid reason just because he’s 30 years older than me, than really, I’ve lost all desire to go to church at all now, because I have a hard time seeing how Jesus would think well of a church that breaks up families, the way folks there are trying to break up me and Ben. Me an Ben have been together for 22 years. We meet in church. Church was such a big thing for us. We attending every meeting – the morning meetings the evening meetings (the church stopped doing the double meetings in the mid 1980′s) and all the week day meetings. We used to come do the landscaping, and cleaning the building, and repairing the roof, and decorating for youth dances, etc. For years we spent an average of 12 to 15 hours a week in church. That was in Cape Elizabeth, before they consolidated the Cape Elizabeth and Portland Wards.

The Cape Elizabeth Ward does not exist any more, it got folded into the Portland Ward in about 1995-ish, the same time the Cornish Ward broke off of it. Most of the folks I knew ended up in the Cornish Ward. Than Saco Broke off of Portland a few years later. I don’t know any body in the Portland and Saco Wards today, it’s all new folks now. And that’s what really gets me – I mean, how do people there even know who I am? I asked Johnny that, and he said it’s because me mom is constantly talking about me. According to Johnny, my mom is “obsessed with you” he said. He added “you should hear her at Wayne’s house, she talks about you all day long”. I asked Ben, if he knew anything about that, because, I rarely ever see my mom – like months and months and months go by, between seeing her. Ben told me that she emails him almost daily, and than he forwarded her emails to me – I was stunned! Every one of them was her talking about me and how “evil” I was. She used the words “evil” and “nasty” over and over again to describe me and spent a lot of time talking about my Twighlight Manor books. I found that fact interesting, considering she has yet to read one of my TM books and half the stuff she said I had written in them was not true. Oh well.

I’ve since found out that she has been emailing copies of these same emails to several of my uncles and, some one named “Corbet”, Johnny said that that is some woman from church. Don’t know, never heard of her, so I don’t know why my mom would be saying all that stuff to her. (I found out, because when Ben forwarded the emails to me, all the email addresses my mom had sent the email too was in the box). I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

I just realized how long this got. Uhm. Yeah, I guess I’ve been writing for the last 2 hours. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I should go before I end up writing a whole book here. =P

Well, that’s weird. I just noticed that FB pulled up the link to my Squidoo lens. Didn’t know it did that. Well, there’s a picture of Etiole there. LOL! I spend most of my time on Squidoo and Zazzle and Zanga so I so rarely use IMs, emails, or messages, I’m not too sure how they work I’m afraid. I guess it pulled up the link, like on the status box, because I typed it a ways back. Whatever.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

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Categories: About me · Adults with Aspergers · Aspergers · Aspergers Syndrome · Aspie · Autism · Biddeford · Church Leader · Cryptids · LDS · Maine · Mormons · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Town of Old Orchard · UFO · UFOs · Violence · Wendy C. Allen · York county · alien abduction · alien contact · aliens · church · church corruption · church leaders · make America the land of the free again · oob · paranormal · stress · threats
Tagged: alien abduction, church corruption, church leaders, EelKat, harassment, LDS, Mormons, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, UFO, Wendy C. Allen, witches

RE to IM on FaceBook – more detailed info about what started the witch accusations and harasment

(ADDED NOTE: I’m a third generation LDS/Saint/Mormon; this answer went to a “new” fellow member who was asking what happened to inspire my previous post, this was my answer:)

I got 3 windows each with 50 tabs open, and speakers on my computer zoned out a while back, so I don’t get the “beep” from FB anymore and even though FB still says I’m online, but I already moved to a different site. It’s sort of hard to keep track of me online, I zip back and forth so much. I was on Zazzle, not FB, so I didn’t see the messages til just now. Sorry.

Nope, didn’t know about the AS group. I’m still sort of new to getting out of the house, it’s kind of hard to get used to doing. I pretty much only ever leave to go to the writer’s meetings (NaNoWriMo and Screnzy) and to buy cat food and grain.

The guy that was yelling at me is from the Sanford ward. (It was yesterday). He’s the same one that was accusing me of writing “deframitory” letters to tons of people in the Sanford Ward, though he’s yet to be able to prove that any of those letters actually exist. So I don’t know if there really are letters I supposedly wrote or if that’s just some rumor. He’s sort of weird. I’m used to him showing up every once in a while. Bishop LR got after him about it a while back, and he stopped, but Sanford just changed bishops, so, I don’t know, I guess he thinks he can try it again. Anyways my mom emails him, (I guess she emails every body, because I’ve had to change my email 34 times as a result of her emailing people who than email me in a rage over whatever it is she has said at that moment.) and that’s usually what sets him off.

My mom showed up at the yard today, with the same accusations – witchcraft, proof being my lack of shoes. I don’t where she comes up with this from, but I guess seeing how she’s saying the same stuff the next day, that she’s the one who got him saying it. (He’s got mental problems and tends to repeat whatever he hears some one else say, so I’m not too worried about him, because I know he’s just parroting some thing he heard some one else say. It’s the person he’s repeating that bothers me.) But yeah, seeing how my mom showed up with the exact same accusation, I guess she’s the one who said it to him to begin with. After he accused me of the letters in Sanford, my mom showed up a few hours later that same day accusing me of letters in Saco, so I’m not sure what to think there. I’d still like to see one of these letters, because last time letters like that showed up, well, the only time letters like that showed up, and I actually saw one, it turned out that it was written by one of my mom’s brothers, not me, like every one thought. It’s the only time a letter ever actually came forward though, so I don’t believe the poison pen letter accusations half the time, because it’s so rare that they can ever provide proof that the letters they accuse me of writing, are even real at all.

I guess, it’s always my mom that gets people all wound up, at least from what I’m finding out these past few months. I know from what Bishop K said that it was my mom complaining to him, because he was quoting stuff, word for word the way my mom says them – demon possession, spell casting, curses, me being a witch. I’m just so sick of it. It hurts when people call me a witch or say I’m demon possessed, but than I’ve got Autism so they think I don’t have any feelings to hurt. I just never can understand how folks can believe her. The whole believing that demons and witches are real, is just something I can’t get my mind around. It’s so illogical. I can not understand how my mom or her brothers or Bishop M or Bishop K can believe in those things.

Of course, I don’t understand how come every time a new Bishop or Stake Pres comes in, I have to be retried all over again. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. The first time I got called in for “apostasy”, “witch craft”, “demon possession” and consideration for excommunication was when I was just 12 years old. That was Bishop Re and Stake Pres S. Bishop Re is the one who got released after having a mental breakdown. Stake Pres. S said there was no ground to excommunicate me than, because I was neither witch nor demon possessed nor apostate.

Than Bishop Ri called me in about 2 years later, said complaints of demon possession and witchcraft had been made again, but that he was no going to do anything about it, because he did not believe the complaint.

Bishop M replaced him, and at the same time Stake Pres E took over for S and it stated all over again. That time Bishop M brought in doctors from Pine Land Center, he claimed I was not only a demon possessed witch, but that I was schizophrenic as well. He tried several times to have me excommunicated between the ages of 14 through 17, each time he didn’t get any where with it.

Bishop B wanted to have all 264 of us (me and my relatives) excommunicated and is the one who told me “white trash like you and the rest of the Atwater clan don’t belong in this church”. That happened 13 years ago and was why I stopped going to the Cape Elizabeth Ward.

Cape E Ward broke off and became the Portland and Saco Wards instead, but by that time I had started going to the Sanford Ward.

That was when the vandalism started in. At first it was just rock throwing and stuff, but than the dead animals and photos of guns started showing up. In 2003 the drive by paint ball shootings started. They messed up my horse really bad, tore out half of her face and cut out both her eyes. It got so bad that the OOB police stationed a motorcycle cop to patrol Portland Ave. That’s when I stopped going to the Sanford Ward, because the police offices said they had evidence that it was people from church behind the vandalism. They had a list of suspects, all of them were from one of 5 different churches – 3 of the churches being the Saco, Portland, and Sanford LDS Wards. That’s when the reports and paparazzi got involved, one of the officers contacted the state police and one of them called ABC. We had reporters and photographers all over our land for about 3 months. That’s when my agoraphobia set it. Between the vandals killing my pets and the paint ballers and the reporters asking me questions and the police constantly warning us about who to avoid – I just freaked out big time. I couldn’t handle it.

Between 2001 and 2004 we had court dates on an almost weekly basis. I went to the early ones, but as the reporters and such got more involved, I stopped going to them. The later court dates from 2003 – 2005 I did not attend, except for one in summer of 2005, when I had a total meltdown in the court and the judge sent me to a psychiatrist. That’s when I found out I had Autism (Shizotypal Aspergers with OCD tendencies).

After the court stuff ended, my mom got something like $20K in the settlement, that’s when the vandalism went out of hand and our house got burned down.

Next thing we know, DHS is at the tent and telling us about an FBI investigation into OOB town manager, and that there were about 40 families on Portland Ave and Walnut Str that were involved, most every one of them had lost their homes, nearly all of them had been driven out of town, they couldn’t handle the stress. It was DHS that told us about Thomas and the other folks from the Saco Ward being investigated because some $3million had been embezzled out of town funds. That’s how I found out that the town manager and the town council were all members of the Saco Ward. OOB had to get rid of every one working in the town hall, and I had to deal with gov workers asking me questions left and right, only I didn’t know anything about all that stuff so finally they stopped coming over. I never did understand all that stuff with the DHS and the FBI and the town manager. No one ever gave us much information, they just wanted to know what we knew about it. In any case, finding that stuff out, freaked me out even more, because the guy they were investigating was a high priest in the Saco ward and the OOB town manager. They had records of how he’d been run out of 4 states already and he was constantly going from state to state to evade them. Finding that out, just scared the hell out of me and after that, I just stopped trusting every one.

I mean, you think you can trust a high priest right? You think you can trust your town manager right? But than the police and DHS tell us that these people we thought we could trust were the ones behind all the violence and death, and it just shatters your ability to trust any one after that. Now I don’t know who I can trust any more. But than, when all this was going on, normally I would have turned to the church for help, but I don’t any more because every time I do, the members and leaders start calling me a witch and telling me I’ve no right to be in church. I still don’t understand why people call me a witch.

I know several complaints happen because of the whole color thing. I see these glowing colors around people, which I thought every one saw. I didn’t realize until my late teens that other folks did not see them, or that it freaked people out when I talked about seeing them. But the whole me being a witch and casting spells and curses comes from that, because there were several times when I told people *that person* is about to die, and than within a few hours to a few days they did. People freaked out and said I made those people die, but what happened was, your color leaves and dissapers before your die, and if I see someone with no color, I know they’ll die soon. I was only 5 or 6 years old when I used to say those things, so the accusations of witchcraft and curses started early. That’s how the rumor got started at least. But that’s Autism, not witchcraft, so I don’t see how they can use that to call me a witch.

Than of course my encounter with whatever it is that Etiole is, is what started the accusations of me being demon possessed. I may not know what it is that Etiole is, but I do know what he is not, and he most certainly is not a demon. I assume you must know about Etiole, since it seems like every one does, but if not, I wrote all about him here: http://www.squidoo.com/amphibious-aliens so many folks kept asking me for more info about him, that I finally just wrote it down and now instead of reanswering everyone I just direct them to that link. It’s easier. And, again, though not many folks have ever seen Etiole, a few have, and they were not witches any more than I am, so I don’t see how my contact with him could make me a witch or demon possessed. Ben’s thoughts on the matter are that people who call Etiole a demon are silly, because (according to Ben) Etiole is an alien, some sort of Gray Hybrid or some such thing. (When Ben is not being a high priest, he spends his time being a ufologist.) I’m not sure what to think of Ben’s whole alien/alien abduction theory, but at least it makes more logical sense than the demon possession theory my mom’s always preaching. Personally, I’ve always thought of Etiole as a Faerie, which I say to mean a natural all be it rare, cryptiod creature, not some supernatural being or an extraterrestrial.

My mom’s constant accusations that first my Dodge and now my Volvo, are possessed by demons, baffles me. I have no explanation for her reasoning, other than I guess she is suggesting that Etiole somehow possesses them. I don’t know. I think the accusation that my cars have demons is the least logical and most confusing of any of the accusations to date.

A few years ago, in about 2005, I decided to look into this whole witch thing, to try to find out why folks kept saying I was a witch, but after talking to several wiccan-witches, they all told me the same thing – that there was no way in hell I was a witch because I was so much of a “super Christian Jesus freak”. Last spring some folks online said they thought I was more of an old fashioned Christian, the type like followed Jesus when he was still alive, and that today they are called ChristoPagans, which are neither witches nor what modern tradition calls Christian. I don’t know. I can’t figure any of it out. Christian call me a witch and witches call me a Jesus Freak, neither accept me as an equal. But still, after looking into the whole witch/wicca thing, I still can’t figure out why folks keep calling me a witch, and neither could any of the witches I talked to. They said the witch accusation was most likely based on my mode of dress. They thought it was most likely that folks look at my clothes and assume I’m a witch because of the things I wear.

But I don’t understand that either. You see, my grandmother was an Indian. She was a Kickapoo and lived much of her life in Hawaii. Because of her culture she wore muu-muu and kimono and long robes and stuff. She didn’t want her culture to die, like most native cultures had, but she couldn’t remember most of her native heritage, but her clothe connected her to her ancestors, it was the only part of her culture she had ever been taught (she was an orphan, in a time when Indians were still “red skin savages” so a lot of her culture history was lost.). As an adult she traveled around the world looking for information about her family history. That’s why she spent a lot of time in Hawiaii and Japan. I spent most of my childhood with her, because my mom was always in the hospital, and so, I grew up wearing muu-muus and kimono and robes and stuff, because that’s the way our native culture dressed. When she died in 1994, I inherited everything, including her collection of antique Hawaiian muu-muus and Japanese Kimono, which is what I have worn ever since I inherited them. The way I dress has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with my Native American culture, so I don’t understand why people look at the way I dress and call me a witch because of my cloths.

So, I mean, I can see where they are basing the witch accusations from (the Autism, Etiole, and my clothes), but I just can’t understand how they can actually believe such nonsense as to think I am a witch, because none of those things makes me a witch on their own, and even all three together can’t classify me as a witch either.

Bishop K did a lot of complaining about my cloths the day he called me to his office. I tried to explain about my grandmother, but my ability to speak coherently is not good. I’ve always had trouble making words come out of my mouth properly and that’s why I write things down instead. He kept saying I was a witch and putting spells on church members, and than he’d comment about my cloths.

The witch accusation upset me. I’ve gone through this every time a new bishop comes in. I don’t know who it is that runs to every bishop complaining about me and calling me a witch, but this has happened with 16 bishops and 3 stake presidents now. Every time I get told I’m a demon possessed witch casting spells and curses. Every time it’s eventually found out the accusations are false. Every time the monthly, sometimes weekly meetings with the bishop and stake pres drag on for 6 or 7 months. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. You can’t retry some one for a crime they were already tried for and proven innocent. And yet, here we go again, with bishop number 16 and stake pres number 3. That’s double jeopardy 16 times! Why? I’ve already been dragged before 15 different counsels, each time with the same accusation of apostasy and witchcraft and excommunication threats. Sixteen times since I was 12 years old! Each time has 6 or 7 meetings. WHY? Why do I have to go through this every time a new bishop or a new stake pres comes into the ward?

Do you have any idea how stressful this is? And people keep asking me why I don’t come back to church? Why should I? What incentive is there for me to attend meetings at church, when I won’t get the chance to attend half of meetings because I’m too busy being called into the bishop’s office where I get accused of being a witch? Most of the meetings took place on Sunday, they’s take me right out of Primary or Young Woman’s classes. I missed more than half of my Sunday meetings because I had to sit in the bishop’s office every Sunday being told I was some evil apostate witch. How can they expect me to want to go to church when I’m not allowed to attend the meetings when I do come in?

I used to go to whatever ward Ben was attending, but I’ve been with him since I was 12, (he’s 30 years older than me) which in the Cape Elez Ward no one cared much about that, a few folks complained, but not many and no one did anything about it. In the Sanford Ward though, one of the members was a DHS social worker, and some how she found out about how old I was when I started going out with Ben, and even though I was 27 by the time she found out about it, she raised hell for him, she wanted him to be put in prison and tried to get me to press charges against him, she really went overboard about it and he got into a lot of trouble and he almost got excommunicated over it, and now he’s terrified to be seen in church with me.

I don’t know why she flipped out like that, because I was 27 years old at the time, yeah I was 12, but well, if she had ever read the church handbook, the church puts 12 years old as the legal marriage age, so, whatever. Anyways, Ben is just terrified out of his mind over the whole ordeal and that’s why he called off the wedding a few weeks before the wedding date. (He has huge phobia problems, and the DHS threats made them worse.) A lot of folks in the Sanford Ward threatened to never speak to him again if we got married, so now he hides the fact that we are together. We were supposed to get married in the temple, but they would not allow it. They took Ben’s temple recommend away and said I was not allowed to have on on grounds of “mental incompetency”. Some folks called me a “grave digger” and others called me a “gold digger” and others said I was with Ben because I wanted to be “a lovely young widow”. Uhm . . . at the time Ben had A LOT of money. His dad is one of the wealthiest men in Kennebunk Port. I did not know all of that at the time though, because I had never meet Ben’s dad and Ben had never once in those first 15 years ever mentioned his job or money. I had no idea he had all that money, not until folks in the Sanford Ward started saying those things to me. Their words hurt me more than anything else ever could. Of course, since than, Ben has lost all that money, and well, I proved them wrong because all these years later, I’m still with him.

But that’s why I stopped going to the Sanford Ward. The whole freak out over the 30 year age difference was a really big issue for people there, though I still don’t understand why. That happened 7 years ago and I had hoped that they had calmed down some about our huge age difference. I went back to Sanford once this last summer, and well, let’s just say I was most diffenatly not welcomed there. I was there all of 10 minutes before Ben had to rush me out of the building and we left. Ben didn’t dare go back to church for a few weeks after that, so I haven’t tried going back to Sanford since. It’s really upsetting that people can hate me like that, just because I’m 30 years younger than Ben. It’s the one thing of all of everything, that has bothered me more than anything else. I want so desperately to attend church with Ben again, but I’m not allowed to, people just go nuts when they see us together. That upsets me more than the witch accusations from the Cape Elizabeth and Saco Wards do.

So, I just don’t go to church at all any more, as you can see, for a lot of reasons. The witch and demon accusations I could ignore. I sort of grew up with them, and while they hurt my feelings and stress me out, I’ve sort of gotten used to them. I try to ignore them. It’s the accusations involving me and Ben and our age difference, that upsets me most of all. I find it very hard to ignore these, because they effect our relationship. They stress Ben and, he just does not deal with stress well at all. He freaks out and goes into hiding and doesn’t dare to contact anyone, not even me – uhm, yeah, he has all sorts of alien abduction fears and stuff, and rambles on ufo stuff all the time, and whenever any one freaks him out, he just goes super paranoid, and the whole deal with folks freaking out over our age difference sort of freaked him out worse than most other stuff does, and seeing him get all upset over it, made me even more upset than I already was over it. So all in all, that hurts my feelings and upsets me more than the witch accusations do. And, well, if they are not going to let me attend church with Ben anymore, and over such a stupid reason just because he’s 30 years older than me, than really, I’ve lost all desire to go to church at all now, because I have a hard time seeing how Jesus would think well of a church that breaks up families, the way folks there are trying to break up me and Ben. Me an Ben have been together for 22 years. We meet in church. Church was such a big thing for us. We attending every meeting – the morning meetings the evening meetings (the church stopped doing the double meetings in the mid 1980′s) and all the week day meetings. We used to come do the landscaping, and cleaning the building, and repairing the roof, and decorating for youth dances, etc. For years we spent an average of 12 to 15 hours a week in church. That was in Cape Elizabeth, before they consolidated the Cape Elizabeth and Portland Wards.

The Cape Elizabeth Ward does not exist any more, it got folded into the Portland Ward in about 1995-ish, the same time the Cornish Ward broke off of it. Most of the folks I knew ended up in the Cornish Ward. Than Saco Broke off of Portland a few years later. I don’t know any body in the Portland and Saco Wards today, it’s all new folks now. And that’s what really gets me – I mean, how do people there even know who I am? I asked Johnny that, and he said it’s because me mom is constantly talking about me. According to Johnny, my mom is “obsessed with you” he said. He added “you should hear her at Wayne’s house, she talks about you all day long”. I asked Ben, if he knew anything about that, because, I rarely ever see my mom – like months and months and months go by, between seeing her. Ben told me that she emails him almost daily, and than he forwarded her emails to me – I was stunned! Every one of them was her talking about me and how “evil” I was. She used the words “evil” and “nasty” over and over again to describe me and spent a lot of time talking about my Twighlight Manor books. I found that fact interesting, considering she has yet to read one of my TM books and half the stuff she said I had written in them was not true. Oh well.

I’ve since found out that she has been emailing copies of these same emails to several of my uncles and, some one named “Corbet”, Johnny said that that is some woman from church. Don’t know, never heard of her, so I don’t know why my mom would be saying all that stuff to her. (I found out, because when Ben forwarded the emails to me, all the email addresses my mom had sent the email too was in the box). I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

I just realized how long this got. Uhm. Yeah, I guess I’ve been writing for the last 2 hours. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I should go before I end up writing a whole book here. =P

Well, that’s weird. I just noticed that FB pulled up the link to my Squidoo lens. Didn’t know it did that. Well, there’s a picture of Etiole there. LOL! I spend most of my time on Squidoo and Zazzle and Zanga so I so rarely use IMs, emails, or messages, I’m not too sure how they work I’m afraid. I guess it pulled up the link, like on the status box, because I typed it a ways back. Whatever.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
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http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

RE to IM on FaceBook – more detailed info about what started the witch accusations and harasment

(ADDED NOTE: I’m a third generation LDS/Saint/Mormon; this answer went to a “new” fellow member who was asking what happened to inspire my previous post, this was my answer:)

I got 3 windows each with 50 tabs open, and speakers on my computer zoned out a while back, so I don’t get the “beep” from FB anymore and even though FB still says I’m online, but I already moved to a different site. It’s sort of hard to keep track of me online, I zip back and forth so much. I was on Zazzle, not FB, so I didn’t see the messages til just now. Sorry.

Nope, didn’t know about the AS group. I’m still sort of new to getting out of the house, it’s kind of hard to get used to doing. I pretty much only ever leave to go to the writer’s meetings (NaNoWriMo and Screnzy) and to buy cat food and grain.

The guy that was yelling at me is from the Sanford ward. (It was yesterday). He’s the same one that was accusing me of writing “deframitory” letters to tons of people in the Sanford Ward, though he’s yet to be able to prove that any of those letters actually exist. So I don’t know if there really are letters I supposedly wrote or if that’s just some rumor. He’s sort of weird. I’m used to him showing up every once in a while. Bishop LR got after him about it a while back, and he stopped, but Sanford just changed bishops, so, I don’t know, I guess he thinks he can try it again. Anyways my mom emails him, (I guess she emails every body, because I’ve had to change my email 34 times as a result of her emailing people who than email me in a rage over whatever it is she has said at that moment.) and that’s usually what sets him off.

My mom showed up at the yard today, with the same accusations – witchcraft, proof being my lack of shoes. I don’t where she comes up with this from, but I guess seeing how she’s saying the same stuff the next day, that she’s the one who got him saying it. (He’s got mental problems and tends to repeat whatever he hears some one else say, so I’m not too worried about him, because I know he’s just parroting some thing he heard some one else say. It’s the person he’s repeating that bothers me.) But yeah, seeing how my mom showed up with the exact same accusation, I guess she’s the one who said it to him to begin with. After he accused me of the letters in Sanford, my mom showed up a few hours later that same day accusing me of letters in Saco, so I’m not sure what to think there. I’d still like to see one of these letters, because last time letters like that showed up, well, the only time letters like that showed up, and I actually saw one, it turned out that it was written by one of my mom’s brothers, not me, like every one thought. It’s the only time a letter ever actually came forward though, so I don’t believe the poison pen letter accusations half the time, because it’s so rare that they can ever provide proof that the letters they accuse me of writing, are even real at all.

I guess, it’s always my mom that gets people all wound up, at least from what I’m finding out these past few months. I know from what Bishop K said that it was my mom complaining to him, because he was quoting stuff, word for word the way my mom says them – demon possession, spell casting, curses, me being a witch. I’m just so sick of it. It hurts when people call me a witch or say I’m demon possessed, but than I’ve got Autism so they think I don’t have any feelings to hurt. I just never can understand how folks can believe her. The whole believing that demons and witches are real, is just something I can’t get my mind around. It’s so illogical. I can not understand how my mom or her brothers or Bishop M or Bishop K can believe in those things.

Of course, I don’t understand how come every time a new Bishop or Stake Pres comes in, I have to be retried all over again. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. The first time I got called in for “apostasy”, “witch craft”, “demon possession” and consideration for excommunication was when I was just 12 years old. That was Bishop Re and Stake Pres S. Bishop Re is the one who got released after having a mental breakdown. Stake Pres. S said there was no ground to excommunicate me than, because I was neither witch nor demon possessed nor apostate.

Than Bishop Ri called me in about 2 years later, said complaints of demon possession and witchcraft had been made again, but that he was no going to do anything about it, because he did not believe the complaint.

Bishop M replaced him, and at the same time Stake Pres E took over for S and it stated all over again. That time Bishop M brought in doctors from Pine Land Center, he claimed I was not only a demon possessed witch, but that I was schizophrenic as well. He tried several times to have me excommunicated between the ages of 14 through 17, each time he didn’t get any where with it.

Bishop B wanted to have all 264 of us (me and my relatives) excommunicated and is the one who told me “white trash like you and the rest of the Atwater clan don’t belong in this church”. That happened 13 years ago and was why I stopped going to the Cape Elizabeth Ward.

Cape E Ward broke off and became the Portland and Saco Wards instead, but by that time I had started going to the Sanford Ward.

That was when the vandalism started in. At first it was just rock throwing and stuff, but than the dead animals and photos of guns started showing up. In 2003 the drive by paint ball shootings started. They messed up my horse really bad, tore out half of her face and cut out both her eyes. It got so bad that the OOB police stationed a motorcycle cop to patrol Portland Ave. That’s when I stopped going to the Sanford Ward, because the police offices said they had evidence that it was people from church behind the vandalism. They had a list of suspects, all of them were from one of 5 different churches – 3 of the churches being the Saco, Portland, and Sanford LDS Wards. That’s when the reports and paparazzi got involved, one of the officers contacted the state police and one of them called ABC. We had reporters and photographers all over our land for about 3 months. That’s when my agoraphobia set it. Between the vandals killing my pets and the paint ballers and the reporters asking me questions and the police constantly warning us about who to avoid – I just freaked out big time. I couldn’t handle it.

Between 2001 and 2004 we had court dates on an almost weekly basis. I went to the early ones, but as the reporters and such got more involved, I stopped going to them. The later court dates from 2003 – 2005 I did not attend, except for one in summer of 2005, when I had a total meltdown in the court and the judge sent me to a psychiatrist. That’s when I found out I had Autism (Shizotypal Aspergers with OCD tendencies).

After the court stuff ended, my mom got something like $20K in the settlement, that’s when the vandalism went out of hand and our house got burned down.

Next thing we know, DHS is at the tent and telling us about an FBI investigation into OOB town manager, and that there were about 40 families on Portland Ave and Walnut Str that were involved, most every one of them had lost their homes, nearly all of them had been driven out of town, they couldn’t handle the stress. It was DHS that told us about Thomas and the other folks from the Saco Ward being investigated because some $3million had been embezzled out of town funds. That’s how I found out that the town manager and the town council were all members of the Saco Ward. OOB had to get rid of every one working in the town hall, and I had to deal with gov workers asking me questions left and right, only I didn’t know anything about all that stuff so finally they stopped coming over. I never did understand all that stuff with the DHS and the FBI and the town manager. No one ever gave us much information, they just wanted to know what we knew about it. In any case, finding that stuff out, freaked me out even more, because the guy they were investigating was a high priest in the Saco ward and the OOB town manager. They had records of how he’d been run out of 4 states already and he was constantly going from state to state to evade them. Finding that out, just scared the hell out of me and after that, I just stopped trusting every one.

I mean, you think you can trust a high priest right? You think you can trust your town manager right? But than the police and DHS tell us that these people we thought we could trust were the ones behind all the violence and death, and it just shatters your ability to trust any one after that. Now I don’t know who I can trust any more. But than, when all this was going on, normally I would have turned to the church for help, but I don’t any more because every time I do, the members and leaders start calling me a witch and telling me I’ve no right to be in church. I still don’t understand why people call me a witch.

I know several complaints happen because of the whole color thing. I see these glowing colors around people, which I thought every one saw. I didn’t realize until my late teens that other folks did not see them, or that it freaked people out when I talked about seeing them. But the whole me being a witch and casting spells and curses comes from that, because there were several times when I told people *that person* is about to die, and than within a few hours to a few days they did. People freaked out and said I made those people die, but what happened was, your color leaves and dissapers before your die, and if I see someone with no color, I know they’ll die soon. I was only 5 or 6 years old when I used to say those things, so the accusations of witchcraft and curses started early. That’s how the rumor got started at least. But that’s Autism, not witchcraft, so I don’t see how they can use that to call me a witch.

Than of course my encounter with whatever it is that Etiole is, is what started the accusations of me being demon possessed. I may not know what it is that Etiole is, but I do know what he is not, and he most certainly is not a demon. I assume you must know about Etiole, since it seems like every one does, but if not, I wrote all about him here: http://www.squidoo.com/amphibious-aliens so many folks kept asking me for more info about him, that I finally just wrote it down and now instead of reanswering everyone I just direct them to that link. It’s easier. And, again, though not many folks have ever seen Etiole, a few have, and they were not witches any more than I am, so I don’t see how my contact with him could make me a witch or demon possessed. Ben’s thoughts on the matter are that people who call Etiole a demon are silly, because (according to Ben) Etiole is an alien, some sort of Gray Hybrid or some such thing. (When Ben is not being a high priest, he spends his time being a ufologist.) I’m not sure what to think of Ben’s whole alien/alien abduction theory, but at least it makes more logical sense than the demon possession theory my mom’s always preaching. Personally, I’ve always thought of Etiole as a Faerie, which I say to mean a natural all be it rare, cryptiod creature, not some supernatural being or an extraterrestrial.

My mom’s constant accusations that first my Dodge and now my Volvo, are possessed by demons, baffles me. I have no explanation for her reasoning, other than I guess she is suggesting that Etiole somehow possesses them. I don’t know. I think the accusation that my cars have demons is the least logical and most confusing of any of the accusations to date.

A few years ago, in about 2005, I decided to look into this whole witch thing, to try to find out why folks kept saying I was a witch, but after talking to several wiccan-witches, they all told me the same thing – that there was no way in hell I was a witch because I was so much of a “super Christian Jesus freak”. Last spring some folks online said they thought I was more of an old fashioned Christian, the type like followed Jesus when he was still alive, and that today they are called ChristoPagans, which are neither witches nor what modern tradition calls Christian. I don’t know. I can’t figure any of it out. Christian call me a witch and witches call me a Jesus Freak, neither accept me as an equal. But still, after looking into the whole witch/wicca thing, I still can’t figure out why folks keep calling me a witch, and neither could any of the witches I talked to. They said the witch accusation was most likely based on my mode of dress. They thought it was most likely that folks look at my clothes and assume I’m a witch because of the things I wear.

But I don’t understand that either. You see, my grandmother was an Indian. She was a Kickapoo and lived much of her life in Hawaii. Because of her culture she wore muu-muu and kimono and long robes and stuff. She didn’t want her culture to die, like most native cultures had, but she couldn’t remember most of her native heritage, but her clothe connected her to her ancestors, it was the only part of her culture she had ever been taught (she was an orphan, in a time when Indians were still “red skin savages” so a lot of her culture history was lost.). As an adult she traveled around the world looking for information about her family history. That’s why she spent a lot of time in Hawiaii and Japan. I spent most of my childhood with her, because my mom was always in the hospital, and so, I grew up wearing muu-muus and kimono and robes and stuff, because that’s the way our native culture dressed. When she died in 1994, I inherited everything, including her collection of antique Hawaiian muu-muus and Japanese Kimono, which is what I have worn ever since I inherited them. The way I dress has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with my Native American culture, so I don’t understand why people look at the way I dress and call me a witch because of my cloths.

So, I mean, I can see where they are basing the witch accusations from (the Autism, Etiole, and my clothes), but I just can’t understand how they can actually believe such nonsense as to think I am a witch, because none of those things makes me a witch on their own, and even all three together can’t classify me as a witch either.

Bishop K did a lot of complaining about my cloths the day he called me to his office. I tried to explain about my grandmother, but my ability to speak coherently is not good. I’ve always had trouble making words come out of my mouth properly and that’s why I write things down instead. He kept saying I was a witch and putting spells on church members, and than he’d comment about my cloths.

The witch accusation upset me. I’ve gone through this every time a new bishop comes in. I don’t know who it is that runs to every bishop complaining about me and calling me a witch, but this has happened with 16 bishops and 3 stake presidents now. Every time I get told I’m a demon possessed witch casting spells and curses. Every time it’s eventually found out the accusations are false. Every time the monthly, sometimes weekly meetings with the bishop and stake pres drag on for 6 or 7 months. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. You can’t retry some one for a crime they were already tried for and proven innocent. And yet, here we go again, with bishop number 16 and stake pres number 3. That’s double jeopardy 16 times! Why? I’ve already been dragged before 15 different counsels, each time with the same accusation of apostasy and witchcraft and excommunication threats. Sixteen times since I was 12 years old! Each time has 6 or 7 meetings. WHY? Why do I have to go through this every time a new bishop or a new stake pres comes into the ward?

Do you have any idea how stressful this is? And people keep asking me why I don’t come back to church? Why should I? What incentive is there for me to attend meetings at church, when I won’t get the chance to attend half of meetings because I’m too busy being called into the bishop’s office where I get accused of being a witch? Most of the meetings took place on Sunday, they’s take me right out of Primary or Young Woman’s classes. I missed more than half of my Sunday meetings because I had to sit in the bishop’s office every Sunday being told I was some evil apostate witch. How can they expect me to want to go to church when I’m not allowed to attend the meetings when I do come in?

I used to go to whatever ward Ben was attending, but I’ve been with him since I was 12, (he’s 30 years older than me) which in the Cape Elez Ward no one cared much about that, a few folks complained, but not many and no one did anything about it. In the Sanford Ward though, one of the members was a DHS social worker, and some how she found out about how old I was when I started going out with Ben, and even though I was 27 by the time she found out about it, she raised hell for him, she wanted him to be put in prison and tried to get me to press charges against him, she really went overboard about it and he got into a lot of trouble and he almost got excommunicated over it, and now he’s terrified to be seen in church with me.

I don’t know why she flipped out like that, because I was 27 years old at the time, yeah I was 12, but well, if she had ever read the church handbook, the church puts 12 years old as the legal marriage age, so, whatever. Anyways, Ben is just terrified out of his mind over the whole ordeal and that’s why he called off the wedding a few weeks before the wedding date. (He has huge phobia problems, and the DHS threats made them worse.) A lot of folks in the Sanford Ward threatened to never speak to him again if we got married, so now he hides the fact that we are together. We were supposed to get married in the temple, but they would not allow it. They took Ben’s temple recommend away and said I was not allowed to have on on grounds of “mental incompetency”. Some folks called me a “grave digger” and others called me a “gold digger” and others said I was with Ben because I wanted to be “a lovely young widow”. Uhm . . . at the time Ben had A LOT of money. His dad is one of the wealthiest men in Kennebunk Port. I did not know all of that at the time though, because I had never meet Ben’s dad and Ben had never once in those first 15 years ever mentioned his job or money. I had no idea he had all that money, not until folks in the Sanford Ward started saying those things to me. Their words hurt me more than anything else ever could. Of course, since than, Ben has lost all that money, and well, I proved them wrong because all these years later, I’m still with him.

But that’s why I stopped going to the Sanford Ward. The whole freak out over the 30 year age difference was a really big issue for people there, though I still don’t understand why. That happened 7 years ago and I had hoped that they had calmed down some about our huge age difference. I went back to Sanford once this last summer, and well, let’s just say I was most diffenatly not welcomed there. I was there all of 10 minutes before Ben had to rush me out of the building and we left. Ben didn’t dare go back to church for a few weeks after that, so I haven’t tried going back to Sanford since. It’s really upsetting that people can hate me like that, just because I’m 30 years younger than Ben. It’s the one thing of all of everything, that has bothered me more than anything else. I want so desperately to attend church with Ben again, but I’m not allowed to, people just go nuts when they see us together. That upsets me more than the witch accusations from the Cape Elizabeth and Saco Wards do.

So, I just don’t go to church at all any more, as you can see, for a lot of reasons. The witch and demon accusations I could ignore. I sort of grew up with them, and while they hurt my feelings and stress me out, I’ve sort of gotten used to them. I try to ignore them. It’s the accusations involving me and Ben and our age difference, that upsets me most of all. I find it very hard to ignore these, because they effect our relationship. They stress Ben and, he just does not deal with stress well at all. He freaks out and goes into hiding and doesn’t dare to contact anyone, not even me – uhm, yeah, he has all sorts of alien abduction fears and stuff, and rambles on ufo stuff all the time, and whenever any one freaks him out, he just goes super paranoid, and the whole deal with folks freaking out over our age difference sort of freaked him out worse than most other stuff does, and seeing him get all upset over it, made me even more upset than I already was over it. So all in all, that hurts my feelings and upsets me more than the witch accusations do. And, well, if they are not going to let me attend church with Ben anymore, and over such a stupid reason just because he’s 30 years older than me, than really, I’ve lost all desire to go to church at all now, because I have a hard time seeing how Jesus would think well of a church that breaks up families, the way folks there are trying to break up me and Ben. Me an Ben have been together for 22 years. We meet in church. Church was such a big thing for us. We attending every meeting – the morning meetings the evening meetings (the church stopped doing the double meetings in the mid 1980′s) and all the week day meetings. We used to come do the landscaping, and cleaning the building, and repairing the roof, and decorating for youth dances, etc. For years we spent an average of 12 to 15 hours a week in church. That was in Cape Elizabeth, before they consolidated the Cape Elizabeth and Portland Wards.

The Cape Elizabeth Ward does not exist any more, it got folded into the Portland Ward in about 1995-ish, the same time the Cornish Ward broke off of it. Most of the folks I knew ended up in the Cornish Ward. Than Saco Broke off of Portland a few years later. I don’t know any body in the Portland and Saco Wards today, it’s all new folks now. And that’s what really gets me – I mean, how do people there even know who I am? I asked Johnny that, and he said it’s because me mom is constantly talking about me. According to Johnny, my mom is “obsessed with you” he said. He added “you should hear her at Wayne’s house, she talks about you all day long”. I asked Ben, if he knew anything about that, because, I rarely ever see my mom – like months and months and months go by, between seeing her. Ben told me that she emails him almost daily, and than he forwarded her emails to me – I was stunned! Every one of them was her talking about me and how “evil” I was. She used the words “evil” and “nasty” over and over again to describe me and spent a lot of time talking about my Twighlight Manor books. I found that fact interesting, considering she has yet to read one of my TM books and half the stuff she said I had written in them was not true. Oh well.

I’ve since found out that she has been emailing copies of these same emails to several of my uncles and, some one named “Corbet”, Johnny said that that is some woman from church. Don’t know, never heard of her, so I don’t know why my mom would be saying all that stuff to her. (I found out, because when Ben forwarded the emails to me, all the email addresses my mom had sent the email too was in the box). I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

I just realized how long this got. Uhm. Yeah, I guess I’ve been writing for the last 2 hours. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I should go before I end up writing a whole book here. =P

Well, that’s weird. I just noticed that FB pulled up the link to my Squidoo lens. Didn’t know it did that. Well, there’s a picture of Etiole there. LOL! I spend most of my time on Squidoo and Zazzle and Zanga so I so rarely use IMs, emails, or messages, I’m not too sure how they work I’m afraid. I guess it pulled up the link, like on the status box, because I typed it a ways back. Whatever.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

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http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
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RE to IM on FaceBook – more detailed info about what started the witch accusations and harasment

(ADDED NOTE: I’m a third generation LDS/Saint/Mormon; this answer went to a “new” fellow member who was asking what happened to inspire my previous post, this was my answer:)

I got 3 windows each with 50 tabs open, and speakers on my computer zoned out a while back, so I don’t get the “beep” from FB anymore and even though FB still says I’m online, but I already moved to a different site. It’s sort of hard to keep track of me online, I zip back and forth so much. I was on Zazzle, not FB, so I didn’t see the messages til just now. Sorry.

Nope, didn’t know about the AS group. I’m still sort of new to getting out of the house, it’s kind of hard to get used to doing. I pretty much only ever leave to go to the writer’s meetings (NaNoWriMo and Screnzy) and to buy cat food and grain.

The guy that was yelling at me is from the Sanford ward. (It was yesterday). He’s the same one that was accusing me of writing “deframitory” letters to tons of people in the Sanford Ward, though he’s yet to be able to prove that any of those letters actually exist. So I don’t know if there really are letters I supposedly wrote or if that’s just some rumor. He’s sort of weird. I’m used to him showing up every once in a while. Bishop LR got after him about it a while back, and he stopped, but Sanford just changed bishops, so, I don’t know, I guess he thinks he can try it again. Anyways my mom emails him, (I guess she emails every body, because I’ve had to change my email 34 times as a result of her emailing people who than email me in a rage over whatever it is she has said at that moment.) and that’s usually what sets him off.

My mom showed up at the yard today, with the same accusations – witchcraft, proof being my lack of shoes. I don’t where she comes up with this from, but I guess seeing how she’s saying the same stuff the next day, that she’s the one who got him saying it. (He’s got mental problems and tends to repeat whatever he hears some one else say, so I’m not too worried about him, because I know he’s just parroting some thing he heard some one else say. It’s the person he’s repeating that bothers me.) But yeah, seeing how my mom showed up with the exact same accusation, I guess she’s the one who said it to him to begin with. After he accused me of the letters in Sanford, my mom showed up a few hours later that same day accusing me of letters in Saco, so I’m not sure what to think there. I’d still like to see one of these letters, because last time letters like that showed up, well, the only time letters like that showed up, and I actually saw one, it turned out that it was written by one of my mom’s brothers, not me, like every one thought. It’s the only time a letter ever actually came forward though, so I don’t believe the poison pen letter accusations half the time, because it’s so rare that they can ever provide proof that the letters they accuse me of writing, are even real at all.

I guess, it’s always my mom that gets people all wound up, at least from what I’m finding out these past few months. I know from what Bishop K said that it was my mom complaining to him, because he was quoting stuff, word for word the way my mom says them – demon possession, spell casting, curses, me being a witch. I’m just so sick of it. It hurts when people call me a witch or say I’m demon possessed, but than I’ve got Autism so they think I don’t have any feelings to hurt. I just never can understand how folks can believe her. The whole believing that demons and witches are real, is just something I can’t get my mind around. It’s so illogical. I can not understand how my mom or her brothers or Bishop M or Bishop K can believe in those things.

Of course, I don’t understand how come every time a new Bishop or Stake Pres comes in, I have to be retried all over again. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. The first time I got called in for “apostasy”, “witch craft”, “demon possession” and consideration for excommunication was when I was just 12 years old. That was Bishop Re and Stake Pres S. Bishop Re is the one who got released after having a mental breakdown. Stake Pres. S said there was no ground to excommunicate me than, because I was neither witch nor demon possessed nor apostate.

Than Bishop Ri called me in about 2 years later, said complaints of demon possession and witchcraft had been made again, but that he was no going to do anything about it, because he did not believe the complaint.

Bishop M replaced him, and at the same time Stake Pres E took over for S and it stated all over again. That time Bishop M brought in doctors from Pine Land Center, he claimed I was not only a demon possessed witch, but that I was schizophrenic as well. He tried several times to have me excommunicated between the ages of 14 through 17, each time he didn’t get any where with it.

Bishop B wanted to have all 264 of us (me and my relatives) excommunicated and is the one who told me “white trash like you and the rest of the Atwater clan don’t belong in this church”. That happened 13 years ago and was why I stopped going to the Cape Elizabeth Ward.

Cape E Ward broke off and became the Portland and Saco Wards instead, but by that time I had started going to the Sanford Ward.

That was when the vandalism started in. At first it was just rock throwing and stuff, but than the dead animals and photos of guns started showing up. In 2003 the drive by paint ball shootings started. They messed up my horse really bad, tore out half of her face and cut out both her eyes. It got so bad that the OOB police stationed a motorcycle cop to patrol Portland Ave. That’s when I stopped going to the Sanford Ward, because the police offices said they had evidence that it was people from church behind the vandalism. They had a list of suspects, all of them were from one of 5 different churches – 3 of the churches being the Saco, Portland, and Sanford LDS Wards. That’s when the reports and paparazzi got involved, one of the officers contacted the state police and one of them called ABC. We had reporters and photographers all over our land for about 3 months. That’s when my agoraphobia set it. Between the vandals killing my pets and the paint ballers and the reporters asking me questions and the police constantly warning us about who to avoid – I just freaked out big time. I couldn’t handle it.

Between 2001 and 2004 we had court dates on an almost weekly basis. I went to the early ones, but as the reporters and such got more involved, I stopped going to them. The later court dates from 2003 – 2005 I did not attend, except for one in summer of 2005, when I had a total meltdown in the court and the judge sent me to a psychiatrist. That’s when I found out I had Autism (Shizotypal Aspergers with OCD tendencies).

After the court stuff ended, my mom got something like $20K in the settlement, that’s when the vandalism went out of hand and our house got burned down.

Next thing we know, DHS is at the tent and telling us about an FBI investigation into OOB town manager, and that there were about 40 families on Portland Ave and Walnut Str that were involved, most every one of them had lost their homes, nearly all of them had been driven out of town, they couldn’t handle the stress. It was DHS that told us about Thomas and the other folks from the Saco Ward being investigated because some $3million had been embezzled out of town funds. That’s how I found out that the town manager and the town council were all members of the Saco Ward. OOB had to get rid of every one working in the town hall, and I had to deal with gov workers asking me questions left and right, only I didn’t know anything about all that stuff so finally they stopped coming over. I never did understand all that stuff with the DHS and the FBI and the town manager. No one ever gave us much information, they just wanted to know what we knew about it. In any case, finding that stuff out, freaked me out even more, because the guy they were investigating was a high priest in the Saco ward and the OOB town manager. They had records of how he’d been run out of 4 states already and he was constantly going from state to state to evade them. Finding that out, just scared the hell out of me and after that, I just stopped trusting every one.

I mean, you think you can trust a high priest right? You think you can trust your town manager right? But than the police and DHS tell us that these people we thought we could trust were the ones behind all the violence and death, and it just shatters your ability to trust any one after that. Now I don’t know who I can trust any more. But than, when all this was going on, normally I would have turned to the church for help, but I don’t any more because every time I do, the members and leaders start calling me a witch and telling me I’ve no right to be in church. I still don’t understand why people call me a witch.

I know several complaints happen because of the whole color thing. I see these glowing colors around people, which I thought every one saw. I didn’t realize until my late teens that other folks did not see them, or that it freaked people out when I talked about seeing them. But the whole me being a witch and casting spells and curses comes from that, because there were several times when I told people *that person* is about to die, and than within a few hours to a few days they did. People freaked out and said I made those people die, but what happened was, your color leaves and dissapers before your die, and if I see someone with no color, I know they’ll die soon. I was only 5 or 6 years old when I used to say those things, so the accusations of witchcraft and curses started early. That’s how the rumor got started at least. But that’s Autism, not witchcraft, so I don’t see how they can use that to call me a witch.

Than of course my encounter with whatever it is that Etiole is, is what started the accusations of me being demon possessed. I may not know what it is that Etiole is, but I do know what he is not, and he most certainly is not a demon. I assume you must know about Etiole, since it seems like every one does, but if not, I wrote all about him here: http://www.squidoo.com/amphibious-aliens so many folks kept asking me for more info about him, that I finally just wrote it down and now instead of reanswering everyone I just direct them to that link. It’s easier. And, again, though not many folks have ever seen Etiole, a few have, and they were not witches any more than I am, so I don’t see how my contact with him could make me a witch or demon possessed. Ben’s thoughts on the matter are that people who call Etiole a demon are silly, because (according to Ben) Etiole is an alien, some sort of Gray Hybrid or some such thing. (When Ben is not being a high priest, he spends his time being a ufologist.) I’m not sure what to think of Ben’s whole alien/alien abduction theory, but at least it makes more logical sense than the demon possession theory my mom’s always preaching. Personally, I’ve always thought of Etiole as a Faerie, which I say to mean a natural all be it rare, cryptiod creature, not some supernatural being or an extraterrestrial.

My mom’s constant accusations that first my Dodge and now my Volvo, are possessed by demons, baffles me. I have no explanation for her reasoning, other than I guess she is suggesting that Etiole somehow possesses them. I don’t know. I think the accusation that my cars have demons is the least logical and most confusing of any of the accusations to date.

A few years ago, in about 2005, I decided to look into this whole witch thing, to try to find out why folks kept saying I was a witch, but after talking to several wiccan-witches, they all told me the same thing – that there was no way in hell I was a witch because I was so much of a “super Christian Jesus freak”. Last spring some folks online said they thought I was more of an old fashioned Christian, the type like followed Jesus when he was still alive, and that today they are called ChristoPagans, which are neither witches nor what modern tradition calls Christian. I don’t know. I can’t figure any of it out. Christian call me a witch and witches call me a Jesus Freak, neither accept me as an equal. But still, after looking into the whole witch/wicca thing, I still can’t figure out why folks keep calling me a witch, and neither could any of the witches I talked to. They said the witch accusation was most likely based on my mode of dress. They thought it was most likely that folks look at my clothes and assume I’m a witch because of the things I wear.

But I don’t understand that either. You see, my grandmother was an Indian. She was a Kickapoo and lived much of her life in Hawaii. Because of her culture she wore muu-muu and kimono and long robes and stuff. She didn’t want her culture to die, like most native cultures had, but she couldn’t remember most of her native heritage, but her clothe connected her to her ancestors, it was the only part of her culture she had ever been taught (she was an orphan, in a time when Indians were still “red skin savages” so a lot of her culture history was lost.). As an adult she traveled around the world looking for information about her family history. That’s why she spent a lot of time in Hawiaii and Japan. I spent most of my childhood with her, because my mom was always in the hospital, and so, I grew up wearing muu-muus and kimono and robes and stuff, because that’s the way our native culture dressed. When she died in 1994, I inherited everything, including her collection of antique Hawaiian muu-muus and Japanese Kimono, which is what I have worn ever since I inherited them. The way I dress has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with my Native American culture, so I don’t understand why people look at the way I dress and call me a witch because of my cloths.

So, I mean, I can see where they are basing the witch accusations from (the Autism, Etiole, and my clothes), but I just can’t understand how they can actually believe such nonsense as to think I am a witch, because none of those things makes me a witch on their own, and even all three together can’t classify me as a witch either.

Bishop K did a lot of complaining about my cloths the day he called me to his office. I tried to explain about my grandmother, but my ability to speak coherently is not good. I’ve always had trouble making words come out of my mouth properly and that’s why I write things down instead. He kept saying I was a witch and putting spells on church members, and than he’d comment about my cloths.

The witch accusation upset me. I’ve gone through this every time a new bishop comes in. I don’t know who it is that runs to every bishop complaining about me and calling me a witch, but this has happened with 16 bishops and 3 stake presidents now. Every time I get told I’m a demon possessed witch casting spells and curses. Every time it’s eventually found out the accusations are false. Every time the monthly, sometimes weekly meetings with the bishop and stake pres drag on for 6 or 7 months. Double Jeopardy is illegal in the USA. You can’t retry some one for a crime they were already tried for and proven innocent. And yet, here we go again, with bishop number 16 and stake pres number 3. That’s double jeopardy 16 times! Why? I’ve already been dragged before 15 different counsels, each time with the same accusation of apostasy and witchcraft and excommunication threats. Sixteen times since I was 12 years old! Each time has 6 or 7 meetings. WHY? Why do I have to go through this every time a new bishop or a new stake pres comes into the ward?

Do you have any idea how stressful this is? And people keep asking me why I don’t come back to church? Why should I? What incentive is there for me to attend meetings at church, when I won’t get the chance to attend half of meetings because I’m too busy being called into the bishop’s office where I get accused of being a witch? Most of the meetings took place on Sunday, they’s take me right out of Primary or Young Woman’s classes. I missed more than half of my Sunday meetings because I had to sit in the bishop’s office every Sunday being told I was some evil apostate witch. How can they expect me to want to go to church when I’m not allowed to attend the meetings when I do come in?

I used to go to whatever ward Ben was attending, but I’ve been with him since I was 12, (he’s 30 years older than me) which in the Cape Elez Ward no one cared much about that, a few folks complained, but not many and no one did anything about it. In the Sanford Ward though, one of the members was a DHS social worker, and some how she found out about how old I was when I started going out with Ben, and even though I was 27 by the time she found out about it, she raised hell for him, she wanted him to be put in prison and tried to get me to press charges against him, she really went overboard about it and he got into a lot of trouble and he almost got excommunicated over it, and now he’s terrified to be seen in church with me.

I don’t know why she flipped out like that, because I was 27 years old at the time, yeah I was 12, but well, if she had ever read the church handbook, the church puts 12 years old as the legal marriage age, so, whatever. Anyways, Ben is just terrified out of his mind over the whole ordeal and that’s why he called off the wedding a few weeks before the wedding date. (He has huge phobia problems, and the DHS threats made them worse.) A lot of folks in the Sanford Ward threatened to never speak to him again if we got married, so now he hides the fact that we are together. We were supposed to get married in the temple, but they would not allow it. They took Ben’s temple recommend away and said I was not allowed to have on on grounds of “mental incompetency”. Some folks called me a “grave digger” and others called me a “gold digger” and others said I was with Ben because I wanted to be “a lovely young widow”. Uhm . . . at the time Ben had A LOT of money. His dad is one of the wealthiest men in Kennebunk Port. I did not know all of that at the time though, because I had never meet Ben’s dad and Ben had never once in those first 15 years ever mentioned his job or money. I had no idea he had all that money, not until folks in the Sanford Ward started saying those things to me. Their words hurt me more than anything else ever could. Of course, since than, Ben has lost all that money, and well, I proved them wrong because all these years later, I’m still with him.

But that’s why I stopped going to the Sanford Ward. The whole freak out over the 30 year age difference was a really big issue for people there, though I still don’t understand why. That happened 7 years ago and I had hoped that they had calmed down some about our huge age difference. I went back to Sanford once this last summer, and well, let’s just say I was most diffenatly not welcomed there. I was there all of 10 minutes before Ben had to rush me out of the building and we left. Ben didn’t dare go back to church for a few weeks after that, so I haven’t tried going back to Sanford since. It’s really upsetting that people can hate me like that, just because I’m 30 years younger than Ben. It’s the one thing of all of everything, that has bothered me more than anything else. I want so desperately to attend church with Ben again, but I’m not allowed to, people just go nuts when they see us together. That upsets me more than the witch accusations from the Cape Elizabeth and Saco Wards do.

So, I just don’t go to church at all any more, as you can see, for a lot of reasons. The witch and demon accusations I could ignore. I sort of grew up with them, and while they hurt my feelings and stress me out, I’ve sort of gotten used to them. I try to ignore them. It’s the accusations involving me and Ben and our age difference, that upsets me most of all. I find it very hard to ignore these, because they effect our relationship. They stress Ben and, he just does not deal with stress well at all. He freaks out and goes into hiding and doesn’t dare to contact anyone, not even me – uhm, yeah, he has all sorts of alien abduction fears and stuff, and rambles on ufo stuff all the time, and whenever any one freaks him out, he just goes super paranoid, and the whole deal with folks freaking out over our age difference sort of freaked him out worse than most other stuff does, and seeing him get all upset over it, made me even more upset than I already was over it. So all in all, that hurts my feelings and upsets me more than the witch accusations do. And, well, if they are not going to let me attend church with Ben anymore, and over such a stupid reason just because he’s 30 years older than me, than really, I’ve lost all desire to go to church at all now, because I have a hard time seeing how Jesus would think well of a church that breaks up families, the way folks there are trying to break up me and Ben. Me an Ben have been together for 22 years. We meet in church. Church was such a big thing for us. We attending every meeting – the morning meetings the evening meetings (the church stopped doing the double meetings in the mid 1980′s) and all the week day meetings. We used to come do the landscaping, and cleaning the building, and repairing the roof, and decorating for youth dances, etc. For years we spent an average of 12 to 15 hours a week in church. That was in Cape Elizabeth, before they consolidated the Cape Elizabeth and Portland Wards.

The Cape Elizabeth Ward does not exist any more, it got folded into the Portland Ward in about 1995-ish, the same time the Cornish Ward broke off of it. Most of the folks I knew ended up in the Cornish Ward. Than Saco Broke off of Portland a few years later. I don’t know any body in the Portland and Saco Wards today, it’s all new folks now. And that’s what really gets me – I mean, how do people there even know who I am? I asked Johnny that, and he said it’s because me mom is constantly talking about me. According to Johnny, my mom is “obsessed with you” he said. He added “you should hear her at Wayne’s house, she talks about you all day long”. I asked Ben, if he knew anything about that, because, I rarely ever see my mom – like months and months and months go by, between seeing her. Ben told me that she emails him almost daily, and than he forwarded her emails to me – I was stunned! Every one of them was her talking about me and how “evil” I was. She used the words “evil” and “nasty” over and over again to describe me and spent a lot of time talking about my Twighlight Manor books. I found that fact interesting, considering she has yet to read one of my TM books and half the stuff she said I had written in them was not true. Oh well.

I’ve since found out that she has been emailing copies of these same emails to several of my uncles and, some one named “Corbet”, Johnny said that that is some woman from church. Don’t know, never heard of her, so I don’t know why my mom would be saying all that stuff to her. (I found out, because when Ben forwarded the emails to me, all the email addresses my mom had sent the email too was in the box). I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

I just realized how long this got. Uhm. Yeah, I guess I’ve been writing for the last 2 hours. Whoops. Sorry about that. I guess I should go before I end up writing a whole book here. =P

Well, that’s weird. I just noticed that FB pulled up the link to my Squidoo lens. Didn’t know it did that. Well, there’s a picture of Etiole there. LOL! I spend most of my time on Squidoo and Zazzle and Zanga so I so rarely use IMs, emails, or messages, I’m not too sure how they work I’m afraid. I guess it pulled up the link, like on the status box, because I typed it a ways back. Whatever.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

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>Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harsement. :(

>

More harassment from local church members again today. The weather is at -10F right now. It snowed yesterday. And as I have done for the past 4 years, I was out shoveling the snow while wearing sandals and no socks and a summer cotton dress under a silk kimono. These are the only pair of shoes I have. I have no socks. This is one of only 2 dresses I have. I do not have any thing else to wear. Thanks to local fire bug church members who set fire to my home in October 2006, claiming that I was a witch, possessed by a demon, and casting spells to put curses on them. The fire was, they claimed, an attempt to preform an exorcism. And these are the same people who call me crazy. I’m not the one who believes in demons. I’m not the one who believes in spells and curses. I’m not the one who believes that witches are real. Yep. If I’m crazy what are you?

Anyways, I was out shoveling the snow, when a local church member drives up, gets out of his car, and starts giving me hell, screaming and yelling and carrying on, like I don’t know what. His problem? He was angry because I was almost barefoot out in the snow. He says the fact that I’m wearing summer cloths out in this weather is proof of my being a witch. He says that only witches could stand out there barefoot in the snow like that. He said and I quote: “You should be ashamed of yourself. It’s just ridiculous to dress like that in this weather.”

???

This is a man who is fully aware of the fact that the shoes I wear are the only shoes I have because they are the pair of shoes I was wearing during the fire all those years ago and thus they only pair of shoes I have, thus the reason I am forced to go sockless and wear sandals in this kind of weather. I have nothing warmer to put on my feet. I would wear something warmer if I had something warmer to wear, but fact of the matter is, I have nothing warmer to wear.

This man is also fully aware of the fact that the cloths I am wearing are likewise the only ones which survived the fire. Thus the reason I can not wear anything warmer. You think I like being outside shoveling snow in -10F weather dressed like this? I don’t. I would love to have something warmer to wear.

I don’t like having some one give me hell up one side and down the other like that. If he doesn’t like what I’m wearing, or lack of what I “should” be wearing, than why doesn’t he do something about it? If he REALLY cared he could give me a pair of boots so I didn’t have to wear sandals in the snow. Nope. He doesn’t care though, otherwise he would not be saying that I am dressed like this on purpose or that my dressing like this is proof of my being a witch.

I don’t ask for help, but people don’t have to go out of their way to make things even harder for me. It’s bad enough I have to live like this, I don’t need no good busy bodies giving me hell about things I have no way to change.

And that, for those who asked, is the reason I had this “sudden outburst” on FaceBook earlier today:

What’s on your mind?

http://static.ak.facebook.com/common/redirectiframe.html

EelKat Wendy C. Allen is seriously considering hiring a hitman to kill the Saco Ward bishop and every other jackass who thinks it is alright to call me a witch. I’m am so damn tired of those slanderous mouthed religion crazed bastards. I almost wish I was a witch like they keep saying I am so that I really could put curses on them like they keep saying I am doing.

16 minutes ago · Comment · Like

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I just can’t understand how these people can be so crazy that they actually believe there are such things as demons, witches, and curses. Nor can I understand why they persist in calling me demon possessed, witch, or how they can say every death and illness in the church is caused by me putting curses on them. What the hell is wrong with these nuts anyways?

13 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

and why me? why do they have this obsessive fixation on me? I don’t get it. I have not been to that church in 13 years. Talk about obsessed. SHEESH. Why can’t they stop stalking me?

11 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I have Autism. I see colors around people and can tell what they are feeling, if and where they are hurt or sick and can tell they are going to die within a few hours of their death. So can’t every one else with Autism. Autism does not make me a witch.

7 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Me telling you that person is going to be dead in an hour, is NOT me putting a curse on someone. It’s me telling you that their color went out and if you don’t get them to a doctor NOW they will be dead in an hour. All people with Autism see colors around people like this. That’s what Autism is. Having Autism and thus knowing some one is about to die, is not witchcraft. And any one who thinks it is, has got their head up their ass.

3 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Of course, these accusations are coming from a Mormon bishop who owns a bar room, so yeah, it’s not like he’s actually living the gospel anyways, so, who is he to judge me?

2 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I don’t think very highly of a Mormon bishop who sells beer. What sort of example is he setting for the youth? It’s these sorts of things that stopped me from going to the LDS church. Hypocrites leading the church. How far the church leadership has fallen.

2 seconds ago · 

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harsement. :(

More harassment from local church members again today. The weather is at -10F right now. It snowed yesterday. And as I have done for the past 4 years, I was out shoveling the snow while wearing sandals and no socks and a summer cotton dress under a silk kimono. These are the only pair of shoes I have. I have no socks. This is one of only 2 dresses I have. I do not have any thing else to wear. Thanks to local fire bug church members who set fire to my home in October 2006, claiming that I was a witch, possessed by a demon, and casting spells to put curses on them. The fire was, they claimed, an attempt to preform an exorcism. And these are the same people who call me crazy. I’m not the one who believes in demons. I’m not the one who believes in spells and curses. I’m not the one who believes that witches are real. Yep. If I’m crazy what are you?

Anyways, I was out shoveling the snow, when a local church member drives up, gets out of his car, and starts giving me hell, screaming and yelling and carrying on, like I don’t know what. His problem? He was angry because I was almost barefoot out in the snow. He says the fact that I’m wearing summer cloths out in this weather is proof of my being a witch. He says that only witches could stand out there barefoot in the snow like that. He said and I quote: “You should be ashamed of yourself. It’s just ridiculous to dress like that in this weather.”

???

This is a man who is fully aware of the fact that the shoes I wear are the only shoes I have because they are the pair of shoes I was wearing during the fire all those years ago and thus they only pair of shoes I have, thus the reason I am forced to go sockless and wear sandals in this kind of weather. I have nothing warmer to put on my feet. I would wear something warmer if I had something warmer to wear, but fact of the matter is, I have nothing warmer to wear.

This man is also fully aware of the fact that the cloths I am wearing are likewise the only ones which survived the fire. Thus the reason I can not wear anything warmer. You think I like being outside shoveling snow in -10F weather dressed like this? I don’t. I would love to have something warmer to wear.

I don’t like having some one give me hell up one side and down the other like that. If he doesn’t like what I’m wearing, or lack of what I “should” be wearing, than why doesn’t he do something about it? If he REALLY cared he could give me a pair of boots so I didn’t have to wear sandals in the snow. Nope. He doesn’t care though, otherwise he would not be saying that I am dressed like this on purpose or that my dressing like this is proof of my being a witch.

And that, for those who asked, is the reason I had this “sudden outburst” on FaceBook earlier today:

What’s on your mind?

EelKat Wendy C. Allen is seriously considering hiring a hitman to kill the Saco Ward bishop and every other jackass who thinks it is alright to call me a witch. I’m am so damn tired of those slanderous mouthed religion crazed bastards. I almost wish I was a witch like they keep saying I am so that I really could put curses on them like they keep saying I am doing.

16 minutes ago · Comment · Like

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I just can’t understand how these people can be so crazy that they actually believe there are such things as demons, witches, and curses. Nor can I understand why they persist in calling me demon possessed, witch, or how they can say every death and illness in the church is caused by me putting curses on them. What the hell is wrong with these nuts anyways?

13 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

and why me? why do they have this obsessive fixation on me? I don’t get it. I have not been to that church in 13 years. Talk about obsessed. SHEESH. Why can’t they stop stalking me?

11 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I have Autism. I see colors around people and can tell what they are feeling, if and where they are hurt or sick and can tell they are going to die within a few hours of their death. So can’t every one else with Autism. Autism does not make me a witch.

7 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Me telling you that person is going to be dead in an hour, is NOT me putting a curse on someone. It’s me telling you that their color went out and if you don’t get them to a doctor NOW they will be dead in an hour. All people with Autism see colors around people like this. That’s what Autism is. Having Autism and thus knowing some one is about to die, is not witchcraft. And any one who thinks it is, has got their head up their ass.

3 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Of course, these accusations are coming from a Mormon bishop who owns a bar room, so yeah, it’s not like he’s actually living the gospel anyways, so, who is he to judge me?

2 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I don’t think very highly of a Mormon bishop who sells beer. What sort of example is he setting for the youth? It’s these sorts of things that stopped me from going to the LDS church. Hypocrites leading the church. How far the church leadership has fallen.

2 seconds ago · 

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harsement. :(

More harassment from local church members again today. The weather is at -10F right now. It snowed yesterday. And as I have done for the past 4 years, I was out shoveling the snow while wearing sandals and no socks and a summer cotton dress under a silk kimono. These are the only pair of shoes I have. I have no socks. This is one of only 2 dresses I have. I do not have any thing else to wear. Thanks to local fire bug church members who set fire to my home in October 2006, claiming that I was a witch, possessed by a demon, and casting spells to put curses on them. The fire was, they claimed, an attempt to preform an exorcism. And these are the same people who call me crazy. I’m not the one who believes in demons. I’m not the one who believes in spells and curses. I’m not the one who believes that witches are real. Yep. If I’m crazy what are you?

Anyways, I was out shoveling the snow, when a local church member drives up, gets out of his car, and starts giving me hell, screaming and yelling and carrying on, like I don’t know what. His problem? He was angry because I was almost barefoot out in the snow. He says the fact that I’m wearing summer cloths out in this weather is proof of my being a witch. He says that only witches could stand out there barefoot in the snow like that. He said and I quote: “You should be ashamed of yourself. It’s just ridiculous to dress like that in this weather.”

???

This is a man who is fully aware of the fact that the shoes I wear are the only shoes I have because they are the pair of shoes I was wearing during the fire all those years ago and thus they only pair of shoes I have, thus the reason I am forced to go sockless and wear sandals in this kind of weather. I have nothing warmer to put on my feet. I would wear something warmer if I had something warmer to wear, but fact of the matter is, I have nothing warmer to wear.

This man is also fully aware of the fact that the cloths I am wearing are likewise the only ones which survived the fire. Thus the reason I can not wear anything warmer. You think I like being outside shoveling snow in -10F weather dressed like this? I don’t. I would love to have something warmer to wear.

I don’t like having some one give me hell up one side and down the other like that. If he doesn’t like what I’m wearing, or lack of what I “should” be wearing, than why doesn’t he do something about it? If he REALLY cared he could give me a pair of boots so I didn’t have to wear sandals in the snow. Nope. He doesn’t care though, otherwise he would not be saying that I am dressed like this on purpose or that my dressing like this is proof of my being a witch.

I don’t ask for help, but people don’t have to go out of their way to make things even harder for me. It’s bad enough I have to live like this, I don’t need no good busy bodies giving me hell about things I have no way to change.

And that, for those who asked, is the reason I had this “sudden outburst” on FaceBook earlier today:

What’s on your mind?

http://static.ak.facebook.com/common/redirectiframe.html

EelKat Wendy C. Allen is seriously considering hiring a hitman to kill the Saco Ward bishop and every other jackass who thinks it is alright to call me a witch. I’m am so damn tired of those slanderous mouthed religion crazed bastards. I almost wish I was a witch like they keep saying I am so that I really could put curses on them like they keep saying I am doing.

16 minutes ago · Comment · Like

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I just can’t understand how these people can be so crazy that they actually believe there are such things as demons, witches, and curses. Nor can I understand why they persist in calling me demon possessed, witch, or how they can say every death and illness in the church is caused by me putting curses on them. What the hell is wrong with these nuts anyways?

13 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

and why me? why do they have this obsessive fixation on me? I don’t get it. I have not been to that church in 13 years. Talk about obsessed. SHEESH. Why can’t they stop stalking me?

11 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I have Autism. I see colors around people and can tell what they are feeling, if and where they are hurt or sick and can tell they are going to die within a few hours of their death. So can’t every one else with Autism. Autism does not make me a witch.

7 minutes ago · 

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Me telling you that person is going to be dead in an hour, is NOT me putting a curse on someone. It’s me telling you that their color went out and if you don’t get them to a doctor NOW they will be dead in an hour. All people with Autism see colors around people like this. That’s what Autism is. Having Autism and thus knowing some one is about to die, is not witchcraft. And any one who thinks it is, has got their head up their ass.

3 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

Of course, these accusations are coming from a Mormon bishop who owns a bar room, so yeah, it’s not like he’s actually living the gospel anyways, so, who is he to judge me?

2 minutes ago · Delete

EelKat Wendy C. Allen 

I don’t think very highly of a Mormon bishop who sells beer. What sort of example is he setting for the youth? It’s these sorts of things that stopped me from going to the LDS church. Hypocrites leading the church. How far the church leadership has fallen.

2 seconds ago · 

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

PLEASE . . . . somebody, anybody. . . . PLEASE HELP ME!

They just now, just called again. Again demanding that I come into the the bishop’s office at the church tonight, again demanding that I meet with the Stake President. And again it has triggered a mass panic attack. It’s happening again. JUST LIKE BEFORE. I can’t stop shaking. My chest hurts and my lungs hurt. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. It’s like before. Only, I’m shaking a lot worse, it’s so bad my glasses keep falling off. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t breath.

It’s like before, like a panic attack, only really, really, really bad. Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is skaking all over I don’t know what to do.

Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake.

You can read more about this 31 year on going harassment at the following links:

Excommunication for publishing my 2008 NaNoWriMo Book – Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELP! Any doctors out there? Medical advice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Health UPDATE – Stroke caused by panic attack triggered by LDS Church excommunication threats :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still Planning on Doing NaNoWriMo this year in spite of recent health issues

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven Days Til NaNoWriMo and Stroke Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

For Those interested- here is the Final (edited and spell checked) Draft of For Fear of Little Men, my 2008 NaNoWriMo book

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Aliens vs Your Demons – Yep – If I’m Crazy, What Are You???????

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Poison Pen Letters Return – AGAIN

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excommunication – 2008 NaNoWriMo book banned – Update – My Inbox if overloading – a mass reply going here

~~~~~~~~~~~~

REPOST: For Fear of Little Men: First Draft of my autobiography book to be published in 2010+/-

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note – I have not been to the LDS/Mormon church in 13 years, and yet, they continue to harass me on an almost daily basis.

In 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil, like so many bishop kept telling me! I wasn’t demon possessed, like so many bishop kept telling me . What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Please put an end to this before they cause my death. I don’t think I can live through another stroke. PLEASE HELP ME!. Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake. Please. call him. PLEASE! Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is shaking all over I don’t know what to do. Please some one help me.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Categories: About me · Biddeford · LDS · Life · Lifestyle · Maine · Maineland · Mormons · Mourning · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Persecution · Saints · The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints · Town of Old Orchard · Wendy C. Allen · York county · advice · authors helpers · book cencorship · boycotts · harasement · harasment · harassment · help · homeless · homelessness · human rights · laws · legal issues · legal issuses · life blogging · life on the streets · logic · make America the land of the free again · mean people · medical · medical advice · my thoughts on… · news · oob · pain · people · politics · poverty · random thoughts · real life · religion · religious leaders · religon · sleep · stolen items · stress · stroke · tent · terrorists · thieves · threats · world peace · writer · writer’s rights · writer’s voice · writing · writing lessons

Tagged: authors, Biddeford, book cencorship, church corruption, church leaders, evil, Family, For Fear of Little Men, harassment, Life, life blogging, Maine, my thoughts on…, Old Orchard Beach, religion, religious leaders, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Wendy C. Allen, Writing Life, York county

PLEASE . . . . somebody, anybody. . . . PLEASE HELP ME!

They just now, just called again. Again demanding that I come into the the bishop’s office at the church tonight, again demanding that I meet with the Stake President. And again it has triggered a mass panic attack. It’s happening again. JUST LIKE BEFORE. I can’t stop shaking. My chest hurts and my lungs hurt. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. It’s like before. Only, I’m shaking a lot worse, it’s so bad my glasses keep falling off. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t breath.

It’s like before, like a panic attack, only really, really, really bad. Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is skaking all over I don’t know what to do.

Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake.

You can read more about this 31 year on going harassment at the following links:

Excommunication for publishing my 2008 NaNoWriMo Book – Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELP! Any doctors out there? Medical advice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Health UPDATE – Stroke caused by panic attack triggered by LDS Church excommunication threats :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still Planning on Doing NaNoWriMo this year in spite of recent health issues

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven Days Til NaNoWriMo and Stroke Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Aliens vs Your Demons – Yep – If I’m Crazy, What Are You???????

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Poison Pen Letters Return – AGAIN

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excommunication – 2008 NaNoWriMo book banned – Update – My Inbox if overloading – a mass reply going here

~~~~~~~~~~~~

REPOST: For Fear of Little Men: First Draft of my autobiography book to be published in 2010+/-

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note – I have not been to the LDS/Mormon church in 13 years, and yet, they continue to harass me on an almost daily basis.

In 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil, like so many bishop kept telling me! I wasn’t demon possessed, like so many bishop kept telling me . What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch. 
I’m tired of being told I’m evil. 
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon. 
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell. 
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female. 
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men. 
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD. 
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me. 
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered. 
I’m tired of being harassed by these people. 
I’m tired of it. 
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Please put an end to this before they cause my death. I don’t think I can live through another stroke. PLEASE HELP ME!. Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake. Please. call him. PLEASE! Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is shaking all over I don’t know what to do. Please some one help me.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Categories: About me · Biddeford · LDS · Life · Lifestyle · Maine · Maineland · Mormons · Mourning · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Persecution · Saints · The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints · Town of Old Orchard · Wendy C. Allen · York county · advice · authors helpers · book cencorship · boycotts · harasement · harasment · harassment · help · homeless · homelessness · human rights · laws · legal issues · legal issuses · life blogging · life on the streets · logic · make America the land of the free again · mean people · medical · medical advice · my thoughts on… · news · oob · pain · people · politics · poverty · random thoughts · real life · religion · religious leaders · religon · sleep · stolen items · stress · stroke · tent · terrorists · thieves · threats · world peace · writer · writer’s rights · writer’s voice · writing · writing lessons

Tagged: authors, Biddeford, book cencorship, church corruption, church leaders, evil, Family, For Fear of Little Men, harassment, Life, life blogging, Maine, my thoughts on…, Old Orchard Beach, religion, religious leaders, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Wendy C. Allen, Writing Life, York county

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

>PLEASE . . . . somebody, anybody. . . . PLEASE HELP ME!

>

They just now, just called again. Again demanding that I come into the the bishop’s office at the church tonight, again demanding that I meet with the Stake President. And again it has triggered a mass panic attack. It’s happening again. JUST LIKE BEFORE. I can’t stop shaking. My chest hurts and my lungs hurt. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. It’s like before. Only, I’m shaking a lot worse, it’s so bad my glasses keep falling off. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t breath.

It’s like before, like a panic attack, only really, really, really bad. Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is skaking all over I don’t know what to do.

Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake.

You can read more about this 31 year on going harassment at the following links:

Excommunication for publishing my 2008 NaNoWriMo Book – Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELP! Any doctors out there? Medical advice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Health UPDATE – Stroke caused by panic attack triggered by LDS Church excommunication threats :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still Planning on Doing NaNoWriMo this year in spite of recent health issues

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven Days Til NaNoWriMo and Stroke Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

For Those interested- here is the Final (edited and spell checked) Draft of For Fear of Little Men, my 2008 NaNoWriMo book

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Aliens vs Your Demons – Yep – If I’m Crazy, What Are You???????

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Poison Pen Letters Return – AGAIN

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excommunication – 2008 NaNoWriMo book banned – Update – My Inbox if overloading – a mass reply going here

~~~~~~~~~~~~

REPOST: For Fear of Little Men: First Draft of my autobiography book to be published in 2010+/-

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note – I have not been to the LDS/Mormon church in 13 years, and yet, they continue to harass me on an almost daily basis.

In 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil, like so many bishop kept telling me! I wasn’t demon possessed, like so many bishop kept telling me . What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Please put an end to this before they cause my death. I don’t think I can live through another stroke. PLEASE HELP ME!. Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake. Please. call him. PLEASE! Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is shaking all over I don’t know what to do. Please some one help me.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Categories: About me · Biddeford · LDS · Life · Lifestyle · Maine · Maineland · Mormons · Mourning · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Persecution · Saints · The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints · Town of Old Orchard · Wendy C. Allen · York county · advice · authors helpers · book cencorship · boycotts · harasement · harasment · harassment · help · homeless · homelessness · human rights · laws · legal issues · legal issuses · life blogging · life on the streets · logic · make America the land of the free again · mean people · medical · medical advice · my thoughts on… · news · oob · pain · people · politics · poverty · random thoughts · real life · religion · religious leaders · religon · sleep · stolen items · stress · stroke · tent · terrorists · thieves · threats · world peace · writer · writer’s rights · writer’s voice · writing · writing lessons

Tagged: authors, Biddeford, book cencorship, church corruption, church leaders, evil, Family, For Fear of Little Men, harassment, Life, life blogging, Maine, my thoughts on…, Old Orchard Beach, religion, religious leaders, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Wendy C. Allen, Writing Life, York county

PLEASE . . . . somebody, anybody. . . . PLEASE HELP ME!

They just now, just called again. Again demanding that I come into the the bishop’s office at the church tonight, again demanding that I meet with the Stake President. And again it has triggered a mass panic attack. It’s happening again. JUST LIKE BEFORE. I can’t stop shaking. My chest hurts and my lungs hurt. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. It’s like before. Only, I’m shaking a lot worse, it’s so bad my glasses keep falling off. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t breath.

It’s like before, like a panic attack, only really, really, really bad. Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is skaking all over I don’t know what to do.

Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake.

You can read more about this 31 year on going harassment at the following links:

Excommunication for publishing my 2008 NaNoWriMo Book – Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

HELP! Any doctors out there? Medical advice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Health UPDATE – Stroke caused by panic attack triggered by LDS Church excommunication threats :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still Planning on Doing NaNoWriMo this year in spite of recent health issues

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven Days Til NaNoWriMo and Stroke Update

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Aliens vs Your Demons – Yep – If I’m Crazy, What Are You???????

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Poison Pen Letters Return – AGAIN

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excommunication – 2008 NaNoWriMo book banned – Update – My Inbox if overloading – a mass reply going here

~~~~~~~~~~~~

REPOST: For Fear of Little Men: First Draft of my autobiography book to be published in 2010+/-

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note – I have not been to the LDS/Mormon church in 13 years, and yet, they continue to harass me on an almost daily basis.

In 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil, like so many bishop kept telling me! I wasn’t demon possessed, like so many bishop kept telling me . What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch. 
I’m tired of being told I’m evil. 
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon. 
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell. 
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female. 
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men. 
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD. 
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me. 
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered. 
I’m tired of being harassed by these people. 
I’m tired of it. 
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Please put an end to this before they cause my death. I don’t think I can live through another stroke. PLEASE HELP ME!. Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake. Please. call him. PLEASE! Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is shaking all over I don’t know what to do. Please some one help me.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

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Categories: About me · Biddeford · LDS · Life · Lifestyle · Maine · Maineland · Mormons · Mourning · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Persecution · Saints · The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints · Town of Old Orchard · Wendy C. Allen · York county · advice · authors helpers · book cencorship · boycotts · harasement · harasment · harassment · help · homeless · homelessness · human rights · laws · legal issues · legal issuses · life blogging · life on the streets · logic · make America the land of the free again · mean people · medical · medical advice · my thoughts on… · news · oob · pain · people · politics · poverty · random thoughts · real life · religion · religious leaders · religon · sleep · stolen items · stress · stroke · tent · terrorists · thieves · threats · world peace · writer · writer’s rights · writer’s voice · writing · writing lessons

Tagged: authors, Biddeford, book cencorship, church corruption, church leaders, evil, Family, For Fear of Little Men, harassment, Life, life blogging, Maine, my thoughts on…, Old Orchard Beach, religion, religious leaders, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Wendy C. Allen, Writing Life, York county

This Post copyright Wendy C. Allen 2007. EelKat

NaNoWriMo RE: Awkward “Can I read your novel?” requests

BookeaterOdessa

Awkward “Can I read your novel?” requests

50,249 / 50,000 Official Participant Joined: Oct 27, 2009 Posts: 48 Posted on: Dec 9, 2009 – 21 20

-A friend that has an unstable character based off of her. -My father - A friend of the family I have no idea why these people are suddenly so interested in my writing. My father reading my writing weirds me out so much for some reason. Maybe because my MC’s father is conspicuous by his absence? Maybe because there’s a whole chapter about female undergarments, things my old school father would never take me shopping for, not even as a child? Also, since I’m writing some pretty messed up Lit.Fic., I don’t want everyone to think I’m mentally unstable. Similar worries/conflicts? ———- “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” Oscar Wilde http://thebookeaterblog.blogspot.com Subscribe

I’ve never let any one read my *smut* novels, EVER. I come from a super religious family/community and so all my friends, family, relatives are all super Christian and go into spasms if you even mention the word *sex* and not a one of any of them ever told any of their kids anything about *that dirty thing* (they can’t say the word sex for some reason). Than you got me, who writes graphic sex scenes. o_O

When I was 14 years old, my bishop got a hold of one of my earlier (and much milder) smut manuscripts, and called the state mental institute (insane asylum) to have me committed. Apparently his hysterics over the phone had them thinking I was some sort of deranged criminal and the next Sunday I arrived at church to be greeted by *men in white coats*.

I had no idea what the hell was going on, who these guys were, or why they were talking about having me locked up. An hour later though, they left the church shaking their heads and commenting that they were seriously questioning the bishops sanity. The doctor that was with them, after talking to both me and the bishop, came to the conclusion that I was just a normal kid and that our bishop needed some serious help to deal with his paranoia. (Years later, I found out I was not the only person the bishop had done something like this with, and that 2 years after that incident the church took away his title of bishop, due to question of his sanity. Uhm, I guess he ended up being sent to a psychiatrist to find out what was making him act like that, because later, we found out that he had extreme paranoid schizophrenia.) Talk about over reacting! OMG!

Of course, that was a long time ago (I’m not exactly young any more.) And back than all it took was a snap of the fingers and a phone call to the local insane asylum to lock a person up. Today. Well, today you’d be hard pressed to find a town that even had a local asylum now! LOL!

Than years later, in 2008, my mom got a hold of my NaNovel and sent a copy of it to the current bishop. Now I’m going through a de ja vue all over again. This bishop is threatening to have me excommunicated because I actually had my 2008 NaNovel published. *sheesh* I haven’t heard anything about it since the book got published though, so it seems that those above him in the church are not so keen on my excommunication as the bishop is. Okay, when I was a teenager it was one thing, but come on people, I’m older than half the current church leaders are now! And it’s been 13 years since I last went to that church. I didn’t even know who the bishop was when he called me! LOL! I think we got another paranoid bishop on our hands here.

I find the whole thing hilarious, the fact that these people are so very extremely old school that they make the Amish look futuristic. OMG! And it’s not like our church teaches them to act like that either, because it doesn’t. It’s just something that a lot of locals for whatever reason picked up on an obsess over. (This fear of sex and anything to do with sex and books that mention sex.) Can any one say religious nuts? How do people get like this?

In recent years, (well, I stopped going to that church 13 years ago, if you can call that recent years), I’ve started spending less time with them and more time with people not connected with our church, and I found out something – most of the non-member locals think of the church I grew up in as being a freaky cult. And, I got to say I’m starting to agree with that theory.

But yeah, once bitten twice shy, and since that incident in my teens, I’ve never let any one read my “smut” stories since.

Now, my regular stuff – the ones with no sex in them – I let people read those with no problem. I wonder, if my bishop had not had that freak out fit back when I was a teenager, if I would still avoid letting people read the smutty stuff or not? I mean, I was only 14, and it was my first time writing anything like that, and well, you got to admit, my bishop did go WAY overboard in his over reacting. (To this day, I never did figure out how he got a hold of my manuscript. That remains a mystery.) So, yeah, I guess it really did effect me pretty bad, because it was that incident that caused me to develop my later phobias of doctors and eventually resulted in my becoming Agoraphobic as an adult. A problem which I am now trying to overcome.

So, yeah, people who are strict are going to think you mentally unstable for writing something that does not fit in with their personal moral codes. However, know that even if you do run up against a super fanatic (like my former bishop) the mental health practitioners are going to think the one who complained about your book is nuts, not you. And you want to know why? Because as an author, you know that what you are writing is fiction, not real. But the person freaking out, is freaking out, because they are not able to separate the real whole from the fictional one. Doctors know that the one freaking out over the book, and not the one who wrote the book, is mentally unstable. So, you’ve nothing to worry about, because if any one does complain, they’ll be the ones that get locked up as crazy – not you. I’m sorry to say, I know this from personal experience.

But, no, you are not alone. Freaky family members and friends and relatives and friends of theirs are every where and yep, every once in a while you’ll find one that blows their top and does a major freakazoid over what you wrote. Just remember that being a control freak is a form of communism and communism is illegal in the USA. They have no legal right to stop you from writing whatever you what.

Remember: freedom of speech and freedom of press, and no one has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE – not even your parents, not even if you are a minor. You can write whatever you want and no one can legally stop you and no one can use a work of fiction against you as proof of mental instability either.

If they start getting on your case about it – “just let them rave on that men may know them mad.” (Yul Brynner) Any one who freaks out enough to freak out in front of others is only going to prove themselves less sane than you. LOL!

Think of it like this:

YOU: But its just a book. THEM: But YOU wrote it! YOU: So? THEM: So YOU wrote that, that. . .THAT! YOU: Yeah. So? THIRD PERSON: What’s his problem? YOU: I wrote a book. He doesn’t like it. THIRD PERSON: So? YOU: He says I’m crazy and should be locked up for writing it. THIRD PERSON: He’s reacting like THAT and he thinks YOUR crazy? It’s just a dumb book. Man, that dude is nuts! YOU: Yeah, I know. Freaky isn’t it? Like, he thinks it’s real or something.

See? You the author is going to be the one sounding sane. And the relative freaking out over your book is going to come off sounding like a raving lunatic.

Ignore them. Laugh at them. Write another book and give them yet another thing to freak out about. Publish both books. Make a ton of money. Become famous. Than when they show up at your book signing you can say: “See? I told you I wasn’t crazy.”

Incubus: Fear the Night!

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

>NaNoWriMo RE: Awkward "Can I read your novel?" requests

>

BookeaterOdessa

Awkward “Can I read your novel?” requests

50,249 / 50,000 Official Participant Joined: Oct 27, 2009 Posts: 48 Posted on: Dec 9, 2009 – 21 20

-A friend that has an unstable character based off of her. -My father - A friend of the family I have no idea why these people are suddenly so interested in my writing. My father reading my writing weirds me out so much for some reason. Maybe because my MC’s father is conspicuous by his absence? Maybe because there’s a whole chapter about female undergarments, things my old school father would never take me shopping for, not even as a child? Also, since I’m writing some pretty messed up Lit.Fic., I don’t want everyone to think I’m mentally unstable. Similar worries/conflicts? ———- “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” Oscar Wilde http://thebookeaterblog.blogspot.com Subscribe

I’ve never let any one read my *smut* novels, EVER. I come from a super religious family/community and so all my friends, family, relatives are all super Christian and go into spasms if you even mention the word *sex* and not a one of any of them ever told any of their kids anything about *that dirty thing* (they can’t say the word sex for some reason). Than you got me, who writes graphic sex scenes. o_O

When I was 14 years old, my bishop got a hold of one of my earlier (and much milder) smut manuscripts, and called the state mental institute (insane asylum) to have me committed. Apparently his hysterics over the phone had them thinking I was some sort of deranged criminal and the next Sunday I arrived at church to be greeted by *men in white coats*.

I had no idea what the hell was going on, who these guys were, or why they were talking about having me locked up. An hour later though, they left the church shaking their heads and commenting that they were seriously questioning the bishops sanity. The doctor that was with them, after talking to both me and the bishop, came to the conclusion that I was just a normal kid and that our bishop needed some serious help to deal with his paranoia. (Years later, I found out I was not the only person the bishop had done something like this with, and that 2 years after that incident the church took away his title of bishop, due to question of his sanity. Uhm, I guess he ended up being sent to a psychiatrist to find out what was making him act like that, because later, we found out that he had extreme paranoid schizophrenia.) Talk about over reacting! OMG!

Of course, that was a long time ago (I’m not exactly young any more.) And back than all it took was a snap of the fingers and a phone call to the local insane asylum to lock a person up. Today. Well, today you’d be hard pressed to find a town that even had a local asylum now! LOL!

Than years later, in 2008, my mom got a hold of my NaNovel and sent a copy of it to the current bishop. Now I’m going through a de ja vue all over again. This bishop is threatening to have me excommunicated because I actually had my 2008 NaNovel published. *sheesh* I haven’t heard anything about it since the book got published though, so it seems that those above him in the church are not so keen on my excommunication as the bishop is. Okay, when I was a teenager it was one thing, but come on people, I’m older than half the current church leaders are now! And it’s been 13 years since I last went to that church. I didn’t even know who the bishop was when he called me! LOL! I think we got another paranoid bishop on our hands here.

I find the whole thing hilarious, the fact that these people are so very extremely old school that they make the Amish look futuristic. OMG! And it’s not like our church teaches them to act like that either, because it doesn’t. It’s just something that a lot of locals for whatever reason picked up on an obsess over. (This fear of sex and anything to do with sex and books that mention sex.) Can any one say religious nuts? How do people get like this?

In recent years, (well, I stopped going to that church 13 years ago, if you can call that recent years), I’ve started spending less time with them and more time with people not connected with our church, and I found out something – most of the non-member locals think of the church I grew up in as being a freaky cult. And, I got to say I’m starting to agree with that theory.

But yeah, once bitten twice shy, and since that incident in my teens, I’ve never let any one read my “smut” stories since.

Now, my regular stuff – the ones with no sex in them – I let people read those with no problem. I wonder, if my bishop had not had that freak out fit back when I was a teenager, if I would still avoid letting people read the smutty stuff or not? I mean, I was only 14, and it was my first time writing anything like that, and well, you got to admit, my bishop did go WAY overboard in his over reacting. (To this day, I never did figure out how he got a hold of my manuscript. That remains a mystery.) So, yeah, I guess it really did effect me pretty bad, because it was that incident that caused me to develop my later phobias of doctors and eventually resulted in my becoming Agoraphobic as an adult. A problem which I am now trying to overcome.

So, yeah, people who are strict are going to think you mentally unstable for writing something that does not fit in with their personal moral codes. However, know that even if you do run up against a super fanatic (like my former bishop) the mental health practitioners are going to think the one who complained about your book is nuts, not you. And you want to know why? Because as an author, you know that what you are writing is fiction, not real. But the person freaking out, is freaking out, because they are not able to separate the real whole from the fictional one. Doctors know that the one freaking out over the book, and not the one who wrote the book, is mentally unstable. So, you’ve nothing to worry about, because if any one does complain, they’ll be the ones that get locked up as crazy – not you. I’m sorry to say, I know this from personal experience.

But, no, you are not alone. Freaky family members and friends and relatives and friends of theirs are every where and yep, every once in a while you’ll find one that blows their top and does a major freakazoid over what you wrote. Just remember that being a control freak is a form of communism and communism is illegal in the USA. They have no legal right to stop you from writing whatever you what.

Remember: freedom of speech and freedom of press, and no one has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE – not even your parents, not even if you are a minor. You can write whatever you want and no one can legally stop you and no one can use a work of fiction against you as proof of mental instability either.

If they start getting on your case about it – “just let them rave on that men may know them mad.” (Yul Brynner) Any one who freaks out enough to freak out in front of others is only going to prove themselves less sane than you. LOL!

Think of it like this:

YOU: But its just a book. THEM: But YOU wrote it! YOU: So? THEM: So YOU wrote that, that. . .THAT! YOU: Yeah. So? THIRD PERSON: What’s his problem? YOU: I wrote a book. He doesn’t like it. THIRD PERSON: So? YOU: He says I’m crazy and should be locked up for writing it. THIRD PERSON: He’s reacting like THAT and he thinks YOUR crazy? It’s just a dumb book. Man, that dude is nuts! YOU: Yeah, I know. Freaky isn’t it? Like, he thinks it’s real or something.

See? You the author is going to be the one sounding sane. And the relative freaking out over your book is going to come off sounding like a raving lunatic.

Ignore them. Laugh at them. Write another book and give them yet another thing to freak out about. Publish both books. Make a ton of money. Become famous. Than when they show up at your book signing you can say: “See? I told you I wasn’t crazy.”

Incubus: Fear the Night!

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

Autism = Changeling????

In light of recent events I have come to question many things. Religion one of them, as noted in the link, but it’s more than that. If you have read this, than you will also know that I have NEVER been treated like a Human. In fact, since I was 4 years old, adults have told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit that should be hidden from the world and at 8 years old I was locked away by adults to live the rest of my past 26 years in absolute isolation and solitude with nothing but animals for compainionship. I have not been allowed to leave the house except to go to church. I have not been allowed to have Human friends.

At church, members and leaders shared my family’s sentiments. With each new Sunday, I was told by more and more Humans that I did not deserve to be among them because I was too differant, because I was not like them, because I was not one of them. They told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit. I was never allowed to sit among the members, forced instead to sit alone in a chair against the back wall during my youth, and alone in a chair in the hall later on. The other children were not allowed by their parents to speak to me, because as they said, I needed to be punished, to be taught a lesson, to learn that I was not one of them, because as they said I was evil – the child of Satan.

I have never understood their words or their actions, but I quickly learned not to voice my confussion as that would only result in exocism attempts. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had oil dumped on my head and the hands of many church leaders on my head as the prayed loudly to cast out my demons? I couldn’t even begin to count.

It’s been 34 years now. Four years ago I was told I had Autism, thus explaining why I did not act the same as every one else. Family and church members however say that the doctor lied and that Autism is just an excuse, Satan’s way of decieving folks into allowing a demon possessed person to continue on in their duties as a witch. I continue to question their accusations. I remain as always, puzzled by their words. I am confussed by the things they say to me and about me. I have come to question now, if what they say is true: am I not Human? And if I am not Human, what than am I? How did I get here? How would I find out? Does anyone know?

I was trying to find out more information when I found out about Indigo and Crystal and Rainbow Children. I’m not too sure exactly what they are, but from what little I’ve read so far, I’m wondering if I am in the category too? How would I go about finding out? Is there any sort of “official” way of testing or is just more hit and miss guess work or something in between the two?

I’m trying to make sense of this whole Asperger Syndrome thing, but it’s hard because I get no support from family or church and I don’t know any one else. I am basically left alone in my room all day, but at least I have my computer and can thus try to find someone online. Surrprisingly people online are nothing like the people I’ve known in person and so I feel more confidant about being able to ask you people for advice, in hopes that I can get some real answers (I do not consider the “demon possession” and “witch” accusations to be real answers!) I try very hard to make sense of these things but it’s difficult because I’ve no one to ask advice from.

I am very confused and upset right now, seeing how the bishop has decided to excommunicate me from the church on grounds of witchcraft. I’ve never had any place to go other than to church and in 2 weeks I will not be allowed back there because they say I am a witch. I am very sad and lonely right now. I wish I knew what to do or how to handle this situation, but I don’t and I’ve no one to talk to about it either.

Autism does not = witchcraft. I know that, why don’t they? Why do they treat me like this? I don’t understand.

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

>Autism = Changeling????

>

In light of recent events I have come to question many things. Religion one of them, as noted in the link, but it’s more than that. If you have read this, than you will also know that I have NEVER been treated like a Human. In fact, since I was 4 years old, adults have told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit that should be hidden from the world and at 8 years old I was locked away by adults to live the rest of my past 26 years in absolute isolation and solitude with nothing but animals for compainionship. I have not been allowed to leave the house except to go to church. I have not been allowed to have Human friends.

At church, members and leaders shared my family’s sentiments. With each new Sunday, I was told by more and more Humans that I did not deserve to be among them because I was too differant, because I was not like them, because I was not one of them. They told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit. I was never allowed to sit among the members, forced instead to sit alone in a chair against the back wall during my youth, and alone in a chair in the hall later on. The other children were not allowed by their parents to speak to me, because as they said, I needed to be punished, to be taught a lesson, to learn that I was not one of them, because as they said I was evil – the child of Satan.

I have never understood their words or their actions, but I quickly learned not to voice my confussion as that would only result in exocism attempts. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had oil dumped on my head and the hands of many church leaders on my head as the prayed loudly to cast out my demons? I couldn’t even begin to count.

It’s been 34 years now. Four years ago I was told I had Autism, thus explaining why I did not act the same as every one else. Family and church members however say that the doctor lied and that Autism is just an excuse, Satan’s way of decieving folks into allowing a demon possessed person to continue on in their duties as a witch. I continue to question their accusations. I remain as always, puzzled by their words. I am confussed by the things they say to me and about me. I have come to question now, if what they say is true: am I not Human? And if I am not Human, what than am I? How did I get here? How would I find out? Does anyone know?

I was trying to find out more information when I found out about Indigo and Crystal and Rainbow Children. I’m not too sure exactly what they are, but from what little I’ve read so far, I’m wondering if I am in the category too? How would I go about finding out? Is there any sort of “official” way of testing or is just more hit and miss guess work or something in between the two?

I’m trying to make sense of this whole Asperger Syndrome thing, but it’s hard because I get no support from family or church and I don’t know any one else. I am basically left alone in my room all day, but at least I have my computer and can thus try to find someone online. Surrprisingly people online are nothing like the people I’ve known in person and so I feel more confidant about being able to ask you people for advice, in hopes that I can get some real answers (I do not consider the “demon possession” and “witch” accusations to be real answers!) I try very hard to make sense of these things but it’s difficult because I’ve no one to ask advice from.

I am very confused and upset right now, seeing how the bishop has decided to excommunicate me from the church on grounds of witchcraft. I’ve never had any place to go other than to church and in 2 weeks I will not be allowed back there because they say I am a witch. I am very sad and lonely right now. I wish I knew what to do or how to handle this situation, but I don’t and I’ve no one to talk to about it either.

Autism does not = witchcraft. I know that, why don’t they? Why do they treat me like this? I don’t understand.

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

Changeling?

In light of recent events I have come to question many things. Religion one of them, as noted in the link, but it’s more than that. If you have read this, than you will also know that I have NEVER been treated like a Human. In fact, since I was 4 years old, adults have told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit that should be hidden from the world and at 8 years old I was locked away by adults to live the rest of my past 26 years in absolute isolation and solitude with nothing but animals for compainionship. I have not been allowed to leave the house except to go to church. I have not been allowed to have Human friends.

At church, members and leaders shared my family’s sentiments. With each new Sunday, I was told by more and more Humans that I did not deserve to be among them because I was too differant, because I was not like them, because I was not one of them. They told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit. I was never allowed to sit among the members, forced instead to sit alone in a chair against the back wall during my youth, and alone in a chair in the hall later on. The other children were not allowed by their parents to speak to me, because as they said, I needed to be punished, to be taught a lesson, to learn that I was not one of them, because as they said I was evil – the child of Satan.

I have never understood their words or their actions, but I quickly learned not to voice my confussion as that would only result in exocism attempts. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had oil dumped on my head and the hands of many church leaders on my head as the prayed loudly to cast out my demons? I couldn’t even begin to count.

It’s been 34 years now. I continue to question their accusation. I remain as always, puzzled by their words. I am confussed by the things they say to me and about me. I have come to question now, if what they say is true: am I not Human? And if I am not Human, what than am I? How did I get here? How would I find out? Does anyone know?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

Changeling?

In light of recent events I have come to question many things. Religion one of them, as noted in the link, but it’s more than that. If you have read this, than you will also know that I have NEVER been treated like a Human. In fact, since I was 4 years old, adults have told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit that should be hidden from the world and at 8 years old I was locked away by adults to live the rest of my past 26 years in absolute isolation and solitude with nothing but animals for compainionship. I have not been allowed to leave the house except to go to church. I have not been allowed to have Human friends.

At church, members and leaders shared my family’s sentiments. With each new Sunday, I was told by more and more Humans that I did not deserve to be among them because I was too differant, because I was not like them, because I was not one of them. They told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit. I was never allowed to sit among the members, forced instead to sit alone in a chair against the back wall during my youth, and alone in a chair in the hall later on. The other children were not allowed by their parents to speak to me, because as they said, I needed to be punished, to be taught a lesson, to learn that I was not one of them, because as they said I was evil – the child of Satan.

I have never understood their words or their actions, but I quickly learned not to voice my confussion as that would only result in exocism attempts. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had oil dumped on my head and the hands of many church leaders on my head as the prayed loudly to cast out my demons? I couldn’t even begin to count.

It’s been 34 years now. I continue to question their accusation. I remain as always, puzzled by their words. I am confussed by the things they say to me and about me. I have come to question now, if what they say is true: am I not Human? And if I am not Human, what than am I? How did I get here? How would I find out? Does anyone know?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

Changeling?

In light of recent events I have come to question many things. Religion one of them, as noted in the link, but it’s more than that. If you have read this, than you will also know that I have NEVER been treated like a Human. In fact, since I was 4 years old, adults have told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit that should be hidden from the world and at 8 years old I was locked away by adults to live the rest of my past 26 years in absolute isolation and solitude with nothing but animals for compainionship. I have not been allowed to leave the house except to go to church. I have not been allowed to have Human friends.

At church, members and leaders shared my family’s sentiments. With each new Sunday, I was told by more and more Humans that I did not deserve to be among them because I was too differant, because I was not like them, because I was not one of them. They told me I was eveything other than Human. They told me I was a witch. They told me I was a demon or was possessed by a demon. They told me I was or had a poltergeist. They told me I had an evil spirit. I was never allowed to sit among the members, forced instead to sit alone in a chair against the back wall during my youth, and alone in a chair in the hall later on. The other children were not allowed by their parents to speak to me, because as they said, I needed to be punished, to be taught a lesson, to learn that I was not one of them, because as they said I was evil – the child of Satan.

I have never understood their words or their actions, but I quickly learned not to voice my confussion as that would only result in exocism attempts. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had oil dumped on my head and the hands of many church leaders on my head as the prayed loudly to cast out my demons? I couldn’t even begin to count.

It’s been 34 years now. Four years ago I was told I had Autism, thus explaining why I did not act the same as every one else. Family and church members however say that the doctor lied and that Autism is just an excuse, Satan’s way of decieving folks into allowing a demon possessed person to continue on in their duties as a witch. I continue to question their accusations. I remain as always, puzzled by their words. I am confussed by the things they say to me and about me. I have come to question now, if what they say is true: am I not Human? And if I am not Human, what than am I? How did I get here? How would I find out? Does anyone know?

I was trying to find out more information when I found out about Indigo and Crystal and Rainbow Children. I’m not too sure exactly what they are, but from what little I’ve read so far, I’m wondering if I am in the category too? How would I go about finding out? Is there any sort of “official” way of testing or is just more hit and miss guess work or something in between the two?

I’m trying to make sense of this whole Asperger Syndrome thing, but it’s hard because I get no support from family or church and I don’t know any one else. I am basically left alone in my room all day, but at least I have my computer and can thus try to find someone online. Surrprisingly people online are nothing like the people I’ve known in person and so I feel more confidant about being able to ask you people for advice, in hopes that I can get some real answers (I do not consider the “demon possession” and “witch” accusations to be real answers!) I try very hard to make sense of these things but it’s difficult because I’ve no one to ask advice from.

I am very confused and upset right now, seeing how the bishop has decided to excommunicate me from the church on grounds of witchcraft. (see the first link above) I’ve never had any place to go other than to church and in 2 weeks I will not be allowed back there because they say I am a witch. I am very sad and lonely right now. I wish I knew what to do or how to handle this situation, but I don’t and I’ve no one to talk to about it either.

Autism does not = witchcraft. I know that, why don’t they? Why do they treat me like this? I don’t understand.

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

What do you call it when starting a church is not starting a church?

I need to find a different name to call this thing I’m doing. I know I keep calling it “looking to start a church” because legally that’s what the government would call it, but that’s not a correct description. My goal is not a church or a religion per say, but rather more of a monastery, spiritual retreat, a Waldorf community, or a hermitage, though none of those words is accurate either. I can’t find the right word.

You see, my plan is not so much a church, but rather a place of safety from religious tyranny. A place where women who have pets can go to escape from evil men who use religion to abuse them. But at the same time, sort of a don-denominational chapel, so that the women can continue to worship their god while they are here.

I want to run the place like a monastery, a sort of farm on a mountain, something like the New Skete monks or Sky Farm Hermitage.

A place of quiet reflection, of peace, of living apart from civilization (cities) and living in the wild at peace with the world rather than destroying it. A place where I can live as I do already, but where others can come to live the same way, and where none of us has to live in fear of reliving the hell I went through at the hands of hate filled religious crazed vandals. Not freedom of religion, but freedom FROM religion with the freedom to live off the land, without resorting to killing its creatures.

That’s what I want: not preaching and dogmas, but peace and oneness. Not hate but love. Freedom to live without being told I’m going to hell. Freedom to live without scripture being quoted at the expense of actual conversation. I don’t know how to talk because no one has ever talked with me. EVER. Church was always more important. Church was more important than family. Church was more important than love. I want freedom from that.

I suppose this whole I idea started to root in my mid teens when I first started questioning the fact that church leaders kept saying I was demon possessed. I guess I just didn’t realize it back than. I was about 12 years old when I started drawing up plans for this farm in the forest, and when people asked what it was I’d say “That’s where I’m going to live someday.” Odd. It was just me doodleing on paper back than.

Than in 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil! I wasn’t demon possessed. What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch. (in a bad way)
I’m tired of being told I’m evil. 
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon. 
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell. 
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female. 
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men. 
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD. 
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me. 
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered. 
I’m tired of being harassed by these people. 
I’m tired of it. 
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Seeing on paper, the things these people, my so-call friends, were doing, and seeing that every time they did something to hurt me they did it saying they did it out of love and because god had told them to do it, because god said I was evil and must be punished, seeing all that on paper, suddenly it hit me . . . I’m not evil, they are!

In 2007 I tried to get help from the government, but found out some things I never knew before: namely that because these people where doing what they were doing because it was what their church was teaching, and because they were church leaders themselves, meant that you can’t legal do anything against them, and you can’t stop them from doing these things because, the “state” doesn’t get involved in “these matters”. There are laws (at least in Maine) preventing the government (police, courts, judges, etc) from taking any legal action against criminals if said criminal is ordainended to hold church authority! Because the people who burned down my home where church leaders, I could do nothing to defend myself from them, because they where granted religious immunity by the State of Maine, and no one, not even the law itself, could touch them! I was stunned that such an idiotic set of laws existed. I thought this was America land of the free where cruel and unusual punishment was illegal, but apparently cruel and unusual punishment is only illegal when NOT performed by a church leader.

When a church or it’s leaders persecutes a person, that person can not defend themselves from that church because the USA government gives them religious immunity. The only way the government will protect you from them, is if you yourself are a church leader and likewise also have religious immunity, than it becomes illegal for the church leaders to hurt you, because church leaders are protected from every one even other church leaders. Therefor the only way I can stop these people (without moving to a country that punishes religious tyranny – aka France) is if I start a church of my own. The USA government will not allow any one for any reason to persecute a church or it’s leaders (even if it’s to defend themselves from said church and it’s leaders) therefore, if I had a church of my own, these men would no longer be able to hurt me and the government would finally protect me from them.

The fact that the most persistent of these men, and the one who lays the most tyranny to the extent of not allowing me to make a move or say a word without his prior approval due to the fact “god told him” I was “destined” to be his wife and I therefor belong to him, no matter that for 23 years I’ve refused to give in to his tyranny and marry him . . . the fact that he now owns a gun, make it much more emminant that I find a way to get away from these people.

So you see, I don’t want to start a church to preach religion. I want to start a retreat, a place of safety, for women and their pets, women like me, who are trapped by the legalities of the so-called “separation of church and state” law which gives brass fisted church leaders religious immunity to terrorize women, children, and pets. I want to create a place of safety for them to be free from these types of men, and have the same protection from the government that the government grants these men. I want to get away from these men, and than help others in the same situation also get away. And that is more of a church than any of their religious dogmas, because that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus wouldn’t preach terror and practice abuse, he taught love and peace. So my idea classifies as a church, because it is putting into practice the very things Christ taught.

A retreat, a safe haven, a sanctuary, a place of safety for women and their pets, from the reigns of evil men who use religion as a tools of hate, power, greed and control. And do it, on a farm, much in the setting of a monastery. That is what I mean when I say I’m looking to start a church.

But how does one do this? And what exactly is this called? I know that saying I want to start a church, brings up the wrong mental image of what I want to do, but I don’t know what else to call it. Also, I’m not sure how to get this thing started and set in motion. The fact that these men took everything away from me and I’m start without so much as a penny, doesn’t help matters either. And all the laws the government has about what you can and can not do are mind boggling. Anyone got any ideas on how I can go about pulling this off?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

What do you call it when starting a church is not starting a church?

I need to find a different name to call this thing I’m doing. I know I keep calling it “looking to start a church” because legally that’s what the government would call it, but that’s not a correct description. My goal is not a church or a religion per say, but rather more of a monastery, spiritual retreat, a Waldorf community, or a hermitage, though none of those words is accurate either. I can’t find the right word.

You see, my plan is not so much a church, but rather a place of safety from religious tyranny. A place where women who have pets can go to escape from evil men who use religion to abuse them. But at the same time, sort of a don-denominational chapel, so that the women can continue to worship their god while they are here.

I want to run the place like a monastery, a sort of farm on a mountain, something like the New Skete monks or Sky Farm Hermitage.

A place of quiet reflection, of peace, of living apart from civilization (cities) and living in the wild at peace with the world rather than destroying it. A place where I can live as I do already, but where others can come to live the same way, and where none of us has to live in fear of reliving the hell I went through at the hands of hate filled religious crazed vandals. Not freedom of religion, but freedom FROM religion with the freedom to live off the land, without resorting to killing its creatures.

That’s what I want: not preaching and dogmas, but peace and oneness. Not hate but love. Freedom to live without being told I’m going to hell. Freedom to live without scripture being quoted at the expense of actual conversation. I don’t know how to talk because no one has ever talked with me. EVER. Church was always more important. Church was more important than family. Church was more important than love. I want freedom from that.

I suppose this whole I idea started to root in my mid teens when I first started questioning the fact that church leaders kept saying I was demon possessed. I guess I just didn’t realize it back than. I was about 12 years old when I started drawing up plans for this farm in the forest, and when people asked what it was I’d say “That’s where I’m going to live someday.” Odd. It was just me doodleing on paper back than.

Than in 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil! I wasn’t demon possessed. What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch. (in a bad way)
I’m tired of being told I’m evil. 
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon. 
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell. 
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female. 
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men. 
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD. 
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me. 
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered. 
I’m tired of being harassed by these people. 
I’m tired of it. 
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Seeing on paper, the things these people, my so-call friends, were doing, and seeing that every time they did something to hurt me they did it saying they did it out of love and because god had told them to do it, because god said I was evil and must be punished, seeing all that on paper, suddenly it hit me . . . I’m not evil, they are!

In 2007 I tried to get help from the government, but found out some things I never knew before: namely that because these people where doing what they were doing because it was what their church was teaching, and because they were church leaders themselves, meant that you can’t legal do anything against them, and you can’t stop them from doing these things because, the “state” doesn’t get involved in “these matters”. There are laws (at least in Maine) preventing the government (police, courts, judges, etc) from taking any legal action against criminals if said criminal is ordainended to hold church authority! Because the people who burned down my home where church leaders, I could do nothing to defend myself from them, because they where granted religious immunity by the State of Maine, and no one, not even the law itself, could touch them! I was stunned that such an idiotic set of laws existed. I thought this was America land of the free where cruel and unusual punishment was illegal, but apparently cruel and unusual punishment is only illegal when NOT performed by a church leader.

When a church or it’s leaders persecutes a person, that person can not defend themselves from that church because the USA government gives them religious immunity. The only way the government will protect you from them, is if you yourself are a church leader and likewise also have religious immunity, than it becomes illegal for the church leaders to hurt you, because church leaders are protected from every one even other church leaders. Therefor the only way I can stop these people (without moving to a country that punishes religious tyranny – aka France) is if I start a church of my own. The USA government will not allow any one for any reason to persecute a church or it’s leaders (even if it’s to defend themselves from said church and it’s leaders) therefore, if I had a church of my own, these men would no longer be able to hurt me and the government would finally protect me from them.

The fact that the most persistent of these men, and the one who lays the most tyranny to the extent of not allowing me to make a move or say a word without his prior approval due to the fact “god told him” I was “destined” to be his wife and I therefor belong to him, no matter that for 23 years I’ve refused to give in to his tyranny and marry him . . . the fact that he now owns a gun, make it much more emminant that I find a way to get away from these people.

So you see, I don’t want to start a church to preach religion. I want to start a retreat, a place of safety, for women and their pets, women like me, who are trapped by the legalities of the so-called “separation of church and state” law which gives brass fisted church leaders religious immunity to terrorize women, children, and pets. I want to create a place of safety for them to be free from these types of men, and have the same protection from the government that the government grants these men. I want to get away from these men, and than help others in the same situation also get away. And that is more of a church than any of their religious dogmas, because that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus wouldn’t preach terror and practice abuse, he taught love and peace. So my idea classifies as a church, because it is putting into practice the very things Christ taught.

A retreat, a safe haven, a sanctuary, a place of safety for women and their pets, from the reigns of evil men who use religion as a tools of hate, power, greed and control. And do it, on a farm, much in the setting of a monastery. That is what I mean when I say I’m looking to start a church.

But how does one do this? And what exactly is this called? I know that saying I want to start a church, brings up the wrong mental image of what I want to do, but I don’t know what else to call it. Also, I’m not sure how to get this thing started and set in motion. The fact that these men took everything away from me and I’m start without so much as a penny, doesn’t help matters either. And all the laws the government has about what you can and can not do are mind boggling. Anyone got any ideas on how I can go about pulling this off?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

>What do you call it when starting a church is not starting a church?

>

I need to find a different name to call this thing I’m doing. I know I keep calling it “looking to start a church” because legally that’s what the government would call it, but that’s not a correct description. My goal is not a church or a religion per say, but rather more of a monastery, spiritual retreat, a Waldorf community, or a hermitage, though none of those words is accurate either. I can’t find the right word.

You see, my plan is not so much a church, but rather a place of safety from religious tyranny. A place where women who have pets can go to escape from evil men who use religion to abuse them. But at the same time, sort of a don-denominational chapel, so that the women can continue to worship their god while they are here.

I want to run the place like a monastery, a sort of farm on a mountain, something like the New Skete monks or Sky Farm Hermitage.

A place of quiet reflection, of peace, of living apart from civilization (cities) and living in the wild at peace with the world rather than destroying it. A place where I can live as I do already, but where others can come to live the same way, and where none of us has to live in fear of reliving the hell I went through at the hands of hate filled religious crazed vandals. Not freedom of religion, but freedom FROM religion with the freedom to live off the land, without resorting to killing its creatures.

That’s what I want: not preaching and dogmas, but peace and oneness. Not hate but love. Freedom to live without being told I’m going to hell. Freedom to live without scripture being quoted at the expense of actual conversation. I don’t know how to talk because no one has ever talked with me. EVER. Church was always more important. Church was more important than family. Church was more important than love. I want freedom from that.

I suppose this whole I idea started to root in my mid teens when I first started questioning the fact that church leaders kept saying I was demon possessed. I guess I just didn’t realize it back than. I was about 12 years old when I started drawing up plans for this farm in the forest, and when people asked what it was I’d say “That’s where I’m going to live someday.” Odd. It was just me doodleing on paper back than.

Than in 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil! I wasn’t demon possessed. What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Seeing on paper, the things these people, my so-call friends, were doing, and seeing that every time they did something to hurt me they did it saying they did it out of love and because god had told them to do it, because god said I was evil and must be punished, seeing all that on paper, suddenly it hit me . . . I’m not evil, they are!

In 2007 I tried to get help from the government, but found out some things I never knew before: namely that because these people where doing what they were doing because it was what their church was teaching, and because they were church leaders themselves, meant that you can’t legal do anything against them, and you can’t stop them from doing these things because, the “state” doesn’t get involved in “these matters”. There are laws (at least in Maine) preventing the government (police, courts, judges, etc) from taking any legal action against criminals if said criminal is ordainended to hold church authority! Because the people who burned down my home where church leaders, I could do nothing to defend myself from them, because they where granted religious immunity by the State of Maine, and no one, not even the law itself, could touch them! I was stunned that such an idiotic set of laws existed. I thought this was America land of the free where cruel and unusual punishment was illegal, but apparently cruel and unusual punishment is only illegal when NOT performed by a church leader.

When a church or it’s leaders persecutes a person, that person can not defend themselves from that church because the USA government gives them religious immunity. The only way the government will protect you from them, is if you yourself are a church leader and likewise also have religious immunity, than it becomes illegal for the church leaders to hurt you, because church leaders are protected from every one even other church leaders. Therefor the only way I can stop these people (without moving to a country that punishes religious tyranny – aka France) is if I start a church of my own. The USA government will not allow any one for any reason to persecute a church or it’s leaders (even if it’s to defend themselves from said church and it’s leaders) therefore, if I had a church of my own, these men would no longer be able to hurt me and the government would finally protect me from them.

The fact that the most persistent of these men, and the one who lays the most tyranny to the extent of not allowing me to make a move or say a word without his prior approval due to the fact “god told him” I was “destined” to be his wife and I therefor belong to him, no matter that for 23 years I’ve refused to give in to his tyranny and marry him . . . the fact that he now owns a gun, make it much more emminant that I find a way to get away from these people.

So you see, I don’t want to start a church to preach religion. I want to start a retreat, a place of safety, for women and their pets, women like me, who are trapped by the legalities of the so-called “separation of church and state” law which gives brass fisted church leaders religious immunity to terrorize women, children, and pets. I want to create a place of safety for them to be free from these types of men, and have the same protection from the government that the government grants these men. I want to get away from these men, and than help others in the same situation also get away. And that is more of a church than any of their religious dogmas, because that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus wouldn’t preach terror and practice abuse, he taught love and peace. So my idea classifies as a church, because it is putting into practice the very things Christ taught.

A retreat, a safe haven, a sanctuary, a place of safety for women and their pets, from the reigns of evil men who use religion as a tools of hate, power, greed and control. And do it, on a farm, much in the setting of a monastery. That is what I mean when I say I’m looking to start a church.

But how does one do this? And what exactly is this called? I know that saying I want to start a church, brings up the wrong mental image of what I want to do, but I don’t know what else to call it. Also, I’m not sure how to get this thing started and set in motion. The fact that these men took everything away from me and I’m start without so much as a penny, doesn’t help matters either. And all the laws the government has about what you can and can not do are mind boggling. Anyone got any ideas on how I can go about pulling this off?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

What do you call it when starting a church is not starting a church?

I need to find a different name to call this thing I’m doing. I know I keep calling it “looking to start a church” because legally that’s what the government would call it, but that’s not a correct description. My goal is not a church or a religion per say, but rather more of a monastery, spiritual retreat, a Waldorf community, or a hermitage, though none of those words is accurate either. I can’t find the right word.

You see, my plan is not so much a church, but rather a place of safety from religious tyranny. A place where women who have pets can go to escape from evil men who use religion to abuse them. But at the same time, sort of a don-denominational chapel, so that the women can continue to worship their god while they are here.

I want to run the place like a monastery, a sort of farm on a mountain, something like the New Skete monks or Sky Farm Hermitage.

A place of quiet reflection, of peace, of living apart from civilization (cities) and living in the wild at peace with the world rather than destroying it. A place where I can live as I do already, but where others can come to live the same way, and where none of us has to live in fear of reliving the hell I went through at the hands of hate filled religious crazed vandals. Not freedom of religion, but freedom FROM religion with the freedom to live off the land, without resorting to killing its creatures.

That’s what I want: not preaching and dogmas, but peace and oneness. Not hate but love. Freedom to live without being told I’m going to hell. Freedom to live without scripture being quoted at the expense of actual conversation. I don’t know how to talk because no one has ever talked with me. EVER. Church was always more important. Church was more important than family. Church was more important than love. I want freedom from that.

I suppose this whole I idea started to root in my mid teens when I first started questioning the fact that church leaders kept saying I was demon possessed. I guess I just didn’t realize it back than. I was about 12 years old when I started drawing up plans for this farm in the forest, and when people asked what it was I’d say “That’s where I’m going to live someday.” Odd. It was just me doodleing on paper back than.

Than in 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil! I wasn’t demon possessed. What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Seeing on paper, the things these people, my so-call friends, were doing, and seeing that every time they did something to hurt me they did it saying they did it out of love and because god had told them to do it, because god said I was evil and must be punished, seeing all that on paper, suddenly it hit me . . . I’m not evil, they are!

In 2007 I tried to get help from the government, but found out some things I never knew before: namely that because these people where doing what they were doing because it was what their church was teaching, and because they were church leaders themselves, meant that you can’t legal do anything against them, and you can’t stop them from doing these things because, the “state” doesn’t get involved in “these matters”. There are laws (at least in Maine) preventing the government (police, courts, judges, etc) from taking any legal action against criminals if said criminal is ordainended to hold church authority! Because the people who burned down my home where church leaders, I could do nothing to defend myself from them, because they where granted religious immunity by the State of Maine, and no one, not even the law itself, could touch them! I was stunned that such an idiotic set of laws existed. I thought this was America land of the free where cruel and unusual punishment was illegal, but apparently cruel and unusual punishment is only illegal when NOT performed by a church leader.

When a church or it’s leaders persecutes a person, that person can not defend themselves from that church because the USA government gives them religious immunity. The only way the government will protect you from them, is if you yourself are a church leader and likewise also have religious immunity, than it becomes illegal for the church leaders to hurt you, because church leaders are protected from every one even other church leaders. Therefor the only way I can stop these people (without moving to a country that punishes religious tyranny – aka France) is if I start a church of my own. The USA government will not allow any one for any reason to persecute a church or it’s leaders (even if it’s to defend themselves from said church and it’s leaders) therefore, if I had a church of my own, these men would no longer be able to hurt me and the government would finally protect me from them.

The fact that the most persistent of these men, and the one who lays the most tyranny to the extent of not allowing me to make a move or say a word without his prior approval due to the fact “god told him” I was “destined” to be his wife and I therefor belong to him, no matter that for 23 years I’ve refused to give in to his tyranny and marry him . . . the fact that he now owns a gun, make it much more emminant that I find a way to get away from these people.

So you see, I don’t want to start a church to preach religion. I want to start a retreat, a place of safety, for women and their pets, women like me, who are trapped by the legalities of the so-called “separation of church and state” law which gives brass fisted church leaders religious immunity to terrorize women, children, and pets. I want to create a place of safety for them to be free from these types of men, and have the same protection from the government that the government grants these men. I want to get away from these men, and than help others in the same situation also get away. And that is more of a church than any of their religious dogmas, because that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus wouldn’t preach terror and practice abuse, he taught love and peace. So my idea classifies as a church, because it is putting into practice the very things Christ taught.

A retreat, a safe haven, a sanctuary, a place of safety for women and their pets, from the reigns of evil men who use religion as a tools of hate, power, greed and control. And do it, on a farm, much in the setting of a monastery. That is what I mean when I say I’m looking to start a church.

But how does one do this? And what exactly is this called? I know that saying I want to start a church, brings up the wrong mental image of what I want to do, but I don’t know what else to call it. Also, I’m not sure how to get this thing started and set in motion. The fact that these men took everything away from me and I’m start without so much as a penny, doesn’t help matters either. And all the laws the government has about what you can and can not do are mind boggling. Anyone got any ideas on how I can go about pulling this off?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.

What do you call it when starting a church is not starting a church?

I need to find a different name to call this thing I’m doing. I know I keep calling it “looking to start a church” because legally that’s what the government would call it, but that’s not a correct description. My goal is not a church or a religion per say, but rather more of a monastery, spiritual retreat, a Waldorf community, or a hermitage, though none of those words is accurate either. I can’t find the right word.

You see, my plan is not so much a church, but rather a place of safety from religious tyranny. A place where women who have pets can go to escape from evil men who use religion to abuse them. But at the same time, sort of a don-denominational chapel, so that the women can continue to worship their god while they are here.

I want to run the place like a monastery, a sort of farm on a mountain, something like the New Skete monks or Sky Farm Hermitage.

A place of quiet reflection, of peace, of living apart from civilization (cities) and living in the wild at peace with the world rather than destroying it. A place where I can live as I do already, but where others can come to live the same way, and where none of us has to live in fear of reliving the hell I went through at the hands of hate filled religious crazed vandals. Not freedom of religion, but freedom FROM religion with the freedom to live off the land, without resorting to killing its creatures.

That’s what I want: not preaching and dogmas, but peace and oneness. Not hate but love. Freedom to live without being told I’m going to hell. Freedom to live without scripture being quoted at the expense of actual conversation. I don’t know how to talk because no one has ever talked with me. EVER. Church was always more important. Church was more important than family. Church was more important than love. I want freedom from that.

I suppose this whole I idea started to root in my mid teens when I first started questioning the fact that church leaders kept saying I was demon possessed. I guess I just didn’t realize it back than. I was about 12 years old when I started drawing up plans for this farm in the forest, and when people asked what it was I’d say “That’s where I’m going to live someday.” Odd. It was just me doodleing on paper back than.

Than in 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil! I wasn’t demon possessed. What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:

I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Seeing on paper, the things these people, my so-call friends, were doing, and seeing that every time they did something to hurt me they did it saying they did it out of love and because god had told them to do it, because god said I was evil and must be punished, seeing all that on paper, suddenly it hit me . . . I’m not evil, they are!

In 2007 I tried to get help from the government, but found out some things I never knew before: namely that because these people where doing what they were doing because it was what their church was teaching, and because they were church leaders themselves, meant that you can’t legal do anything against them, and you can’t stop them from doing these things because, the “state” doesn’t get involved in “these matters”. There are laws (at least in Maine) preventing the government (police, courts, judges, etc) from taking any legal action against criminals if said criminal is ordainended to hold church authority! Because the people who burned down my home where church leaders, I could do nothing to defend myself from them, because they where granted religious immunity by the State of Maine, and no one, not even the law itself, could touch them! I was stunned that such an idiotic set of laws existed. I thought this was America land of the free where cruel and unusual punishment was illegal, but apparently cruel and unusual punishment is only illegal when NOT performed by a church leader.

When a church or it’s leaders persecutes a person, that person can not defend themselves from that church because the USA government gives them religious immunity. The only way the government will protect you from them, is if you yourself are a church leader and likewise also have religious immunity, than it becomes illegal for the church leaders to hurt you, because church leaders are protected from every one even other church leaders. Therefor the only way I can stop these people (without moving to a country that punishes religious tyranny – aka France) is if I start a church of my own. The USA government will not allow any one for any reason to persecute a church or it’s leaders (even if it’s to defend themselves from said church and it’s leaders) therefore, if I had a church of my own, these men would no longer be able to hurt me and the government would finally protect me from them.

The fact that the most persistent of these men, and the one who lays the most tyranny to the extent of not allowing me to make a move or say a word without his prior approval due to the fact “god told him” I was “destined” to be his wife and I therefor belong to him, no matter that for 23 years I’ve refused to give in to his tyranny and marry him . . . the fact that he now owns a gun, make it much more emminant that I find a way to get away from these people.

So you see, I don’t want to start a church to preach religion. I want to start a retreat, a place of safety, for women and their pets, women like me, who are trapped by the legalities of the so-called “separation of church and state” law which gives brass fisted church leaders religious immunity to terrorize women, children, and pets. I want to create a place of safety for them to be free from these types of men, and have the same protection from the government that the government grants these men. I want to get away from these men, and than help others in the same situation also get away. And that is more of a church than any of their religious dogmas, because that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus wouldn’t preach terror and practice abuse, he taught love and peace. So my idea classifies as a church, because it is putting into practice the very things Christ taught.

A retreat, a safe haven, a sanctuary, a place of safety for women and their pets, from the reigns of evil men who use religion as a tools of hate, power, greed and control. And do it, on a farm, much in the setting of a monastery. That is what I mean when I say I’m looking to start a church.

But how does one do this? And what exactly is this called? I know that saying I want to start a church, brings up the wrong mental image of what I want to do, but I don’t know what else to call it. Also, I’m not sure how to get this thing started and set in motion. The fact that these men took everything away from me and I’m start without so much as a penny, doesn’t help matters either. And all the laws the government has about what you can and can not do are mind boggling. Anyone got any ideas on how I can go about pulling this off?

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

. . .

————-
If you liked reading this blog and want to read more stuff written by me, I have lots of websites, where you can read other things I write, here are a few of the ones I like the best:
.
.

.