Category Archives: writing sex scenes

>NaNoWriMo RE: Just for fun- what’s your first line… and last line?

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Just for fun- what’s your first line… and last line?

 

tess1
Just for fun- what’s your first line… and last line?

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Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 17 34
Thought this might be fun. 
What do you have written for your very first line?

And what’s the last line you’ve got right now?

EelKat


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Location: Old Orchard Beach & Biddeford, Maine, USA
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Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 18 42
 
 
First line:
— Tears streamed down his cheeks.
(It starts out at a funeral – it’s a necrophiliac story! LOL! Yep, I admit it – I’m weird and so are my characters! =P )
Current last line:
— She looked down and realized she was naked too.
(She had been knocked out by a sex crazed male Gorgon and has just woken up – minus her cloths. Now I have to figure out where her cloths went and why. Uh-huh, more weirdness on my part. =P)

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>NaNoWriMo RE: Why the Heck Am I Writing Erotica?

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Why the Heck Am I Writing Erotica?

 

EelKat
Why the Heck Am I Writing Erotica?

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Location: Old Orchard Beach & Biddeford, Maine, USA
Posts: 264
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 16 37
I am supposed to be writing horror. It’s a haunted house, with a serial killer, and demons, and a Gorgon-man who’s half snake half man and cannibals…and people dyng left and right (at least they are supposed to be dying left and right)… and … and …and … 
the serial killer won’t get out of bed long enough to kill any body … and the Gorgon is too busy seducing girls to be scarring people (I can’t get him out of his bed room long enough to scare people out of the house!!!) What the hell? It’s like one big giant sex orgy after another! This is so NOT what I planned on writing. 
My outline is sitting there asking me Why? Why aren’t you using me? All my characters want to do is have sex with each other – in every single chapter!
And to top it all off, the sex scenes are longer than the none sex scenes! I’ve got a 5k word sex scene in one chapter and 3k word sex scene in the next chapter. (Well at least I get a big boost in word count every time they jump in bed). If this keeps up I’m going to have to change my genre from horror to erotic fiction. =P
Any one else have their characters changing their genre from some thing else to Erotica?

———-


Firebrain

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Posts: 32
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 16 45
How does a gorgon manage to have sex with people before he turns them to stone?!
tess1

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Joined: Oct 26, 2010
Location: Somewhere between A and Z…
Posts: 226
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 17 16
NOT making comment about “hard”, not making comment, not making comment…. :)
katey_boo

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Joined: Oct 25, 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 35
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 17 32
Does he get a stoner?? ;-) – just kidding – couldn’t resist
xK
IrenaCandy

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Joined: Oct 26, 2008
Location: Willits, California, USA
Posts: 19
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 17 58
“How does a gorgon manage to have sex with people before he turns them to stone?!”
Without looking into their eyes, or he’s apt to find his dong clutched in a stone Visegrip.
EelKat

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Posts: 264
Posted on:
Nov 7, 2010 – 18 14
Firebrain wrote:

How does a gorgon manage to have sex with people before he turns them to stone?!

I have yet to explain that part – I’m trying to figure it out myself! LOL!
All I’ve got so far, is he’s got this “magic ruby” that he wears all the time, and I figure (seeing how he’s only half-Gorgon) some how wearing it is keeping him from turning them to stone.


But also – he’s been coming up behind them and knocking them out – can’t look into his eyes if they’s be unconscious. 

 
 
 

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>NaNoWriMo RE: Mmost interesting place to have sex?

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Mmost interesting place to have sex?

 

Feanorianfangirl
Mmost interesting place to have sex?

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Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Location: Castle Oblivion
Posts: 111
Posted on:
Oct 3, 2010 – 17 13
I’ve been wanting to ask this partially because of my writing and partially out of curiousity.
What do you think the most interesting place to have sex would be?
I’ve thought of a merry-go-round and a violently rocking ship in a storm. (I thought it would be funny if the person tried to hold them gets thrown off and smacks their head).
What are your ideas?

———-


I don’t know if it’s THE MOST interesting or not, but I’ve always loved the idea of sex on the beach at low tide in a secluded cove – naked in the sand – sand getting into every place possible – and them so into each other that they don’t notice the tide came in until the water had totally cut them off, and they end up drowning. (I’m getting ready to write that scene in my book.)

Yes, I know – I’m sick. I like to kill my characters off just moments after they’ve had sex. If you read what I write, you’d think “I’d better not have sex, because if I do I’ll die 10 seconds later”. LOL!

But anyways, I just totally love the whole idea of sex on the beach so I use it in every thing I wrote.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
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>NaNoWriMo RE: #1 Reason To NOT Fade Into Black…

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird


#1 Reason To NOT Fade Into Black…

 

EelKat
#1 Reason To NOT Fade Into Black…

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Location: Old Orchard Beach & Biddeford, Maine, USA
Posts: 264
Posted on:
Nov 5, 2010 – 12 55
I just wrote a 5,438 word sex scene!
That’s like 3 days worth of writing in one day because I decided NOT to fade into black! LOL!
YAY!
Best way to boost word count fast, at least for me anyways, is to send your characters to bed and leave the camera running. =P

———-

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
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http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

NaNoWriMo RE: Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?


the_alchemistGlowing Halo
Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?

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Joined: Oct 4, 2003
Location: Brixton, London
Posts: 21
Posted on:
Oct 13, 2010 – 06 57
I’m not writing erotica as such, but I’m writing a fantasy novel in which a sixteen-year-old (though I could make her a year or so older if anyone things that would significantly help matters) has sex with her tutor who is in his late forties or so.
They need to have sex because they need to have a baby together to Save The World. She has a crush on him, and is really quite keen on the idea. He doesn’t fancy people that young (and probably doesn’t fancy people that female either – it’s ambiguous), but is up for it for world-saving reasons, though embarrassed and worried about her. (Which makes him sound like a nicer person than he is – he’s generally grumpy, sarcastic and has high standards which she doesn’t even nearly live up to.)
Any tips on how to write this relationship without it being too creepy and icky? Anyone read anything similar that I could look at for inspiration?
———- 
 
 
 
 

Would you all consider me to be creepy if I told you that at age 16 I had sex with my 43 year old Sunday School teacher/High Priest and today 23 years later I’m still with him, even though we have to keep the whole thing secret from his church otherwise they’d excommunicate him? (Wow – would my life make a great story plot or what?)

Because of my own personal relationship with him, huge age differances tend to crop up in the books and short stories I write (I’m a write what I know kind of writer) and this year’s NaNovel is no exception. This year I’ve got a 14 year old girl vs a 70 year old man.

I will tell you one thing – if she is under 18, you will have a really hard time getting published. You’d be self pubbing it, and NOT through LuLu as they won’t allow underage sex to be self pubbed with them. You’d have to go through a local print shop, or buy a printing press to set up in your kitchen. Age difference alone is a tough sell and publishers what salable works. A girl under 18, with a man over 20 is ILLEGAL to publish in the United States. You are dealing with “banned book” territory, if by chance your book does get published, it’ll be pulled of shelves in a matter of days and shreaded. (Been there, done that.) Most publishers only accept teen/old sex if the man is a pedophile and the story is a court crime case to put him in prison. Otherwise you yourself risk being sued and going to prison as a “writer of child pornography”. This is a VERY risky area to try to get published…because if someone reads your book, than has sex with a teen, you could be blamed for having put the idea into their head…it happens…thus why there are laws against writing child porn, and any sex between a -18 and a 21+ is classified as “child porn” in the USA. This is what I write. I write this stuff all the time, I have to know the laws and loopholes, otherwise nothing I write could ever get published. He has to be potrayed as an evil villain and she has to be portraied as a innocent victim, otherwise you are getting into a huge mess of legal issues. So if you plan to publish it, you MUST change her age to 18+ wither you want to or not.

If publication is not your goal, than leave it as is, and write it out exactly the way you feel fits best for your story wither it feels icky and creepy or not. (Hey, icky and creepy may turn out the be exactly the best way to portray it, if he’s not very willing to go for her – he may very well be feeling icky and creeped out over having sex with a girl her age.).

From having been there and done that myself, I can tell you that when people, strangers, family, and friends find out what is going on, your couple will come up against some pretty radical hate. On October 21, 2006 members of his church burned my house down. (see http://www.squidoo.com/OnBeingHomeless2 ) and on May 5, 2010 a woman from his congregation stole my car and cut it in half (see http://www.squidoo.com/StolenCar ) . We’ve had to change congregations 5 times over the past 23 years, even though today I am 35 years old! He is now an elderly man and I still love him, I still stand by him, and we still have to deal with a lot of bad mouthing, nose snubbing, and hate crimes. Church members long ago branded me a whore and him a pedophile and those are words we still have thrown at us all these years later. There have been people who try to convince me to take him to court on rape charges, than freak out when I refuse to agree with them.

I have known 3 other couples with similar age differences, and all 3 of them went through similar shunning and vandalisms we went through, and all 3 of those relationships crumbled under the stress, because the relationships were built totally on lust and sex, not love and respect. In order for a big age difference relationship to last, you have to have a tough skin and be willing to stand by your lover no matter what. You will lose friends and be disowned by family, and people will try dragging the man to court and say the girl is too incompitant to know what he was doing to her. I know, because it’s what we’ve had to deal with for the last 23 years. (We are both Mormons btw.)

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

>NaNoWriMo RE: Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?


the_alchemistGlowing Halo
Sex between a teenager and a 49-year-old – any way of making it non-creepy?

0 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 4, 2003
Location: Brixton, London
Posts: 21
Posted on:
Oct 13, 2010 – 06 57
I’m not writing erotica as such, but I’m writing a fantasy novel in which a sixteen-year-old (though I could make her a year or so older if anyone things that would significantly help matters) has sex with her tutor who is in his late forties or so.
They need to have sex because they need to have a baby together to Save The World. She has a crush on him, and is really quite keen on the idea. He doesn’t fancy people that young (and probably doesn’t fancy people that female either – it’s ambiguous), but is up for it for world-saving reasons, though embarrassed and worried about her. (Which makes him sound like a nicer person than he is – he’s generally grumpy, sarcastic and has high standards which she doesn’t even nearly live up to.)
Any tips on how to write this relationship without it being too creepy and icky? Anyone read anything similar that I could look at for inspiration?
———- 
 
 
 
 

Would you all consider me to be creepy if I told you that at age 16 I had sex with my 43 year old Sunday School teacher/High Priest and today 23 years later I’m still with him, even though we have to keep the whole thing secret from his church otherwise they’d excommunicate him? (Wow – would my life make a great story plot or what?)

Because of my own personal relationship with him, huge age differances tend to crop up in the books and short stories I write (I’m a write what I know kind of writer) and this year’s NaNovel is no exception. This year I’ve got a 14 year old girl vs a 70 year old man.

I will tell you one thing – if she is under 18, you will have a really hard time getting published. You’d be self pubbing it, and NOT through LuLu as they won’t allow underage sex to be self pubbed with them. You’d have to go through a local print shop, or buy a printing press to set up in your kitchen. Age difference alone is a tough sell and publishers what salable works. A girl under 18, with a man over 20 is ILLEGAL to publish in the United States. You are dealing with “banned book” territory, if by chance your book does get published, it’ll be pulled of shelves in a matter of days and shreaded. (Been there, done that.) Most publishers only accept teen/old sex if the man is a pedophile and the story is a court crime case to put him in prison. Otherwise you yourself risk being sued and going to prison as a “writer of child pornography”. This is a VERY risky area to try to get published…because if someone reads your book, than has sex with a teen, you could be blamed for having put the idea into their head…it happens…thus why there are laws against writing child porn, and any sex between a -18 and a 21+ is classified as “child porn” in the USA. This is what I write. I write this stuff all the time, I have to know the laws and loopholes, otherwise nothing I write could ever get published. He has to be potrayed as an evil villain and she has to be portraied as a innocent victim, otherwise you are getting into a huge mess of legal issues. So if you plan to publish it, you MUST change her age to 18+ wither you want to or not.

If publication is not your goal, than leave it as is, and write it out exactly the way you feel fits best for your story wither it feels icky and creepy or not. (Hey, icky and creepy may turn out the be exactly the best way to portray it, if he’s not very willing to go for her – he may very well be feeling icky and creeped out over having sex with a girl her age.).

From having been there and done that myself, I can tell you that when people, strangers, family, and friends find out what is going on, your couple will come up against some pretty radical hate. On October 21, 2006 members of his church burned my house down. (see http://www.squidoo.com/OnBeingHomeless2 ) and on May 5, 2010 a woman from his congregation stole my car and cut it in half (see http://www.squidoo.com/StolenCar ) . We’ve had to change congregations 5 times over the past 23 years, even though today I am 35 years old! He is now an elderly man and I still love him, I still stand by him, and we still have to deal with a lot of bad mouthing, nose snubbing, and hate crimes. Church members long ago branded me a whore and him a pedophile and those are words we still have thrown at us all these years later. There have been people who try to convince me to take him to court on rape charges, than freak out when I refuse to agree with them.

I have known 3 other couples with similar age differences, and all 3 of them went through similar shunning and vandalisms we went through, and all 3 of those relationships crumbled under the stress, because the relationships were built totally on lust and sex, not love and respect. In order for a big age difference relationship to last, you have to have a tough skin and be willing to stand by your lover no matter what. You will lose friends and be disowned by family, and people will try dragging the man to court and say the girl is too incompitant to know what he was doing to her. I know, because it’s what we’ve had to deal with for the last 23 years. (We are both Mormons btw.)

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

NaNoWriMo RE: Sex in Horror?

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Sex and Horror?

 

Ayako
Sex
 

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Joined: Oct 6, 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 16
Posted on:
Oct 25, 2010 – 18 13
 Because everyone couldn’t wait for this topic to pop up in horror and supernatural (instead of, say, erotic fiction). But it fits here, I swear.

So anyways, dedicated to my tradition of writing horror, I’m writing another horror novel again this year. The only problem is, I’m rather wanting to write sex scenes, which so do not fit with horror. I mean, sex just doesn’t fit amidst terror and fear and stuff. Like scary scary scary, oh happy moment that doesn’t relate, horror, horror, horror.

Has anyone run into this predicament before? Possibly managed to make it work and fit in?

———-

Sex and Horror seem to go hand in hand.

My own horror books tend to be boarder-line hard core porn. My main characters have sex romps in between being chased by serial killers. My serial killer rapes his victims before killing them, and than rapes them again for several days after they are dead. I’ve got one character who never buried his wife, and keep her dead mummified body in his bedroom for years so he could keep on having sex with her.

Yes, I know, I have a sick tormented sadistic mind filled with sex and murder, and I get it out of my head every November by putting it in writing.

Nope, I’ve no problems at all with sex in horror. Go for it.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

>NaNoWriMo RE: Sex in Horror?

> black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Sex and Horror?

 

Ayako
Sex
 

0 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 6, 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 16
Posted on:
Oct 25, 2010 – 18 13
 Because everyone couldn’t wait for this topic to pop up in horror and supernatural (instead of, say, erotic fiction). But it fits here, I swear.

So anyways, dedicated to my tradition of writing horror, I’m writing another horror novel again this year. The only problem is, I’m rather wanting to write sex scenes, which so do not fit with horror. I mean, sex just doesn’t fit amidst terror and fear and stuff. Like scary scary scary, oh happy moment that doesn’t relate, horror, horror, horror.

Has anyone run into this predicament before? Possibly managed to make it work and fit in?

———-

Sex and Horror seem to go hand in hand.

My own horror books tend to be boarder-line hard core porn. My main characters have sex romps in between being chased by serial killers. My serial killer rapes his victims before killing them, and than rapes them again for several days after they are dead. I’ve got one character who never buried his wife, and keep her dead mummified body in his bedroom for years so he could keep on having sex with her.

Yes, I know, I have a sick tormented sadistic mind filled with sex and murder, and I get it out of my head every November by putting it in writing.

Nope, I’ve no problems at all with sex in horror. Go for it.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

NaNoWriMo RE: "BDSM" themes in this forum

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

“BDSM” themes in this forum


Thetis0823Glowing Halo
“BDSM” themes in this forum

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Joined: Oct 7, 2008
Location: US
Posts: 11
Posted on:
Oct 26, 2010 – 10 42
As an active member of the BDSM community, I’m a little disconcerted by the overtones of abuse and rape in the BDSM fiction being discussed here.
BDSM is all about consent, negotiation, trust, safety, and sanity. Anything done outside those constraints is no longer BDSM; it’s just abuse. It becomes something unconscionable, unacceptable, and illegal–not to mention immoral and horrifying.
Just because a whip is wielded or power dynamics exist, DOES NOT make it BDSM.
There’s a lot more involved in this valid and actually very statistically acceptable and practiced lifestyle.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t write those types of stories. Force, abuse, and rape are familiar tropes and themes found in all types of literature. It’s a genre and there are lots of people who consume it, but it should be labeled correctly and written and read under full understanding of what it is.
To call force and rape and non-consensual activity BDSM, is like calling that type of behavior love or romance too. It’s lending a validation to abusive behavior that in no way deserves it and casts a damning shadow on perfectly benign and frankly fun behavior that has enough of a PR and stereotyping problem.
If you’re truly interested in BDSM—the dynamics and sensations and titillation involved—please, I encourage you to treat it the same way you would any other subject. Research it. Learn about it. Kink is a wide and varied world, you may be thoroughly surprised by what you find.

———————–

In my Twighlight Manor series, there is one relationship, only mentioned in I think 2 of the books, that was BDSM. (They are not a couple I use often). This particular relationship is M/M as well, with one of the men being a shemale/transvestite. While it is implied that there is a BDSM relationship going on between them, only twice has I ever used this couple in actual sex scenes and while they were probably among the most violent of my non-rape sex-scenes, there was never a point when it was implied that what was going on was anything other than consensual.

By contrast however, my stories often include scenes of sexual abuse and rape. In these instances however, the abuser is potraied as just that: an abuser, and the victim is suffering in actual mortal terror. It never would have occurred to me to suggest that this was in any way a BDSM relationship however.

It is possible that in my own writing I make these distinctions because two events in my personal life.

When I was 17, me and my best friend were cornered and attacked by a serial rapist. He unfortunately got away and was never caught, however, he was interrupted by a passer by and me and my friend we able to escape before he got a chance to do anything to us. The event however, terrified us. Had he not been chased away, own terror would probably have been much worse and longer lasting. I believe it was this event that causes me to write rape scenes in most of my stories, but it is also because of this event that I write them through the POV of a teenager victim, terrified of her attacker.

On the other hand, as I said BDSM, has shown up a couple of times in my stories, and I think that is because it has on occasion shown up in my own life. My own personal sex life, has always been with just one man, we have been together for 23 years and have a deep love and respect for one another. There was a time when he was interested in BDSM sex, it was short lived as he lost interest in BDSM sex after a few months, but during that time of our relationship, force and rape was his obsession, and I’ve never been one to shy away from new sexual experiences with him. He loved the idea of having a woman for a slave instead of a wife. It fit with the way our relationship already was, because he has “old fashioned” ideals about men being the head of the household and the woman obeying him without question, I’ve never had a problem with that set up, so adding BDSM sex to our already BDSM lifestyle was just the next step up. At his suggestion we tried it, but he did ask what I thought about it first, and had I said no, he would not have forced me to do anything I was not comfortable with. I mean, at no time did I ever feel I was threatened or not safe, with him. I think going into BDSM sex requires a huge amount of trust, way more than going into BDSM, esp on the part of the slave, because I really had to trust, that he wasn’t actually going to hurt me (you know what I mean.).

Another thing people outside the BDSM community do not consider is that it’s not all about sex. The sex part is what most outsiders hear about, it’s what the media focuses on, but sex is a very minor part of a full fledged Slave and Master lifestyle, and it’s possible to have a BDSM lifestyle that includes zero sex at all.

While BDSM sex was only a part of our relationship from the time I was 16 – 17, the BDSM lifestyle has been a very big part of our relationship. I suppose in the long run you could say our none-sexual relationship has a much stronger BDSM than our sexual relationship. He is very dominate and demand obedience in everything. I eat when I am told. I’ve never eaten at the table, nor do I ask to. I do not go shopping alone, I’m not allowed to. If I want to go someplace I have to get his permission first, and if he says NO, I can’t go. For example, I’ve done NaNoWriMo for 7 years now, but last year was the first year he gave me permission to attend the local Write-In meetings. This year, he said I could not go, and I went anyways, he punished me by locking me in my room for 7 days. He has now agreed to let me go to the remainder of the Write-Ins through October and November, but I have had to trade off other privileges to do so. I am 35 years old and I do not have a driver license, it is not allowed. I can not wear pants. I public I am not allowed to speak to anyone unless they direct a question to me and than I’m only allowed to answer quickly with yes or no and say nothing more. I am not allowed to talk to men at all, nor am I allowed to make eye contact with anyone. I will also point out that I was given to this man when I was 12 years old, and so my training as his slave started when I was young enough to be conditioned to obey him without question. My life with him is based on reward and punishment. If I disobey him, something I like is taken away, when I obey him, he is quick to buy me anything I ask for (he is very wealthy.)

My life with him has been described by some as a “gilded cage” and I suppose that is a very good way to put it. He can be described as my master and I his slave. I have never had any freedom, not once in my life have I ever had the option to choice to go somewhere or do something. I see girls on TV and movie (what few times I’m allowed to watch these which is not often) and I see girls leaving the house without a man with them and girls playing tennis with friends or girls going to eat out someplace or girls driving cars, or shopping for cloths or wearing make up or talking on phones….I see those things and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be able to do them, because I’ve never done them and I am not allowed too. He goes out and play tennis with his friends all the time every week, but I am not allowed to go with him and when I ask to come he goes into a rage and than refuses to speak to me for days. The silent treatment is the worst punishment of all, because he is the only person I am allowed to talk to, and if he stops talking to me I have no one at all, so I have learned to stop asking to be allowed to play tennis with him and his friends and I no longer ask to be allowed to go to the store with him. I accept the fact that I am not allowed to leave the house or have any friends other them him. I do not like it, but I accept it because the alternative is worse. That is the hard core reality of the BDSM lifestyle. I know, on the one hand it sounds cruel, cold, and depraved, but on the other hand, he is a kind and gentle man who would never physically harm me, and he will protect me from anything and any one. With him I know I am safe and protected, and I also know a lot of women could not say that about the man they are with.

All that said, I think the writers who call rape and abuse BDSM, are people who have never been in a BDSM relationship and are also people who have never had to deal with rape. Having dealt with both in my personal life, I believe has helped me to know the difference and not confuse one with the other in my stories.

But I agree, as you say, BDSM is always consensual, and no story should ever imply that it is anything otherwise; yes it can become violent, yes it can resemble rape, but the “victim/slave” is always willing, and what is happening never goes “too far” because the “abuser/master” will always stop if the “victim/slave” asks so.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of:

>NaNoWriMo RE: "BDSM" themes in this forum

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“BDSM” themes in this forum


Thetis0823Glowing Halo
“BDSM” themes in this forum

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Official Participant
Joined: Oct 7, 2008
Location: US
Posts: 11
Posted on:
Oct 26, 2010 – 10 42
As an active member of the BDSM community, I’m a little disconcerted by the overtones of abuse and rape in the BDSM fiction being discussed here.
BDSM is all about consent, negotiation, trust, safety, and sanity. Anything done outside those constraints is no longer BDSM; it’s just abuse. It becomes something unconscionable, unacceptable, and illegal–not to mention immoral and horrifying.
Just because a whip is wielded or power dynamics exist, DOES NOT make it BDSM.
There’s a lot more involved in this valid and actually very statistically acceptable and practiced lifestyle.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t write those types of stories. Force, abuse, and rape are familiar tropes and themes found in all types of literature. It’s a genre and there are lots of people who consume it, but it should be labeled correctly and written and read under full understanding of what it is.
To call force and rape and non-consensual activity BDSM, is like calling that type of behavior love or romance too. It’s lending a validation to abusive behavior that in no way deserves it and casts a damning shadow on perfectly benign and frankly fun behavior that has enough of a PR and stereotyping problem.
If you’re truly interested in BDSM—the dynamics and sensations and titillation involved—please, I encourage you to treat it the same way you would any other subject. Research it. Learn about it. Kink is a wide and varied world, you may be thoroughly surprised by what you find.

———————–

In my Twighlight Manor series, there is one relationship, only mentioned in I think 2 of the books, that was BDSM. (They are not a couple I use often). This particular relationship is M/M as well, with one of the men being a shemale/transvestite. While it is implied that there is a BDSM relationship going on between them, only twice has I ever used this couple in actual sex scenes and while they were probably among the most violent of my non-rape sex-scenes, there was never a point when it was implied that what was going on was anything other than consensual.

By contrast however, my stories often include scenes of sexual abuse and rape. In these instances however, the abuser is potraied as just that: an abuser, and the victim is suffering in actual mortal terror. It never would have occurred to me to suggest that this was in any way a BDSM relationship however.

It is possible that in my own writing I make these distinctions because two events in my personal life.

When I was 17, me and my best friend were cornered and attacked by a serial rapist. He unfortunately got away and was never caught, however, he was interrupted by a passer by and me and my friend we able to escape before he got a chance to do anything to us. The event however, terrified us. Had he not been chased away, own terror would probably have been much worse and longer lasting. I believe it was this event that causes me to write rape scenes in most of my stories, but it is also because of this event that I write them through the POV of a teenager victim, terrified of her attacker.

On the other hand, as I said BDSM, has shown up a couple of times in my stories, and I think that is because it has on occasion shown up in my own life. My own personal sex life, has always been with just one man, we have been together for 23 years and have a deep love and respect for one another. There was a time when he was interested in BDSM sex, it was short lived as he lost interest in BDSM sex after a few months, but during that time of our relationship, force and rape was his obsession, and I’ve never been one to shy away from new sexual experiences with him. He loved the idea of having a woman for a slave instead of a wife. It fit with the way our relationship already was, because he has “old fashioned” ideals about men being the head of the household and the woman obeying him without question, I’ve never had a problem with that set up, so adding BDSM sex to our already BDSM lifestyle was just the next step up. At his suggestion we tried it, but he did ask what I thought about it first, and had I said no, he would not have forced me to do anything I was not comfortable with. I mean, at no time did I ever feel I was threatened or not safe, with him. I think going into BDSM sex requires a huge amount of trust, way more than going into BDSM, esp on the part of the slave, because I really had to trust, that he wasn’t actually going to hurt me (you know what I mean.).

Another thing people outside the BDSM community do not consider is that it’s not all about sex. The sex part is what most outsiders hear about, it’s what the media focuses on, but sex is a very minor part of a full fledged Slave and Master lifestyle, and it’s possible to have a BDSM lifestyle that includes zero sex at all.

While BDSM sex was only a part of our relationship from the time I was 16 – 17, the BDSM lifestyle has been a very big part of our relationship. I suppose in the long run you could say our none-sexual relationship has a much stronger BDSM than our sexual relationship. He is very dominate and demand obedience in everything. I eat when I am told. I’ve never eaten at the table, nor do I ask to. I do not go shopping alone, I’m not allowed to. If I want to go someplace I have to get his permission first, and if he says NO, I can’t go. For example, I’ve done NaNoWriMo for 7 years now, but last year was the first year he gave me permission to attend the local Write-In meetings. This year, he said I could not go, and I went anyways, he punished me by locking me in my room for 7 days. He has now agreed to let me go to the remainder of the Write-Ins through October and November, but I have had to trade off other privileges to do so. I am 35 years old and I do not have a driver license, it is not allowed. I can not wear pants. I public I am not allowed to speak to anyone unless they direct a question to me and than I’m only allowed to answer quickly with yes or no and say nothing more. I am not allowed to talk to men at all, nor am I allowed to make eye contact with anyone. I will also point out that I was given to this man when I was 12 years old, and so my training as his slave started when I was young enough to be conditioned to obey him without question. My life with him is based on reward and punishment. If I disobey him, something I like is taken away, when I obey him, he is quick to buy me anything I ask for (he is very wealthy.)

My life with him has been described by some as a “gilded cage” and I suppose that is a very good way to put it. He can be described as my master and I his slave. I have never had any freedom, not once in my life have I ever had the option to choice to go somewhere or do something. I see girls on TV and movie (what few times I’m allowed to watch these which is not often) and I see girls leaving the house without a man with them and girls playing tennis with friends or girls going to eat out someplace or girls driving cars, or shopping for cloths or wearing make up or talking on phones….I see those things and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be able to do them, because I’ve never done them and I am not allowed too. He goes out and play tennis with his friends all the time every week, but I am not allowed to go with him and when I ask to come he goes into a rage and than refuses to speak to me for days. The silent treatment is the worst punishment of all, because he is the only person I am allowed to talk to, and if he stops talking to me I have no one at all, so I have learned to stop asking to be allowed to play tennis with him and his friends and I no longer ask to be allowed to go to the store with him. I accept the fact that I am not allowed to leave the house or have any friends other them him. I do not like it, but I accept it because the alternative is worse. That is the hard core reality of the BDSM lifestyle. I know, on the one hand it sounds cruel, cold, and depraved, but on the other hand, he is a kind and gentle man who would never physically harm me, and he will protect me from anything and any one. With him I know I am safe and protected, and I also know a lot of women could not say that about the man they are with.

All that said, I think the writers who call rape and abuse BDSM, are people who have never been in a BDSM relationship and are also people who have never had to deal with rape. Having dealt with both in my personal life, I believe has helped me to know the difference and not confuse one with the other in my stories.

But I agree, as you say, BDSM is always consensual, and no story should ever imply that it is anything otherwise; yes it can become violent, yes it can resemble rape, but the “victim/slave” is always willing, and what is happening never goes “too far” because the “abuser/master” will always stop if the “victim/slave” asks so.

Need help with NaNoWriMo?
Check out these:
The 13 Step Method
The Top 5 NaNoWriMo Tools
Creating Character Profiles
Voodoo Dolls for Writers
Those super soft extra fluffy scarfs I wear to Write-Ins

Want to network with me?
http://www.keen.com/EelKat
http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

This blog is part of: