Category Archives: authors

PLEASE . . . . somebody, anybody. . . . PLEASE HELP ME!

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They just now, just called again. Again demanding that I come into the the bishop’s office at the church tonight, again demanding that I meet with the Stake President. And again it has triggered a mass panic attack. It’s happening again. JUST LIKE BEFORE. I can’t stop shaking. My chest hurts and my lungs hurt. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type this. It’s like before. Only, I’m shaking a lot worse, it’s so bad my glasses keep falling off. I can’t stop shaking. I can’t breath.

It’s like before, like a panic attack, only really, really, really bad. Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is skaking all over I don’t know what to do.

Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake.

You can read more about this 31 year on going harassment at the following links:

Excommunication for publishing my 2008 NaNoWriMo Book – Update

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HELP! Any doctors out there? Medical advice?

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Health UPDATE – Stroke caused by panic attack triggered by LDS Church excommunication threats :(

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Still Planning on Doing NaNoWriMo this year in spite of recent health issues

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Eleven Days Til NaNoWriMo and Stroke Update

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My Aliens vs Your Demons – Yep – If I’m Crazy, What Are You???????

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Excommunication – 2008 NaNoWriMo book banned – Update – My Inbox if overloading – a mass reply going here

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REPOST: For Fear of Little Men: First Draft of my autobiography book to be published in 2010+/-

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Note – I have not been to the LDS/Mormon church in 13 years, and yet, they continue to harass me on an almost daily basis. :(

In 2004 I started writing “Faith Not Religion”, my infamous 900 page rant on why I left the Mormon church. It was during the two years where I just sat there doing nothing but writing that book that I finally realized for the first time in my life that I WASN’T evil, like so many bishop kept telling me! I wasn’t demon possessed, like so many bishop kept telling me . What I was, was a victim of 27 years of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of a bunch of crazy tyrants. While writing “Faith Not Religion” I learned quite a bit about myself. Among them I learned:
I’m tired of being told I’m a witch.
I’m tired of being told I’m evil.
I’m tired of being told I do the things I do because I’m possessed by a demon.
I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell.
I’m tired of being told I’m inferior because I’m a lowly female.
I’m tired of being told not to talk because that’s reserved for men.
I’m just plain tired of BEING TOLD.
Every one talks to me, no one ever talks with me.
I want freedom from BEING TOLD.
I wish, that there was someone who would actually treat me like I was a person. Like I was important. Like I mattered.
I’m tired of being harassed by these people.
I’m tired of it.
Putting up with the abuse all those years was killing me.
Them killing my pets was an evil act.
Them paintballing my car was an evil act.
Them throwing rocks at and blinding my horse, was an evil act.
Them burning my drawings in the woodstove was and evil act.
Them burning my manuscripts in the wood stove was an evil act.
Them saying I was evil was an evil act.
They were the ones who were evil, not me.
Not being allowed to get a job because I was a female, was an evil thing for them to do to me.
Them smashing my Liberace` records was an evil act.
Them stealing parts off of my car and leaving it in ruins was an evil act.
Them setting fire to my home and leaving me homeless was an evil act.

Please put an end to this before they cause my death. I don’t think I can live through another stroke. PLEASE HELP ME!. Please call the church at 607-9517 or 207-666-3481 and tell them to leave me alone (I find the 666 in their # ironic) Ask for Robert Taylor. He is the counselor in charge of handling phone calls to the Stake Presadent of the Augusta Maine Stake. Please. call him. PLEASE! Why won’t they leave me alone. I need them to leave me alone. Please make them leave me alone. I don’t know if I can live through many more of these stroke like attacks. I have one every time they call. Please make them stop calling me. Tell them to leave me a lone. Please help me. I can’t stop shaking. My whole body is shaking all over I don’t know what to do. Please some one help me.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Categories: About me · Biddeford · LDS · Life · Lifestyle · Maine · Maineland · Mormons · Mourning · Old Orchard · Old Orchard Beach · On the Beach · Persecution · Saints · The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints · Town of Old Orchard · Wendy C. Allen · York county · advice · authors helpers · book cencorship · boycotts · harasement · harasment · harassment · help · homeless · homelessness · human rights · laws · legal issues · legal issuses · life blogging · life on the streets · logic · make America the land of the free again · mean people · medical · medical advice · my thoughts on… · news · oob · pain · people · politics · poverty · random thoughts · real life · religion · religious leaders · religon · sleep · stolen items · stress · stroke · tent · terrorists · thieves · threats · world peace · writer · writer’s rights · writer’s voice · writing · writing lessons

Tagged: authors, Biddeford, book cencorship, church corruption, church leaders, evil, Family, For Fear of Little Men, harassment, Life, life blogging, Maine, my thoughts on…, Old Orchard Beach, religion, religious leaders, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Wendy C. Allen, Writing Life, York county

>Getting Ready for Script Frenzy 2010 – Anyone else?

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Getting Ready for 2010 – Anyone else?

I’m getting ready for next year. After missing 3 years in a row I’m determined to do it this year.

I know it’s only December 2009, but heck, it took me four months to figure out my NaNoWriMo plot, so why not spend four months plotting my Screnzy plot right?

Not enirely sure what I’m doing yet, but I do know this:

#1: I’m writing a stage play.
#2: It’ll most likely be horror.
#3: I will probably end up writing ten 10 min plays instead of one 100 min play.

Right now I’m thinking about doing one or more of these (all are horror):

Emmett: A scam artist traveling preacher takes shelter from a storm in a house haunted by were-cats. (Based on Civil War Slave Folk Tale)

The Artist: A prostitute is rescued from an attacker by a young artist named Jack (who does not know she’s a prostitute). Jack falls in love but gets his heart broken by the girl, than takes his art career to a whole new level when he becomes known as Jack the Ripper.

The Pearl Necklace: Shipwrecked on a deserted island, a young woman awake to find a strange string of pearls around her neck and an island that is not as deserted as it at first seemed. (Based on Scandinavian Legend).

InuGami: A faithful dog returns from the grave to avenge his mistress’s murder. (Based on Japanese Folk Tale).

The Hand: A boy lost in the forest discovers a dismembered hand which beckon him to follow it. (Not sure where it comes from, Scandinavian, I think.)

The Castle of Blood: Woman in the kingdom are mysteriously disappearing, all of them last seen in the company of the king. Three sisters set out to find out is happening. (Based on Blue Beard.) (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

Shiver: A retelling of “The Boy Who Left Home to Find Out About Fear”. (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

The Tailypoe: A hunter’s worst nightmares come true when the ghost of a wild cat he killed, comes back to get revenge. (Based on Civil War Slave Folk Tale)

The Juniper Tree: When famine strikes the kingdom, families send their children to safety in another country. Oddly, one family seems to have an unending supply of fresh meat. (Based on a German Folk Tale). (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

My goal, as it stands right now, is to rewrite each of these, the bloodiest and most gruesome of all the classic fairy tales, as a ten minute play, each just ten pages long.

And that’s what I’ll be doing for Script Frenzy 2010. What about you? Got any plans yet?

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

Getting Ready for Script Frenzy 2010 – Anyone else?

Getting Ready for 2010 – Anyone else?

I’m getting ready for next year. After missing 3 years in a row I’m determined to do it this year.

I know it’s only December 2009, but heck, it took me four months to figure out my NaNoWriMo plot, so why not spend four months plotting my Screnzy plot right?

Not enirely sure what I’m doing yet, but I do know this:

#1: I’m writing a stage play.
#2: It’ll most likely be horror.
#3: I will probably end up writing ten 10 min plays instead of one 100 min play.

Right now I’m thinking about doing one or more of these (all are horror):

Emmett: A scam artist traveling preacher takes shelter from a storm in a house haunted by were-cats. (Based on Civil War Slave Folk Tale)

The Artist: A prostitute is rescued from an attacker by a young artist named Jack (who does not know she’s a prostitute). Jack falls in love but gets his heart broken by the girl, than takes his art career to a whole new level when he becomes known as Jack the Ripper.

The Pearl Necklace: Shipwrecked on a deserted island, a young woman awake to find a strange string of pearls around her neck and an island that is not as deserted as it at first seemed. (Based on Scandinavian Legend).

InuGami: A faithful dog returns from the grave to avenge his mistress’s murder. (Based on Japanese Folk Tale).

The Hand: A boy lost in the forest discovers a dismembered hand which beckon him to follow it. (Not sure where it comes from, Scandinavian, I think.)

The Castle of Blood: Woman in the kingdom are mysteriously disappearing, all of them last seen in the company of the king. Three sisters set out to find out is happening. (Based on Blue Beard.) (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

Shiver: A retelling of “The Boy Who Left Home to Find Out About Fear”. (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

The Tailypoe: A hunter’s worst nightmares come true when the ghost of a wild cat he killed, comes back to get revenge. (Based on Civil War Slave Folk Tale)

The Juniper Tree: When famine strikes the kingdom, families send their children to safety in another country. Oddly, one family seems to have an unending supply of fresh meat. (Based on a German Folk Tale). (Brother’s Grimm Story Retold).

My goal, as it stands right now, is to rewrite each of these, the bloodiest and most gruesome of all the classic fairy tales, as a ten minute play, each just ten pages long.

And that’s what I’ll be doing for Script Frenzy 2010. What about you? Got any plans yet?

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

Script Frenzy RE: Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!

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RE: Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!

FrostPrincess
Posted
August 24, 2009 – 17:08

Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!
Well, seeing as how I’m 13, and my plot could be about something not really age-appropriate for me, I can’t ask my family for a title, so… Can anybody help me?? Here’s the plot:

When a rendezvous turns sour, a young French/German prostitute has to escape from her “buyer”. She runs into Jack Weller, a budding British artist who is trying to imprint his art on the world, and he learns that she is trying to get away, but doesn’t know why. He decides to let her come with him and they both leave on a train. (This takes place in 1870s) They both begin to fall slowly in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, Maria, the girl, doesn’t tell Jack that she’s a prostitute. She lies and says that the man she is running away from is her ex-husband (Or maybe just her husband..). Of course, I might change the plot to be more like:

She’s still a prostitute, but when she runs from the man, she first runs into Jack when he’s at an artist convention at the hotel she’s at. She happens to be dressed like a maid, so he thinks nothing of it. Then after managing to stay hidden from the man, she sees an add in the newspaper for a helper to an artist. She visits the address to discover that the artist is Jack. She’s familiar to him, but he doesn’t remember where from, so she lies and says she’s never met him.

He accepts her as his “apprentice” and they head off to another convention in England. As the man chases her at the train station, she lies to Jack and says that is her crazed ex-husband that she is trying to get away from.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I like the second one the best, but I need some advice on which to choose. I also need a title, as I advertised in the title. Any help?

My first thought was this:

prostitute + British guy named Jack + 1870′s + rendezvous gone bad = Jack the Ripper

So reading your plots, I thought – what if the guy she was running from wasn’t half as bad as the guy who was helping her? What if her Jack was Jack the Ripper? What if her new lover was a charming artist by day and prostitute killer by night? He’s falling in love with her, thinking she’s a “good girl”, but than he finds out she’s a prostitute and becomes enraged and now she’s trapped with him and has to escape him too before he kills her. Or what if, it’s BECAUSE he finds out that she’s a prostitute that he than gives up his art career and becomes Jack the Ripper and that’s the reason he only targets prostitutes?

WOW! I like that – I’ve always wanted to write a Jack the Ripper story, I may write that one out myself! LOL! I write horror, so, yeah, I read your romance plot and saw it as a horror plot. =P

ANYWAYS – the title I thought of was “The Artist”. Others “Train to My Heart”, “Love on the Run”, “Night Flight”.

Did they have art conventions in the 1870′s? and if so, would it have been at a hotel? I’ve no idea. I can’t say as I’ve ever heard of such a thing before.

I like the idea of having the whole story take place on the train. The opening scene is her running on to the train as is pulling out of the station, she’s not watching where she’s going or even thinking about what she’s doing and it’s a few moments before she even realizes that in her panic she jumped on to the train. She runs down to lane to hide from the conductor collecting tickets and runs into Jack, sending him and his attache of art supplies to the floor. Realizing she’s running from the conductor he quickly makes an excuse about having lost her ticket and buys one for her and that’s how she ends up joining him on the trip. Unknown to her, while this is going on, her attacker is running after the train, leaps and grabs the caboose ladder at the last second. . . . Wow. You’ve got a plot rolling in my head now. (Jack before he became The Ripper.) I must go write it down before I forget.

I’m probably not being very helpful to you, seeing how I took your plot and stuck a crazy serial killer in it. Oh well. I guess you can tell I like writing about serial killers.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

>Script Frenzy RE: Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!

>
black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

RE: Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!


FrostPrincess

Posted
August 24, 2009 – 17:08

 

Need a TITLE for my PLOT!!
Well, seeing as how I’m 13, and my plot could be about something not really age-appropriate for me, I can’t ask my family for a title, so… Can anybody help me?? Here’s the plot:

When a rendezvous turns sour, a young French/German prostitute has to escape from her “buyer”. She runs into Jack Weller, a budding British artist who is trying to imprint his art on the world, and he learns that she is trying to get away, but doesn’t know why. He decides to let her come with him and they both leave on a train. (This takes place in 1870s) They both begin to fall slowly in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, Maria, the girl, doesn’t tell Jack that she’s a prostitute. She lies and says that the man she is running away from is her ex-husband (Or maybe just her husband..). Of course, I might change the plot to be more like:

She’s still a prostitute, but when she runs from the man, she first runs into Jack when he’s at an artist convention at the hotel she’s at. She happens to be dressed like a maid, so he thinks nothing of it. Then after managing to stay hidden from the man, she sees an add in the newspaper for a helper to an artist. She visits the address to discover that the artist is Jack. She’s familiar to him, but he doesn’t remember where from, so she lies and says she’s never met him.

He accepts her as his “apprentice” and they head off to another convention in England. As the man chases her at the train station, she lies to Jack and says that is her crazed ex-husband that she is trying to get away from.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I like the second one the best, but I need some advice on which to choose. I also need a title, as I advertised in the title. Any help?

To the world, you are one person. To one person, you are the world.

My first thought was this:

prostitute + British guy named Jack + 1870′s + rendezvous gone bad = Jack the Ripper

So reading your plots, I thought – what if the guy she was running from wasn’t half as bad as the guy who was helping her? What if her Jack was Jack the Ripper? What if her new lover was a charming artist by day and prostitute killer by night? He’s falling in love with her, thinking she’s a “good girl”, but than he finds out she’s a prostitute and becomes enraged and now she’s trapped with him and has to escape him too before he kills her. Or what if, it’s BECAUSE he finds out that she’s a prostitute that he than gives up his art career and becomes Jack the Ripper and that’s the reason he only targets prostitutes?

WOW! I like that – I’ve always wanted to write a Jack the Ripper story, I may write that one out myself! LOL! I write horror, so, yeah, I read your romance plot and saw it as a horror plot. =P

ANYWAYS – the title I thought of was “The Artist”. Others “Train to My Heart”, “Love on the Run”, “Night Flight”.

Did they have art conventions in the 1870′s? and if so, would it have been at a hotel? I’ve no idea. I can’t say as I’ve ever heard of such a thing before.

I like the idea of having the whole story take place on the train. The opening scene is her running on to the train as is pulling out of the station, she’s not watching where she’s going or even thinking about what she’s doing and it’s a few moments before she even realizes that in her panic she jumped on to the train. She runs down to lane to hide from the conductor collecting tickets and runs into Jack, sending him and his attache of art supplies to the floor. Realizing she’s running from the conductor he quickly makes an excuse about having lost her ticket and buys one for her and that’s how she ends up joining him on the trip. Unknown to her, while this is going on, her attacker is running after the train, leaps and grabs the caboose ladder at the last second. . . . Wow. You’ve got a plot rolling in my head now. (Jack before he became The Ripper.) I must go write it down before I forget.

I’m probably not being very helpful to you, seeing how I took your plot and stuck a crazy serial killer in it. Oh well. I guess you can tell I like writing about serial killers.

Waiting for Emmett to come.

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com
http://eelkat.wordpress.com
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/132659
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/132659

NaNoWriMo RE: Anybody taking on a Big, Fun, Scary Blogging Project? (Plays and Script Frenzy)

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RE: Anybody taking on a Big, Fun, Scary Blogging Project?

ohmynoti
Anybody taking on a Big, Fun, Scary Blogging Project?
Winner!
51,942 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 17, 2006
Location: Sackville, New Brunswick
Posts: 88
Posted on:
Dec 11, 2009 – 16 34
I know I am!

I’m going to write 100 tiny plays in 2010.
Some Reasons:

-I’m a young playwright, and I need a lot of practice. (And after about 3 years working on my big pretentious magnum opus, I could use some tiny practice.)
-I’m trying to figure out how theatre can be more like music (without necessarily being “musical theatre”), so creating some song-sized theatre seems like a good place to begin.

Some Rules:

-I must post at least 1 play a week (and at least 2 most weeks, in order to meet the goal).
-Each play must be a self-contained entity. (If it is impossible for an outsider to grok, I fail.)
-The plays must be tiny. (We will use a sliding scale on this, but if one can’t be reasonably expected to read the play over breakfast, it’s a fail in the tiny department.)

Some Rights:

-I get to write plays that are not so good sometimes.
-I get to revisit characters and situations.
-I get to be as vulgar or as sentimental as I want.
-I get to make the occasional non-play post, provided a) it is about theatre, and b) it is not boring.

***
Anybody else apparently gone nuts in similar fashion?
———-

Great minds think alike! LOL!

Your goal is similar to one of mine. I posted my list on the stickied thread with lots of lists on one thread if you want to read my entire, huge long list. The list I posted doesn’t go into details though, it just lists off each thing I want to do this year. One of those things, was to “expand my playwright career”, I said I planned to write a bunch of “mini-plays” this year. But that’s all I said. I’ll expand on that now and explain what I plan to do.

I was thinking how, plays that are “too long” get boring and I don’t want to fall into the trap of writing boring plays. Than I started thinking how songs are able to tell an entire story in as little as four minutes, so why can’t a play do the same? So, I decided that I wanted to write an anthology of mini-plays this year – my goal was at least one anthology with at least ten, 10 minute plays.

Than, the more I started thinking about it, the farther I expanded my goal.

My next idea was to go one step farther and write several anthologies of 10-minute plays, each anthology being one a single theme. The themes I came up with so far are:

    Valentines Plays
    Easter Plays
    Halloween Plays
    Christmas Plays
    Princess Tales
    Brothers Grimm Retold
    Beach – Ocean – Under the Sea

I’ll think of more most likely but those are what I came up with so far.

I was than farther thinking of doing a set of 12 volumes – one for each month, and publishing those for the grade school market – for classroom plays for kids.

So, you can see I’m still working out just exactly what it is that I want to do, but my goal is basically the same as yours: to write several mini-plays through out the year.

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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Screnzy RE: Split play into 3 or persevere?

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lemonstar
Posted
September 20, 2009 – 04:32

Split play into 3 or persevere?
I’ve not written a play on this scale before and I think I may be too ambitious. I’m trying to sketch out a plot but I have three main ideas I want to include but it’s still very confusing to me exactly what I’m trying to do – I simply woke up one day with the idea that I wanted to write something. The 3 ideas centre around:- READ MORE…

I think they would work best individually. You got to remember that a play is limited to no more than 2 set changes (three sets and two 15 minute intermissions) and even that is rare. Most theaters prefer working with a play that needs only 2 sets, thus one scene change. Keeping in mind that for every scene change there has to be a 15 minute intermission, while the carpenters/stagehands move stuff around. And small regional theaters often require only one set through out the entire play (no scene changes at all).

Okay, so for me at least, reading your ideas, I can see too many multiple scene changes getting in the way of the flow of your story, if you try to put them all in one play. In a novel or a screenplay, that would not be a problem, but if you are planning a stage play, than yeah, create three different plays.

Or, you could make a “play set”. (I’m not sure what the proper word to call them is.) I’ve heard of playwrights doing that before. It’s where they write multiple plays, like one really big play, but each part is really it’s own play.

For instance, you have three ideas right? And you want them all one story. So, what you could do is write one play divided into 9 separate acts. So it would break down like this:

NAME OF PLAY

-PART I
——-Act 1
——-Act 2
——-Act 3

-PART II
——-Act 1
——-Act 2
——-Act 3

-PART III
——-Act 1
——-Act 2
——-Act 3

Than each of the three parts could be written so that each could stand on it’s own as a separate play, without the need to see the other two. But should a theater come along that had the budget to produce the whole thing in one (Broadway for example) all three parts would flow together as one big play as well.

You could break this down one step farther, by writing 9 separate 10 minute plays, each of which able to stand on it’s own, but when stung together produce one big 90 minute play. This is what a lot of playwrights seem to be doing the past few years. It allows the playwright to write a big multi scene play, while still allowing the theater to have the option of producing only one or two acts from it.

Anyways, that’s what I’d do if it was me. I’d go ahead and write one big play, but divide it into small parts that could each stand alone as it’s only mini play.

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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The Script Frenzy Plot Machine Outputs. Hilarity ensues . . .

I love playing with the Plot Machine. =P It’s so addicting. Some of the things it gives you are out right pee-your-pants funny. Here’s the ones it spit out at me tonight:

    In a world ruled by chickens, a group of Star Wars collectors, discovers the meaning of life.

    Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a marooned alien, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    In a land of radioactive unicorns, a hyperactive poodle, finds the Planet of the Apes.

    While falling from a covered bridge, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

    En route to a llama resort, a ticklish polar bear, discovers the meaning of life.

    After saying ‘I don’t’ at the altar, a flock of radioactive parrots, must kill the president to save the country.

    After being bitten by rabid penguins, a biker with a flat tire, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    After a disastrous safari, an amorous garden gnome, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

    After a tragic cooking accident, Zorro, joins a traveling band.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, a stoned principal, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    During a summer lightning storm, a bored serial killer, finds a lucky penny.

    After seven failed marriages, a talking blanket, starts to fight back.

    At a sci-fi convention, a screaming busker, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a poor lonely french fry, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

    While jogging naked, a mongoose and a white bear, invents the new Jazzercize.

    After a sex change, a near-sighted chemist, represents Earth in a Galaxy Hotties Contest.

    At a sci-fi convention, a group of aging superheroes, goes back to the beginning.

    After waking from a 100-year nap, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    After a nightmare, a hyper first-grade teacher, joins a group of undercover magicians.

    After crash-landing in the desert, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, invents the cure for a broken heart.

    Aided by a lucha libre champion, a sweaty giant, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    In an attempt to evade taxes, Zorro, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

    While dreaming about a dream, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, discovers the meaning of life.

    In a world where cats are currency, a German teenager, can be seen only by toddlers.

    Tired of endorsing golf products, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

    Tired of a monotonous day job, a talking blanket, discovers the Meaning of Life.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a talking lobster, finds a wish-granting mold.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a plain human being, finds the missing link.

    In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a dysfunctional self-help club, must kill the president to save the country.

    Unable to find true love, a life-long bachelor, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

    After a sex change, Richard Simmons, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

    After getting voted off American Idol, a left-handed guitar player, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

    Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, an assassin who kills with CDs, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    After waiting in line for a wii, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, gets trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    Dressed like Liberace, a goat with a parka on, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

    In the middle of the Autobahn, a talking lobster, discovers the meaning of life.

    In a remote jungle in Brazil, a hairstylist with a missing finger, invents a toaster that changes the world.

    After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, the smallest Ewok, must smuggle druids across the border

    Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    In a world where cats are currency, two blind mice, get revenge on a third grade teacher.

    While camping on the roof of the Sears Tower, a Red Hat Society infiltrator, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

    En route to a llama resort, a teen idol, learns to see in the dark.

    On a space station filled with mimes, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

    After crash-landing in the desert, a queen with one eyebrow, must smuggle druids across the border.

    While shopping for money, a poor lonely french fry, must smuggle druids across the border.

    In a rundown Villain’s Club, a superhero with no friends, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    Under cover of darkness, a unicycling banker, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    After getting lost underground, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, discovers the answer.

    While jogging naked, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

    Aided by a lucha libre champion, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, can only been seen by toddlers.

    After being bitten by rabid penguins, a left-handed guitar player, invents the cure for a broken heart.

    While picking cherries, a disgruntled Yeti, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

    Covered in marmalade, a lonely piggy bank, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    In a world where marriage is illegal, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

    At a sci-fi convention, a band of intergalactic spice traders, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    Tired of endorsing golf products, a horde of drunk musketeers, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

    In a world where no dreams are sweet, a ballerina with a gun, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese

    At the behest of a dying relative, a toddler with a smoking problem, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a disgruntled Yeti, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

    In a world where marriage is illegal, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, begins training for a life of pirate-hood.

    While shopping for money, a poor lonely French fry, finds a lost alien puppy.

    Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a band of urban cannibals, tries to break into pro Sumo wrestling.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a candy cane maker, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

    Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a suicidal stock analyst, must stop the space-time continuum.

    During the reign of robotic turkeys, a team of Olympic cloggers, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

    After anchoring the CBS news for decades, a teen idol, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

    In a world where cats are currency, a marooned alien, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

    After getting voted off American Idol, a biker with a flat tire, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    Halfway through the big to-do list, a dysfunctional self-help club, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

    Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a geek with a broken heart, is kept as a pet by hyper-intelligent dogs.

    After consuming a powerful laxative, a flock of radioactive parrots, starts to fight back.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a group of retired superheroes, shut down power to Walt Disney World.

    After a nightmare, a bored serial killer, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    On a lifelong quest for pixie dust, a ruthless gold digger, finds a lucky penny.

    Unable to find true love, an angry Italian chef, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

    At the corner of Broadway and Grand, a mute heckler, leaves it all behind.

    After escaping from prison, a ticklish polar bear, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    During surgery, Richard Simmons, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, joins a group of undercover magicians.

    In a town called Sandwich, a queen with one eyebrow, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

    While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a toddler with a smoking problem, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    After a harsh break-up, a talking lobster, receives the 11th commandment.

    During a summer lightning storm, a superhero with no friends, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

    Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a stoned principal, finds a lost alien puppy.

    After waiting in line for a Wii, a geek with a broken heart, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    After anchoring the CBS news for decades, a poetry-writing middle school teacher, leaves it all behind.

    Tired of a monotonous day job, a horde of drunk musketeers, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a traveling shoe salesman, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

    In a world where time moves backward, a suicidal stock analyst, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

    In a world ruled by earthworms, a narcoleptic bear, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

    After reading a coworker’s email, a poor lonely french fry, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    In the middle of the Autobahn, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

    While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a hamster with impulse-control problems, reinvents the wheel.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, a monarch named Walliump, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, must kill the president to save the country.

    While planning for tomorrow, a suicidal stock analyst, leaves it all behind.

    While stealing girl scout cookies, a hamster with impulse-control problems, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, the cast of Riverdance, begins training for a life of piratehood.

    Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a duck with a death-wish, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    After saying “I don’t” at the altar, Richard Simmons, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

    En route to a llama resort, a talking lobster, must open for Bjork.

    Unable to break into adult entertainment, a man named Tabbouleh, skydives without a parachute.

    Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a poor, lonely french fry, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    While planning for tomorrow, a disgruntled child actor, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, an amorous garden gnome, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

    While painting a fence, a left-handed guitar player, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    At a sci-fi convention, two blind mice, must stop the space-time continuum.

    After opening an urgent telegram, David Hasselhoff, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, a show-tunes singing linebacker, joins a traveling band.

    In a world where people age backwards, a unicycling banker, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

    While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    On a snowy day in Hawaii, a horde of drunk musketeers, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    While jogging naked, an amorous garden gnome, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

    With only a week left to live, a bike messenger with a death wish, finds a lucky penny.

    After a tragic cooking accident, a group of Star Wars collectors, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    In the middle of the Autobahn, a traveling Bible salesman, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    While lost in a wormhole, an out-of-work lion tamer, discovers the meaning of life.

    Deep in the sewers of Paris, a disgruntled child actor, takes control of a police station.

    Halfway through a cup of coffee, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

    After putting eyeglasses on for the first time, a toddler with a smoking problem, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

    After anchoring the CBS news for decades, an angry squirrel, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

    After putting eyeglasses on for the first time, a monarch named Walliump, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    With only a week left to live, a slug with a snail complex, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    In a world where cats are currency, an amorous garden gnome, can only been seen by toddlers.

    Unable to break into adult entertainment, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, befriend’s a young runaway with a secret.

    Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a hyper first-grade teacher, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a mongoose and a white bear, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    After opening an urgent telegram, a flock of radioactive parrots, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    After seven failed marriages, a lifelong bachelor, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, a 31-year-old masochist, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

    Tired of endorsing golf products, Zorro, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

    After consuming a powerful laxative, Richard Simmons, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    After shrinking to the size of a pea, a cartographer from the future, must smuggle druids across the border.

    On a snowy day in Hawaii, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, discovers the answer.

    After anchoring the CBS News for decades, a bounty hunter, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    With only a week left to live, a world-renowned yodeler, joins a traveling band.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, tries to break into pro Sumo wrestling.

    Unable to break into adult entertainment, a masked villain with no teeth, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

    While wishing upon a star, a duck with a death-wish, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

    Just after dark, an iguana juggler, learns to see in the dark.

    While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a blind jeweler, is trapped at a dead end.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    Under cover of darkness, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

    After eating some bad cheese, a pyromaniac firefighter, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    During the eyes of the storm, a merry band of woodland ninjas, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    Halfway through a cup of coffee, a hot-headed public defender, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, a superhero with no friends, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    In a world where marriage is illegal, a geek with a broken heart, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

    Unable to break into adult entertainment, a flock of radioactive parrots, takes control of a police station.

    In the back of a pickup truck, Richard Simmons, must smuggle druids across the border.

    At the corner of Broadway and Grand, Zorro, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

    During surgery, a Parisian fishmonger, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    At the behest of a dying relative, an obese triathlete, invents a toaster that changes the world.

    After making purple taffy, a band of urban cannibals, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    After opening an urgent telegram, a frightened rabbit, tries to build a bridge over the rainbow.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a blind jeweler, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    After consuming a powerful laxative, a fed up lab mouse, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a ruthless gold digger, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    Deep in the sewers of Paris, David Hasselhoff, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

    Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a stoned principal, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

    After anchoring the CBS news for decades ,a spelling-challenged writer ,sets out to shave a sasquatch.

    In the back of a pickup truck, a traveling Bible salesman, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

    Battling a Red Bull addiction, a hot-headed public defender, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

    During a parent-teacher riot, a masked villain with no teeth, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    While playing Guitar Hero, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, a horde of drunk musketeers, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a DJ with Tourette’s, becomes possessed by Beethoven.

    While jogging naked, an obese triathlete, buys an unreliable time machine.

    While searching for a working pen, a poetry-writing middle school teacher joins a group of undercover magicians.

    After anchoring the CBS news for decades, an enormous grasshopper, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    After a nightmare, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

    While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

    Covered in marmalade, a god of the underworld, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

    After falling out of love, a merry band of woodland ninjas, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

    After a sex change, a biker with a flat tire, can only been seen by toddlers.

    In a remote jungle in Brazil, a blackjack dealer, finds a lucky penny.

    In a rundown Villains Club, a hot-headed public defender, begins training for a life of piratehood.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a Chilean heavy metal band, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

    Covered in marmalade, a tightrope walker with a fear of heights, fights a saint in a dark alley.

    Battling a Red Bull addiction, a plain human being, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    While on an African Safari, a marooned alien, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

    After a tragic cooking accident, a ruthless gold digger, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

    While searching for a working pen, a band of intergalactic spice traders, finds a wish-granting mold.

    In a world ruled by children, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    During the eye of the storm, a quiet mapmaker, begins training for a life of piratehood.

    After a painful sneeze, a god of the underworld, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

    Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, a glowworm with the flu, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

    After waking from a 100-year nap, a candy cane maker, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

    While looking for a lost sock, a ballerina with a gun, learns to see in the dark.

    In a world ruled by chickens, a hooker with a heart of gold, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, a bored serial killer, gets drunk with a stranger.

    After a nightmare, a flock of radioactive parrots, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    While planning for tomorrow, a lonely piggy bank, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    Under cover of darkness, an iguana juggler, begins training for a life of piratehood.

    In a post-apocalyptic Peru, a geek with a broken heart, is mistaken for John Lennon and goes with it.

    After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, a group of Tuvan throat singers, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

    Unable to have children, a mongoose and a white bear, track down a renegade leprechaun

    After being bitten by rabid penguins, a kangaroo breeder, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    Just after dark, a midwestern scrapbooking club, finds a wish-granting mold.

    In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a feuding polka band, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    After consuming a powerful laxative, an angry Italian chef, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

    While hanging from a ledge, a band of intergalactic spice traders, finds a lost alien puppy.

    After getting lost underground, a god of the underworld, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    While jogging naked, an undead soccer team, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    After saying “I don’t” at the alter, an obese triathlon athlete, tries to break into Sumo wrestling.

    In a secret city beneath the Potomac, a llama princess, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    While scavenging for zipper parts, a Chilean heavy metal band, takes control of a police station.

    After a disastrous safari, a queen with one eyebrow, sets out to shave sasquatch.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a band of intergalactic spice traders, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    While wishing upon a star, a sweaty giant, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    After shrinking to the size of a pea, a sun-worshiping albino, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

    After getting voted off American Idol, a sun-worshipping albino, is trapped at a dead end.

    After a painful sneeze, a glowworm with the flu, invents a toaster that changes the world.

    While scavenging for zipper parts, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, leaves it all behind.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, a bounty hunter, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    After making purple taffy, a bounty hunter, discovers the answer.

    While falling from a covered bridge, a failing college student, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

    Dressed like Liberace, a hyper first-grade teacher, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

    Halfway through a cup of coffee, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, finds a wish-granting mold.

    After a heart attack, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, finds a wish-granting mold.

    While jogging naked, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    While sketching an alter ego, a frightened rabbit, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    Unable to break into adult entertainment, an angry squirrel, buys an unreliable time machine.

    At the behest of a dying relative, a hairstylist with a missing finger, switches suitcases with a Mafia hitman.

    Deep in the jungle, a talking lobster, is given the 11th Commandment.

    En route to a llama resort, an out-of-work lion tamer, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    After waking from a 100-year nap, a god of the underworld, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

    While at a super bowl party, a DJ with Tourette’s, invents the cure for a broken heart.

    While hanging from a ledge, a god of the underworld, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a dysfunctional self-help group, tries to win the Tour de France.

    After a harsh breakup, a poor lonely French fry, can only be seen by toddlers.

    In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a one-armed fencing champion, starts to fight back.

    In an attempt to evade taxes, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

    While painting a fence, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

    While searching for a working pen, a unicycling banker, must smuggle druids across the border.

    In a world ruled by children, a man named Tabbouleh, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

    After eating some bad cheese, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

    During a rave, a traveling Bible salesman, must avenge the murder of an old flame.

    After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a pyromaniac, firefighter learns to see in the dark.

    After getting voted off American Idol, an iguana juggler, finds a lost alien puppy.

    While searching for a working pen, a spelling-challenged writer, discovers the answer.

    While falling from a covered bridge, a guilty judge, joins a group of undercover magicians.

    After a lifetime of pie making, an undead soccer team, receives dating advice from the afterlife.

    After being bitten by rabid penguins, a 31-year-old masochist, finds a lucky penny.

    While looking for a lost sock, a blind jeweler, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    Awakened from a 1000 year sleep, a bored serial killer, must stop the space-time continuum.

    After shrinking to the size of a pea, a superhero with no friends, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    After shrinking to the size of a pea, a marooned alien, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a 31 year old masochist, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    In a world where cats are currency, an assassin who kills with CDs, fights a saint in a dark alley.

    In a world where no dreams are sweet, a hooker with a heart of gold, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a guilty judge, finds a new use for belly buttons.

    Awakened from a 1000 year sleep, a ballerina with a gun, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    While painting a fence, Zorro, invents the new Jazzercize.

    Covered in marmalade, a sweaty giant, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

    At the behest of a dying relative, a fed up lab mouse, discovers the meaning of life.

    In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a blind jeweler, finds a new use for the belly button.

    In a world where people age backwards, a landlocked seagull, buys an unreliable time machine.

    In a world where cats are currency, a bike messenger with a death wish, invents a toaster that changes the world.

    After escaping from prison, a high school security guard, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

    Under cover of darkness, a plain human being, reinvents the wheel.

    In a world where no dreams are sweet, a cartographer from the future, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

    Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, the smallest Ewok, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

    In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a talking blanket, finds and rears abandoned adult triplets.

    Tired of endorsing golf products, a glowworm with the flu, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    In a remote jungle in Brazil, a high school security guard, finds a lucky penny.

    While on a shopping spree, a near-sighted chemist, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

    Fleeing from an angry mob, a spelling-challenged writer, reinvents the wheel.

    While sketching an alter ego, a band of urban cannibals, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    In a world where people age backwards, a god of the underworld, finds and rears adult triplets.

    Under cover of darkness, a geek with a broken heart, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a stoned principal, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    On a space station filled with mimes, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, takes control of a police station.

    While jogging naked, a robot with ADD, buys an unreliable time machine.

    During an out of body experience, a cartographer from the future, starts to fight back.

    Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, an angry squirrel, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

    Fleeing from an angry mob, an out-of-work lion tamer, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a spelling-challenged writer, must kill the president to save the country.

    While hanging from a ledge, a talking lobster, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

    While sketching an alter ego, a traveling shoe salesman, must stop the space-time continuum.

    In a world ruled by chickens, a falcon with a broken wing, starts to fight back.

    After a lifetime of pie-making, the cast of Riverdance, finds a lucky penny.

    After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a fed up lab mouse, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

    While camping on the roof of the Sears Tower, a one-armed fencing champion, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

    In a run down Villains club, a merry band of woodland ninjas, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

    While painting a fence, a group of Star Wars collectors, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    While camping on the roof of Sears Tower, a bike messenger with a deathwish, switches suitcases with a Mafia hitman.

    Tired of endorsing golf products, a slug with a snail complex, gets lost in an ancient cheese maze.

    In a world where sleep must be paid for, a 31-year-old masochist discovers the meaning of life.

    Battling a Red Bull addiction, a showtunes- singing linebacker, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, a slug with a snail complex, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

    After crash-landing in the desert, a hyper first-grade teacher, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    While wishing upon a star, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

    While dreaming about a dream, an obsessive copy editor, can only been seen by toddlers.

    After eating some bad cheese, an angry Italian chef, injests a phermone that attracts weasels.

    While wishing upon a star, a Midwestern scrapbooking club, stows away on an alien spaceship.

    After a nightmare, a hyper first-grade teacher, joins a group of undercover magicians.

    Halfway through a cup of coffee, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, is trapped at a dead-end.

    During a summer lightning storm, a duck with a death-wish, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    After putting on eyeglasses for the first time, a hairstylist with a missing finger, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

    After shrinking to the size of a pea, a biker with a flat tire, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

    On the planet Zorbot, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

    After making purple taffy, a traveling Bible salesman, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

    With only a week left to live, a German teenager, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

    In a world where time moves backward, a bike messenger with a death wish fights a gang of marching band drummers.

    After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a left-handed guitar, player starts to fight back.

    During a rave, a DJ with Tourette’s, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

    Where reality and fantasy intersect, a teen idol, must kill the president to save the country.

    In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a talking blanket, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

    Battling with a Red Bull addiction, a toddler with a smoking problem takes control of a police station.

    While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a goat with a parka, on discovers the meaning of life.

    While dreaming about a dream, an obsessive copy editor, can only been seen by toddlers.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a monarch named Walliump, receives dating advice from the afterlife.

    After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a robot with ADD, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

    After opening an urgent telegram, an environmentalist with a Hummer, invents the cure for a broken heart.

    On a space station filled with mimes, a failing college student, finds a lost alien puppy.

    While searching for a working pen, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, gets lost in an ancient cheese maze.

    While lost in a department store, a plain human being, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

    After crash-landing in the desert, a sentient alien sock puppet, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

    While painting a fence, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

    While drowning in the Caspian Sea, a monarch named Walliump, receives the 11th commandment.

    While stealing girl scout cookies, a ill-mannered Turkish diplomat, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

    In a town called Sandwich, a god of the underworld, gets stuck at the beginning of time.

    While hanging from a ledge, a talking lobster, invents a toaster that changes the world.

    En route to a llama resort, a narcoleptic bear, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

    In an attempt to evade taxes, a hunky dimwitted pool boy, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

    In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a man named Tabbouleh, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

    While lost in the middle of nowhere, a duck with a death-wish, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

    In the back of a pickup truck, an enormous grasshopper, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

    While camping on the roof of the Sears tower, Orville Redenbacher, receives the 11th commandment.

    Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, attempts to win the Tour de France.

    While scavenging for zipper parts, a superhero with no friends, discovers the answer.

    After waking from a 100-year nap, a poetry-writing middle school teacher, finds a new use for belly buttons.

    Forced to wear a grass skirt, a tone-deaf opera singer, reinvents the wheel.

    Framed for murdering the prime minister, a merry band of woodland ninjas, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

    Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a band of urban cannibals, discovers the meaning of life.

    In a world ruled by children, a stoned principal, finds the missing link.

    On a lifelong quest for pixie dust, an angry Italian chef, takes control of a police station.

    After getting lost underground, a poor lonely french fry, joins a traveling band.

    In a world ruled by chickens, a near-sighted chemist, receives the 11th commandment.

    In a rundown Villains Club, a masked villain with no teeth, discovers the meaning of life.

    Fleeing from an angry mob, an iguana juggler, finds a new use for belly buttons.

    Fleeing from an angry mob, a band of urban cannibals, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

    While eavesdropping, a hawk with a broken wing, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

    Deep in the sewers of Paris, an undead soccer team, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

    In the middle of the Autobahn, a landlocked seagull, fights a gang of marching band drummers.

    Just after dark, an assassin who kills with CDs, leaves it all behind.

    After being bitten by rabid penguins, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, skydives without a parachute.

    In an attempt to evade taxes, a suicidal stock analyst, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

    After winning $1,042 on a radio show, a group of retired superheroes, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

    While drowning in the Caspian Sea, a group of retired superheroes, fights a gang of marching band drummers.

    While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a talking lobster, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

    On the planet Zorbot, a sidekick named Hero, fights a saint in a dark alley.

    At a sci-fi convention, a stoned principal, plans a campout in a haunted bayo.

    While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a left-handed guitar player, learns to see in the dark.

WOW! Some of those sound like script material for a Jerry Springer episode! LOL! I can just imagine people reading/watching these and chanting “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!”

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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NaNoWriMo RE: Awkward “Can I read your novel?” requests

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BookeaterOdessa
Awkward “Can I read your novel?” requests
Winner!
50,249 / 50,000
Official Participant
Joined: Oct 27, 2009
Posts: 48
Posted on:
Dec 9, 2009 – 21 20
-A friend that has an unstable character based off of her.
-My father
- A friend of the family
I have no idea why these people are suddenly so interested in my writing. My father reading my writing weirds me out so much for some reason. Maybe because my MC’s father is conspicuous by his absence? Maybe because there’s a whole chapter about female undergarments, things my old school father would never take me shopping for, not even as a child? Also, since I’m writing some pretty messed up Lit.Fic., I don’t want everyone to think I’m mentally unstable.
Similar worries/conflicts?
———-
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” Oscar Wilde
http://thebookeaterblog.blogspot.com

I’ve never let any one read my *smut* novels, EVER. I come from a super religious family/community and so all my friends, family, relatives are all super Christian and go into spasms if you even mention the word *sex* and not a one of any of them ever told any of their kids anything about *that dirty thing* (they can’t say the word sex for some reason). Than you got me, who writes graphic sex scenes. o_O

When I was 14 years old, my bishop got a hold of one of my earlier (and much milder) smut manuscripts, and called the state mental institute (insane asylum) to have me committed. Apparently his hysterics over the phone had them thinking I was some sort of deranged criminal and the next Sunday I arrived at church to be greeted by *men in white coats*.

I had no idea what the hell was going on, who these guys were, or why they were talking about having me locked up. An hour later though, they left the church shaking their heads and commenting that they were seriously questioning the bishops sanity. The doctor that was with them, after talking to both me and the bishop, came to the conclusion that I was just a normal kid and that our bishop needed some serious help to deal with his paranoia. (Years later, I found out I was not the only person the bishop had done something like this with, and that 2 years after that incident the church took away his title of bishop, due to question of his sanity. Uhm, I guess he ended up being sent to a psychiatrist to find out what was making him act like that, because later, we found out that he had extreme paranoid schizophrenia.) Talk about over reacting! OMG!

Of course, that was a long time ago (I’m not exactly young any more.) And back than all it took was a snap of the fingers and a phone call to the local insane asylum to lock a person up. Today. Well, today you’d be hard pressed to find a town that even had a local asylum now! LOL!

Than years later, in 2008, my mom got a hold of my NaNovel and sent a copy of it to the current bishop. Now I’m going through a de ja vue all over again. This bishop is threatening to have me excommunicated because I actually had my 2008 NaNovel published. *sheesh* I haven’t heard anything about it since the book got published though, so it seems that those above him in the church are not so keen on my excommunication as the bishop is. Okay, when I was a teenager it was one thing, but come on people, I’m older than half the current church leaders are now! And it’s been 13 years since I last went to that church. I didn’t even know who the bishop was when he called me! LOL! I think we got another paranoid bishop on our hands here. :)

I find the whole thing hilarious, the fact that these people are so very extremely old school that they make the Amish look futuristic. OMG! And it’s not like our church teaches them to act like that either, because it doesn’t. It’s just something that a lot of locals for whatever reason picked up on an obsess over. (This fear of sex and anything to do with sex and books that mention sex.) Can any one say religious nuts? How do people get like this?

In recent years, (well, I stopped going to that church 13 years ago, if you can call that recent years), I’ve started spending less time with them and more time with people not connected with our church, and I found out something – most of the non-member locals think of the church I grew up in as being a freaky cult. And, I got to say I’m starting to agree with that theory.

But yeah, once bitten twice shy, and since that incident in my teens, I’ve never let any one read my “smut” stories since.

Now, my regular stuff – the ones with no sex in them – I let people read those with no problem. I wonder, if my bishop had not had that freak out fit back when I was a teenager, if I would still avoid letting people read the smutty stuff or not? I mean, I was only 14, and it was my first time writing anything like that, and well, you got to admit, my bishop did go WAY overboard in his over reacting. (To this day, I never did figure out how he got a hold of my manuscript. That remains a mystery.) So, yeah, I guess it really did effect me pretty bad, because it was that incident that caused me to develop my later phobias of doctors and eventually resulted in my becoming Agoraphobic as an adult. A problem which I am now trying to overcome.

So, yeah, people who are strict are going to think you mentally unstable for writing something that does not fit in with their personal moral codes. However, know that even if you do run up against a super fanatic (like my former bishop) the mental health practitioners are going to think the one who complained about your book is nuts, not you. And you want to know why? Because as an author, you know that what you are writing is fiction, not real. But the person freaking out, is freaking out, because they are not able to separate the real whole from the fictional one. Doctors know that the one freaking out over the book, and not the one who wrote the book, is mentally unstable. So, you’ve nothing to worry about, because if any one does complain, they’ll be the ones that get locked up as crazy – not you. I’m sorry to say, I know this from personal experience.

But, no, you are not alone. Freaky family members and friends and relatives and friends of theirs are every where and yep, every once in a while you’ll find one that blows their top and does a major freakazoid over what you wrote. Just remember that being a control freak is a form of communism and communism is illegal in the USA. They have no legal right to stop you from writing whatever you what.

Remember: freedom of speech and freedom of press, and no one has the right to take that away from you. NO ONE – not even your parents, not even if you are a minor. You can write whatever you want and no one can legally stop you and no one can use a work of fiction against you as proof of mental instability either.

If they start getting on your case about it – “just let them rave on that men may know them mad.” (Yul Brynner) Any one who freaks out enough to freak out in front of others is only going to prove themselves less sane than you. LOL!

Think of it like this:

    YOU: But its just a book. THEM: But YOU wrote it! YOU: So? THEM: So YOU wrote that, that. . .THAT! YOU: Yeah. So? THIRD PERSON: What’s his problem? YOU: I wrote a book. He doesn’t like it. THIRD PERSON: So? YOU: He says I’m crazy and should be locked up for writing it. THIRD PERSON: He’s reacting like THAT and he thinks YOUR crazy? It’s just a dumb book. Man, that dude is nuts! YOU: Yeah, I know. Freaky isn’t it? Like, he thinks it’s real or something.

See? You the author is going to be the one sounding sane. And the relative freaking out over your book is going to come off sounding like a raving lunatic.

Ignore them. Laugh at them. Write another book and give them yet another thing to freak out about. Publish both books. Make a ton of money. Become famous. Than when they show up at your book signing you can say: “See? I told you I wasn’t crazy.”

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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Script Frenzy RE: What am I doing?

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In responce to: RE: What am I doing?

Script writing is pretty easy. FAR easier than novel writing actually, because it is straight up dialog and zero descriptions. Pretty much all you need to do is have two characters talk to each other for a while, have a third character wander in and talk to them. Have a few other characters stroll in and say a few things every now and again.

All you got to do is keep them talking. And if you can’t think of anything for them to talk about, drop a dead body on the stage. Nothing gets your characters gossiping faster than a dead body. They’ll all start speculating who the killer was and start blaming each other and having arguments in no time flat. And if the dead guy is a total stranger, than they’ll really get going, not only trying to figure out which of them killed him, but trying to figure out who he is besides! LOL!

And remember – “It was a dark and stormy night” may be cliche, but it’ll get character conversations going. They’ll sit around complaining that it’s too dark or too wet to go outside, they’ll talk about what they would be doing if it was sunny, they’ll talk about how in their childhood they loved to play outside in the rain, and they’ll be reminded of other wet stormy days to talk about too!

Writing a script is all about keeping your characters talking their fool heads off. So, yeah, unless you are one of those writers who really loves writing long descriptions (like Stephen King, JKRowlins, and Tolkien all do) script writing is by far easier than novel writing.

Another thing is, 100 pages really go by really fast, because of the format of the script. There is an empty line between every character and what they say. So, yeah, once you start writing you’ll see just how fast you go through pages.

Format is nothing to worry about. Basic format can be quickly adapted to any other format when you edit your draft, so it’s best to just write basic format in your first draft, and that’s a piece of cake.

The basic general format of a script is this:

    DAVE:
    (walks into room)

    MARSHA! What are you doing here?

    MARSHA:
    (slaps DAVE on face)

    I know about you and that hussy.

    (throws wedding ring on floor)

    We are through! I want a divorce!

    :CAMERA: Close up on DAVE’s face.

    DAVE:
    (stares speechlessly)

And that’s about it. A stage or radio script wouldn’t have the camera focus points, but TV, movie, and comic book scripts all do. Did you see the descriptions? Yeah. THAT’S what descriptions actually look like on a script.

The first thing you need to remember during Script Frenzy is this: Dialog.

Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.

and oh, look at that . . . more dialog!

Like I said, script writing is pretty easy. It’s basically: open your mouth, say something, write it down. There is no need to worry about describing what things look like, how things work, what your characters look like, or what your characters are wearing.

All you have to do, is keep your characters talking, because a script is just that: a script. (Some thing you say.)

So as long as you can keep your characters talking to each other, you’ll have no problems at all.

If you are not good at writing dialog, than you will have a tough time at script writing, because script writing it straight up, no stop dialog. Nothing but dialog. Dialog and ONLY dialog. Dialog here. Dialog there. Not a word of description in sight. Just lots and lots of dialog.

There is no prose in script writing.

There is no narration in script writing.

There are no long descriptions of scenery in script writing.

There are no mention of what characters are wearing in script writing.

There is no pretty and plentiful purple prose in script writing.

Script writing is dialog. Only dialog. Nothing but dialog. Dialog and nothing else. Period.

Script writing will do wonders at teaching you how to cut out adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, and pretty much every thing else you would use when writing a novel, as you won’t be using those much if you use any at all.

But yeah, you guys have absolutely nothing to worry about. NaNo is by far much, much harder to do than Screnzy is, so if you can survive a month of NaNo you can survive a month of Screnzy.

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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Script Frenzy RE: Dirty tricks

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RE: Dirty tricks

@@revallyson http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/user/470121

    [quote=revallyson]But I admit, I find myself asking, if you're cheating, why bother playing? There's no major prize for getting to 100 pages, and I know that I would feel like dirt if I submitted an empty pdf and claimed it was 100 pages.
    [/quote]

Did you read ALL of that person’s post? I think not. She didn’t say she was submitting a blank PDF as a way of cheating. She said that she was writing her play out longhand in a notebook and needed someone to make a blank PDF of her finished page count for her, so she could submit her longhand script. That is NOT cheating. She still wrote the script.

    [quote=revallyson]As to fonts and spacing and such, you can't really "cheat" with those. A proper script has special formatting, and if it isn't in the correct format then it shouldn't be handed in. Since the format includes font size and type, page size, margins, etc., it's almost impossible to "cheat" the counter.
    [/quote]

Yes, I agree with you there. And not all scripts are created equal either. For instance, the format for a TV Soap Opera is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the format for a stage play, and let’s not even get started on comic book scripts, because not only do they look NOTHING like any other type of script, but each company has their own format!

I write for small stage (school/college/local) and for comic books (Disney) so, my own script writing style leans heavy in those areas.

First off, a lot depends on the type of script you are writing. Not all scripts are created equal. The basic types of scripts are:

    Movie Scripts

    TV Scripts

    Radio Scripts: DJ/Talk Show, News Broadcast, or Live Show/Play

    News Report Scripts

    Animation Scripts

    Talk Show Scripts

    Musical Scripts

    Stage Play Scripts

    Advertisement Scripts

    Comic Book Scripts

Each of those is different and each is written in it’s own unique formate and style, and depending on the one you plan to write, you’ll will have to use a completely different style and format. So a person who writes movie scripts may be lost when it comes to attempting to write a comic book script or vise versa.

So, the first thing you need to figure out is: What type of script do you want to write?

To answer that, ask yourself, where do you see your script being published? Here are so things to think about before starting your script:

    Will it be a meteorologist’s report on the latest storm read on the nightly news or will it be the next episode of Pokemon?

    Are you writing hoping to be accepted by BBC for the next season of Doctor Who or are you writing a play for your local collage drama troupe?

    Do you want to write the words Oprah will say in her next show or would you rather write the next episode of Days of Our Lives?

    Are you writing a script for The Price is Right or are you going to write the next big screen movie Johnny Depp will star in?

    Is your script the next Broadway hit or a modern day remake of the Orson Wells War of the Worlds Radio Broadcast?

    Are you writing the next local cable advertisement of Jolly John’s Used Cars or the national broadcast of McDonald’s new flavor milk shake?

    Do you want to write a comic book? If so, will it be for Marvel or DC or Dark Horse or Disney? Did you know that each of the four comic book giants has their own specified script format, each extremely different from the other three and that none will look at an incorrectly formated script no matter how well written?

Before you can start asking for advice on how to write and format your script, you first have to determine, what exactly your script is going to be, and than you need to direct your questions to a script writer who writes the same type of scripts you plan to write.

For Script Frenzy, it is safe to assume that you are planing either a movie, tv show, comic book, or stage play script, as 99% of the scripts written during Screnzy are one of those.

But I was astounded, reading folks “cheats” here and noting that a lot of you are talking about adding lengthy descriptions. I have to step back and ask you guys: Uhm . . . have you ever, like, actually read a script before? You know, a REAL script, the one the directors and actors read, not that pimped up stuff English teachers have you reading in paperback, but a a REAL authentic actual script.

Yeah, I guessing for about 90% of the posters on this thread the answer is a big fat “NO”. And I’ll tell you what triggered that thought for me. The answer is one word: DIALOG.

The first thing you need to remember during Script Frenzy is this: Dialog.

Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.
Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog. Dialog.

and oh, look at that . . . more dialog!

If you are not good at writing dialog, than you will have a tough time at script writing, because script writing it straight up, no stop dialog. Nothing but dialog. Dialog and ONLY dialog. Dialog here. Dialog there. Not a word of description in sight. Just lots and lots of dialog.

There is no prose in script writing.

There is no narration in script writing.

There are no long descriptions of scenery in script writing.

There are no mention of what characters are wearing in script writing.

There is no pretty and plentiful purple prose in script writing.

Script writing is dialog. Only dialog. Nothing but dialog. Dialog and nothing else. Period.

Script writing will do wonders at teaching you how to cut out adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, and pretty much every thing else you would use when writing a novel, as you won’t be using those much if you use any at all.

The basic general format of a script is this:

    DAVE:
    (walks into room)

    MARSHA! What are you doing here?

    MARSHA:
    (slaps DAVE on face)

    I know about you and that hussy.

    (throws wedding ring on floor)

    We are through! I want a divorce!

    :CAMERA: Close up on DAVE’s face.

    DAVE:
    (stares speechlessly)

And that’s about it. A stage or radio script wouldn’t have the camera focus points, but TV, movie, and comic book scripts all do. Did you see the descriptions? Yeah. THAT’S what descriptions actually look like on a script.

The only time in the script where you see any descriptions, is in the BEGINNING of the script BEFORE the script starts. In the section where every thing is listed.
Cast List, Setting Notes, Playwright’s Notes, etc.

The list of characters/cast will tell the basics:

    JANE is a young woman late twenties to early thirties. She is homeless and so wears a mix and match of ragged cloths she found in people’s trash. She wasn’t always homeless, she used to be an average housewife, but a massive flood took that all away. Her family died in the flood. Her house was washed away. She has nothing left and has given up on life.

    STAN is a college professor. He is ten or twelve years older than JANE. He remembers her before the flood. He loved her than and he still loves her now. He wants to find a way to show JANE life is still worth living.

That is what a typical character list looks like.

Notice the age range is given, not the exact age? This allows for a range of actors to play the part.

Notice no hair/eye/skin colors are mentioned? This allows more actors to play the part.

Notice how costume descriptions are limited and only generalized at? This allows theaters to work from what they have and helps their budget by not demanding a whole new wardrobe that can only be used in a single play.

The only type of script that DOES have detailed descriptions of character’s physical appearance and costume, is the comic book script. Radio, stage, TV, and movie scripts, do not have them.

The setting notes will tell the basics:

    This story takes place in a small fishing village on the coast of Maine.

    ACT ONE takes place outside, late evening, on the dock. LOU has just returned from a week long deep sea fishing job. STEVE and JENNY were there to meet him.

    ACT TWO takes place in the front parlor of STEVE’s home which has a window over looking the shore. It is late at night. LOU sits in a rocking chair smoking his pipe and reminiscing about his young days as a sailor. STEVE listens while standing looking out the window. Every one else has gone to bed already.

    ACT THREE takes place early morning, on the shore. STEVE and JENNY are watching as LOU sails away once again.

Do you see a pattern here? Like the CAST LIST the SETTING DESCRIPTION is sparse and left open to the interpretation of the director and the producer and their budget.

I’m going to quote something I posted a while back on Script Frenzy:

    I’d say it depends on the play write’s personal style as well as the style of the play in question. I think of stage direction in a play, like the choreography in a ballet. If every player knows where to be when and what to do at what moment, than you don’t have characters falling over each other and messing up the play.

    For example a one person play may not need any directions at all, simply relying fully on the actor’s personal movements as he speaks. With only one or two actors on stage, the play would be more open to actor interpretation. Two actors could guess each others movements and act accordingly.

    Whereas a full two hour production with intricate (setting, lighting, costume, etc) details, and 20 or 30 actors on stage at the same time, would need quite a bit of stage direction to prevent it from turning into utter chaos. I mean, if you have 20 actors on stage, each one “doing his own thing” when it comes to interpretation, you’d have nothing but a huge uncoordinated mess.

    So, when I’m writing a play, my personal style is: the bigger the production, the more detailed the stage directions need to be, while the smaller production can go with little or even no stage directions.

So in the end, what it boils down to is this: “Cheating” by adding descriptions and creating “unique” formates, is not going to get you any where in the business of script writing. Now if you are just writing a script for the heck of it and no one but your family and friends will ever read it, than, it doesn’t matter what you do.

HOWEVER, if you are planning on making a career of being a playwright, a comic writer, a screen writer, etc, than knowing the guidelines and following the rules now, will save you a lot of time, heart ache and unnecessary revisions later on.

In other words, it is unwise to add lots of long detailed descriptions, because you will only have to delete ALL of them, before you can get your script produced. And by deleting them, you will lose all those extra pages, meaning you’ll have to write that much more dialog for your script to bring it back up to being a full length script. Which means, by cheating and adding descriptions, you only cheated yourself out of getting your film/play made.

Remember, you want to write an actual producible script here, not a bunch of empty filler. Filler is nothing but tasteless sawdust. Sawdust gets thrown away. Don’t fill your script up with something that gets thrown away. You’ll thank yourself later.

Every unnecessary thing that you don’t add today, is one more thing you will not have to remove before you can submit your script to a director/publisher.

Remember, when is comes to script writing: less is more.

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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“Rule #3: The main character can’t be clinically insane.” What the hell? Who thinks up rules for playwrights? (A Script Frenzy Rant)

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I was reading Marsha Norman’s Tips for Playwrights and was stunned by her #3 choice as a required rule for script writing. Here is what she lists as her three top choices:

Marsha Norman’s Tips for Playwrights

Rule #1: No passive central character;
Rule #2: On or about page 8, tell the audience why they are here and what is at stake, or to put it more simply, when they can go home.
Rule #3: The main character can’t be clinically insane.

Now first off, I can’t stand any one who is so holier-than-thou that they would go so far as to tell you which PAGE NUMBER you should put what on in your script. So right off the back I had a bone to pick with her with her #2 rule, but it was her #3 rule that really spun me off on a rant.

“Rule #3: The main character can’t be clinically insane.” What the hell? Can you believe the audacity of it? Who thinks up rules for playwrights?

I can’t figure out where people come up with these “rules”, I see them all the time, but this one just pissed me off, because it was so ridiculous! I mean 90% of the plays, tv shows, and movies out there have a clinically insane character in them. Of course, being “clinically insane” myself, this is an issue that gets me ranting because I hate the whole stereotype.

Okay: raise your hand if you know the following plays:

Hamlet

A Christmas Carol

Macbeth

Arsenic and Old Lace

Yeah, all feature a clinically insane main character! WOW! I guess THOSE should have flopped big time, huh?

Now what I want to know is, how does she rationalize this idiotic rule? Why can’t the main character be clinically insane? Or maybe I should take it one step farther and ask her: Do you even know what a “clinically insane” person is? Would you know one if you saw one. If you met me face to face would you think I was clinically insane? Probably not. Most people don’t. But guess what? I am.

So I take it that the woman who came up with this ridiculous “Rule #3: The main character can’t be clinically insane.” probably thinks of all “clinically insane” people as a cardboard carbon copy stereotype. Well, I got news for you, I may be crazy, but I ain’t no damned stereotype! And neither are any of my main characters, who, guess what, they are what you would term “clinically insane.”

I have Schizotipal Asperger’s Syndrome. For those who don’t know what that is, it means I have three different mental disorders: Autism, Schizophrenia, and OCD. I am technically considered to be clinically insane. I guess I wouldn’t make a very good main character according to her would I?

All of my main characters are either Schizotypal Aspies, Autistic, Schizophrenic, or OCD. I can’t write about “normal” characters, because I wouldn’t know the first thing about getting inside the head of a “normal” character. I write what I know, as does every writer. =P

Of course, one of the most famous plays ever written was Hamlet, about a guy who walked around talking to skulls, ghosts, invisible being who no one else could see, and over all spent more time in the company of dead people that living people. Interesting.

And what about A Christmas Carol? Can you honestly say that the violent, sadistic Scrooge who spends his nights hob-knobbing with ghosts and spirits is “normal”?

How about Pirates of the Caribbean’s Jack Sparrow? He boldly goes where no sane person could ever go and is not afraid to say as much.

Would you consider Doctor Who to be sane? Most say he’s a raving madman.

So are you saying that main characters like Captain Jack, Scrooge, and Hamlet and I don’t know, just about every other main character ever used in a play, TV show, or movie is NOT clinically insane? Or do you just not know what it is that causes a person to be classified as be clinically insane?

And are you aware that most mental health physicians would quickly classify EVERY Christian who talks (prays) to God – Jesus – Mary, to be clinically insane because they are talking to a person they can not see, never will see, and can not prove exists? So, all in all, sanity really is a question of perspective.

I have to wonder though, how did she come up with that as a rule for writing a script? Nine out of every ten Main characters from hugely successful plays, TV shows, and movies IS in fact considered to be clinically insane, in fact, it’s the plays, TV shows, and movies which feature “normal” main characters that flop.

And while I’m on this subject, let’s talk about the stereotypes shall we? Let’s look at her cloice of words here: “Rule #3: The main character can’t be clinically insane.” Does any one else have a problem with her using the term “clinically insane”?

What’s wrong with it? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it: it’s no different than calling a black person a nigar, THAT’S what’s wrong with it! Just like no person with any sort of dignity would even think to call a black man a nigar, so to would no reputable doctor who ever think to call some one with a learning disability “clinically insane”. The term hasn’t been used medically in a good 60 years, so why do writers persist in using it?

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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Authors want publishers to buy their manuscripts off Amazon??? What the hell?

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I was just reading the blog post: How not to sell your book on Robert J. Sawyer’s Blog, in which he tells of an author who sent him this request:

A few years ago I sent you an email to see if you were interested in publishing my first novel. You were interested but I did not follow up because I was still working on it. Finally it is complete, and I will soon have it posted on Amazon.com.


If you would be interested in reviewing this work for me I would be extremely grateful. If you would be interested in publishing it, I would be even more grateful.

Well, I have to say I have never heard of that one before, and I agree with his answer and comments about it.

OMG! For starters I’m shocked that the query and the mss were separated by *YEARS* not *WEEKS*.

And secondly – I don’t even know where to begin here – I think I could go off on a hundred page rant over this. Secondly, how can any one in their right mind expect a publisher/editor/agent to actually PAY money to read your MSS?

I mean, I could see having a printer print up one single bound copy of your book, so you could doing the editing directly on the pages, before typing up the final MSS to send in, sure. Why not? An expensive way to edit your book, but whatever. But to PUBLISH it and than list it FOR SALE (on Amazon no less), and than ask a publisher to BUY the MSS and than REPRINT it?!?!?!?! What the heck?

***Here I printed up a sample of my manuscript and it’s for sale on Amazon. If you want to publish my book, please buy the manuscript off Amazon first.***

Yeah, I can just see Amazon starting a section for authors to list *unpublished manuscripts* for publishers to buy. LOL! Where do people come up with these ideas anyways?

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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On Making Cover Art for NaNoWriMo Novels

This post is for those who’ve asked how I create the cover art for my books. It’s very simple really, and any one can do it, and it’s 100% free.

I use Paint. It’s pretty much the only image editor I ever used. I have a digital camera, so I take my own photos and the editing them using Paint. I also paint pictures with acrylics and watercolors, than scan them into my computer, and again, edit them using Paint. Over the years I’ve written a ton of books and self published nearly ever one of them, always using my own photographs, my on art, and always editing my cover art, using, you guessed it: Paint.

Here is my cover for this year:

And here is how I made it, with out spending a penny:

I spent last night testing various book cover ideas. I know, I’ve still got a few months of editing to do, before I my book will be ready to publish, but, that doesn’t mean I can’t have the book cover ready ahead of time! Heck, even if I DIDN’T plan on publishing it, I’d still be making a book cover just for the fun of doing it! LOL!

Anyways, I knew ahead of time I wanted a ghostly pale blue and purple color theme for this book, because of the ghost like creature that haunts the village, and I spent the past few hours playing around with various ideas, and than it hit me: if I take a bunch of photos of my garden, I’ll have a lot of pictures that are largely brown and green, which once I invert them on MSPaint, will turn the shade of blue and purple I’m looking for. So I did that, and well, I ended up picking three of the photos of my flower garden, to use to make this cover, and WOW! It came out way better than I had expected it would! I must say, I am very happy with my results here.

Once I had the pictures I wanted to use for my cover, I just went to LuLu and started trying them out against their various cover templates, until I got the layout the way I wanted it.

I always make my book covers using http://www.LuLu.com ‘s book cover template.

All you do is start a new paperback book project. Set it for “private”. Upload a doc file (I have a 175 page “test” file I use for this). And than just keep hitting the next/continue button until you come to the cover art creation section. Than you can create your cover art, using their book cover template. Once you’ve got one you like, tell it to save and create a pdf file. Than open the pdf file and take a screen shot of it.

I use Capture-A-ScreenShot http://www.brothersoft.com/capture-a-screenshot-36279.html to save the picture.

Than I use PhotoBucket http://photobucket.com/ to show folks what I made. But be sure to add the 500 pixel tag to the code, so you can show it on the NaNoWriMo forums. It looks like this: width=”500″

In the end, you have an ACTUAL book cover for your book, and, you already have the book project started on LuLu for when you get done editing, all you have to do after is go back and replace the test word doc with the real word doc, and than you can publish, change setting from private to public and start selling your book.

Hope that helps out. :)

I made my 2008 cover the same way, only with that one, I actually painted the cover art myself with acrylics and water color, instead of taking photos with my camera and editing those. I went through several different paintings and covers before I finally decided on the one that it got published with, which is this one:

NaNovel 2008 For Fear of Little Men by Wendy C Allen

Anyways I’m not a graphic designer by any means, I’m a writer first and a writer always, but with a camera, a $5 paint set, and MS-Paint, I’ve created some pretty good cover art with out spending a penny. And here you can see examples of my end results, one with photography and the art with paint, and with both of them, I am quite happy with my end results.

Likewise my 2007 Script Frenzy book cover was also made the same way:

The Pearl Necklace 2007 NaNoWriMo by Wendy C Allen

and my 2008 NaNoRebel Anthology of Short Stories:

Shiver by Wendy C Allen book cover

And here is the cover I made for my first NaNovel of 2009: Dracula Lives Next Door using the “LuLu method” above, with the help of this free photo editor: http://fotoflexer.com

Dracula Lives Next Door by Wendy C Allen aka EelKat NaNoWriMo 2009 Book cover

NaNoWriMo: You wake you tied to a chair and you know you are about to die . . . so what happens next?

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You wake you tied to a chair and you know you are about to die . . . so what happens next?

Well, I’m taking a break right now so thought I’d post, where I’m at and maybe some one can help me figure out where to go next. I’m going with no plot, so I don’t know what I’ll write when I pick up where I left off again, but here is where I left off:

    My MC (a female reporter) has just woken up it find herself tied to a chair in a cave. She has no idea how she got there. Her arms and legs are tied with seaweed ropes. To make things worse, the cave is on a tiny deserted island a mile or so off shore, and when the tide comes in the entire island disappears under the ocean. She has no idea how she got there and so far has not been able to untie the seaweed ropes, and wouldn’t you know it – the tide is coming in and the cave is fast filling up with water. In a few minutes the island will be submerged once again, and if she doesn’t get herself untied and out of that cave, she will drown.

And that is where I left off. No idea what will happen next. I’m going to take a break, than come back in an hour or so and see if I can get her out of this mess.

Her chances of survival look grim, yet, I have to have her alive at the end. I think.

Of course, I also have to figure out how she got there and how she will escape. Does she escape on her own? Does some one rescue her?

Who tied her up? And Why? And why leave her in that island like that?

Any one got any ideas? Thoughts? Suggestions?

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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NaNoWriMo RE: What Fish Could You, uh, Fish for in the East Coast?

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What Fish Could You, uh, Fish for in the East Coast?




[quote=Bootscooper]In the East Coat, around the tri-state area, what edible fish could you get to eat?


[/quote]


Tri-state – my homeland :) And me living right on the ocean, I’m surrounded by rifle toting lobster man, and get to see the lobster war shoot outs all the time. Fishing is our # one source of income, and it’s big business. If you are not a fishermen, you are related to one, married to one, work for one, or at least know some one who does. Maine is 73% water and has the longest coastline of any other state. Yeah. Every one around here has fish on the brain.

You didn’t say what type of fishing you plan on using so I’ll list both:

Off the coast/deep sea:

    Lobster is #1 (the #3 source of income in Maine, after Tourism and Blueberries. Potatoes and Milk are 4 and 5.) Marlin Shrimp Sea bass Atlantic Salmon Pollack Sea Urchins Halibut Flounder Eels (big ones) Skate (what we call Sting Rays) Octopus Squid Manta Rays (big ones – big, big, big ones – 8 foot wings are not uncommon) folks don’ fish for them, but once in a while one will get caught in a net. People don’t eat them, btw. Shark (lots of types, Sand, Nurse, etc, keep in mind though the Great Whites are extremely rare, so you can mention them, but it would be a fluke to see one around here) Humpback Whales, if your story is set before the anti whaling laws. Whaling was a big business around here in the 1700′s ish. and also Scallops, Clams, Mussel, Crab, and several assorted snails but technically that’s not called “fishing” it’s called “digging”. Also, we are in the “Man o War” region. Man o Wars are giant killer jelly fish, that can get 30 feet long. In warm summers they get washed in along the coast, by the gulf stream. People don’t fish for them, but fisherman do once in a while get killed by them. Areas have to be closed down if any Man o War are sighted, and wait until they head back out to sea again. This only happens once every few years though, and is not that common an event.

Inland – river/lake/pond/stream:

    Eels (small ones) Brown Trout Rainbow Trout Catfish Salmon

Sorry, afraid I don’t know many inland fish, I live right on the ocean and rarely leave town.

I’m afraid I can’t help you with any details or specifics. Ive never been fishing in my whole life! LOL! My boyfriend is a hobby fisherman and my neighbor is a lobster men (every one’s neighbor is a lobster man around here.) and these are the fish they commonly catch and or mention seeing, or have known others to catch. They are the ones I just always hear getting mentioned around town and such.

Also, Harbor Seals are every where, and commonly get caught by mistake, and have to be released. But if your story is set old enough, like before the 1950′s, fisherman used to shot every seal they saw on sight, hundreds and hundreds of them, because the seal attack the nets and traps and lines and steal the fish.

Pretty much every one eats fish, most every meal, every day of the year.

Here in town we have fishing shacks on every street corner. A fishing shack is like a dinner that is run by the wife of some local fisherman, and all they serve is fresh fish. The Clam Bake, Bailey’s, WormWoods, and Ken’s Place are the biggest ones, and attract tourists from all over the world. The Clam Bake is a giant restaurant now as a result.

Hey – why don’t you just read what they sell off their menu? Or ask them on their FaceBook page? Plus all those actual picture of what the stuff looks like cooked should give you plenty to work with. That should help you out:

http://www.clambakerestaurant.com/ or http://www.clambakerestaurant.com/dinners.shtml

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Scarborough-ME/Kens-Place-Seafood-Restaurant/64297093127?v=info (2009 was their 82nd year in business)

These two are right across the street from each other (more or less) and I live right behind them on the beach. :)

and this one is right next door to Ken’s

http://bayleysseafood.com/ and is the one I personally like to eat at most often. I like their Seafood Platter, which is a little bit of everything that got brought in that morning. Usually it includes Haddock fillets, scallops, shrimp, clam strips, etc.

and they make the best Lobster Rolls in Maine. You can’t visit Maine with out trying a Lobster Roll and drinking Moxie.

and here’s one from Portland:

http://www.portlandlobstercompany.com/menu.html

and Moxie btw is this:

http://www.moxiefestival.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moxie

your Maine readers will think your Maine characters are weird if they are NOT drinking Moxie.

You know, you might want to head to the Maine Regional Forums and ask there. Some one might have more info for you.

And writing this list up for you . . . wow! You just gave me some great ideas to add to my story, which, happens to be set in a fishing villsge off the coast of Maine – couldn’t imaging why. ;) =P

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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NaNoWriMo RE: Who publishes?

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The question and my answer:

Who publishes?

[quote=Esmeralda_m]Do any of you go on to publish your books later? [/quote]

Always. I started writing short stories in 1978. All of them published via indie-press chapbooks. Though most never had more than 12 or 15 copies made. =P I moved on the adding novels in 2006, and started writing non-fiction stuff in 2003, but didn’t start pubbing the non-fiction stuff until 2007, which I publish both in print format and online.

[quote=Esmeralda_m] Do you self publish or go through a company? [/quote]

Both. It depends on how you look at it. Some would say I self publish, others would say I don’t. Explanation: I own a publishing house (The Twighlight Manor Press). I publish my own work through said publishing house. Therefor my work is being published via a company, but it is also self published because, I just happen to be the owner of that company. =P

I submit some of my work to the big publishing houses too (Harlequin, Scholastic, etc.) but not very often. Usually I just stick with my own publishing house.

I also am under a work-for-hire contract to write scripts for copyrighted characters (The Duck Family aka Donald Duck and Scrooge McDuck) through Edgmont (Disney Comics). This means technically I work for Disney and can write Disney “fanfic” so long as I follow Disney’s really rigid super strict guidelines and send every thing I write to them.

[quote=Esmeralda_m] Has anybody considered it but not followed through? Why not?[/quote]

I always consider EVERY THING I write as publishable. My theory is there is a market for every thing and every thing that is written, can be edited to make it marketable. (Some stuff just needs more editing than other stuff.) With that thery in mind, every thing I write eventually gets published some where, some how, though in some cases it may take several years of editing to make a piece publishable.

[quote=Esmeralda_m] I’m curious what the statistics are. Who goes “further” than the 30 days of writing and does a 2nd, 3rd, and final draft? Who takes that to a publisher and says “Lookit what I got!” and either gets turned down or accepted. Who opts to Lulu their book, and who takes it to the copy machine at kinkoes. [/quote]

My stuff usually goes through 4 edits, before reaching the final draft. This process can take a few weeks for shorter works, to a year or more for longer works.

Where I send it and how it gets published depends on what it is I wrote.

I taught myself bookbinding and so from the 1970′s through 1980′s my books were hand bound. Papers hand cut. Pages hand sewn, with olde fashioned needle and thread book binding stitch. The words themselves hand done in calligraphy. That’s why there were usually less than 15 copies of each book. It took about a month just to make a single copy. I was like a 15th century monk or something! LOL! =P

I went the desk top printer road in the 1990′s. Quality sucked.

Tried a local print shop once. eeh. Quality still sucked.

In 2005 I switched over to using http://www.LuLu.com for my publishing house’s printer. Quality has skyrocketed. I love it, and will likely stick with them as my printing house from now on.

As for where do I send stuff when I do send it out to an outside publisher?

Well, right off the bat, EVERYTHING I write with a Disney character, gets shipped to Edgmont and from there it’s Disney’s problem. Getting published with Disney, let me tell you – NOT EASY! Pay sucks. It’s not worth it unless you are mega super obsessed with whatever character you are writing about, which I am, so it’s not like I’m going to stop writing Duck stories any time soon. =P

My Harlequin quality stuff gets shipped off to Harlequin for consideration.

Short stories head out to various random magazines depending on genre.

My unagented attempts with Scholastic continue to fail; yeah, I know, I need an agent for Scholastic. Someday when I can afford an agent, I’ll hire one. ;)

What I am most well known for however is my trademark long running, banned, M rated series. My Twighlight Manor series, has since the 1970′s been sent to various publishers, and I get back lots of nice rejections, telling me that my unique writing style is wonderful and they’d really love me to write a different book for them, but my subject matter is just too outside of what can be published main stream, could I tone it done a bit, try to be a little bit more politically correct, use a little less gore, make my teenage rape victims over 18, make my rapists not always elderly men, and could you TRY to write a Happily Ever After ending . . . just once? Hey! I write what I know. Older men rape teenage and preteen girls. Been there. Done that. I was the teenage girl. I’ve known others. It happens. It happens a lot. These girls don’t get peach scent happily ever afters with rose colored glasses. I write about it. I write about it a lot. I write it like it is in the real world, older men, 8 year old girls and all. I’m not going to glamorize it and make it into some pretty happy romance story because that’s what people want to read. This is not romance, this is a girl traumatized for life in a world that would rather look the other way and protect the false integrity of their beloved church leaders. You know what? Life for these girls is hell, in a world that doesn’t care, why should I tone it down and make it more digestible for the reader when it isn’t digestible for the real victims? No! I won’t do it. Some one has to speak out for these girls, and I’m not changing these books just because you don’t like it.

And so, my Twighlight Manor Books, continue on published via indie press and remain to date, still not mass produced. And I am being excommunicated from my church for writing them, because well, it’s a big No-No to say anything against one of their priests. :(

Actually, I’m being excommunicated for writing my autobiography, the 433 page story behind the story of the Twighlight Manor books. My autobiography was what I wrote for NaNoWriMo 2008. It took a year to edit, went through 4 drafts, and was edited online with the help of some of my online friends. The draft had been posted on my blog, which, unknown to me, my bishop reads, and when he read what I had to say about several of the leaders in our local church building, he just flipped out, and called me into his office and DEMANDED that I not publish this book or else. Or else? He’d rather hide his head in the sand and protect the criminals in his church, than stand out in the open and protect the innocent victims????? Well, that book got published a month ago, and so I got called in again and told I was being excommunicated from the church. Oh well. Such is life. My NaNovel 2008 has become some what of a local controversy, and really, I don’t see why my bishop is going all freak out like this, but whatever.

As for this years NaNovel, yep. It’s being published. At the moment I’m planning on going through my own publishing house. (Which currently PODs books via http://www.LuLu.com btw, no more hand bound books for me! LOL!)

[quote=Esmeralda_m] I’m just kinda curious since I’m thinking of persuing more than a one month fling with my characters. I have a professional artist, willing to do the cover, and a professional editor even, but I’m intimidated by the prospect of tranforming a nanobook into a “real” novel. Can a nano even BE a real novel?

[/quote]

Every year, about 3 or 4 NaNovels get accepted through Harlequin. They even have a place to submit special NaNoWriMo submissions to them. (Check out their web site, info changes each year). If you are writing romance, Harlequin is very open to reading NaNovels.

and one word: Eragon.

Look up the Hal Spacejock series. Long running series of best sellers, every volume was writing right here on NaNoWriMo

Every year hundreds of NaNovels get published. A few through mainstream big publishers, but most through small press, indie press, and self published POD (LuLu and CreateSpace).

So, yeah, a NaNovel can be a real novel. All you got to do it edit, edit, edit, polish, polish, polish, and submit, submit, submit! EVERY THING you write, can be published, it’s all in the amount of time you are willing to put into editing it after you write it.

There are probably a lot more mainstream published NaNovels out there than we realize too, because a lot of authors, don’t tell you here on NaNoWriMo who they are and just come on here, write their draft, and never tell any one they wrote it via NaNo. Besides, when you submit it to a publisher, there is no reason to tell the publisher where your wrote the book. The publisher couldn’t care less wither you wrote it on NaNoWriMo or in an igloo on top of Mt Everest. All they want to know, is will our readers want to read it?

You will only need a cover artist if you plan to self publish. Authors have no say or control when it comes to cover art on their books, unless they are self publishing the book.

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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NaNoWriMo RE: Hi I am… and I tend to write a lot of…

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I like this writing exercise. It helps you to focus on what you write and what you need to work on, as well as helps you to see what your “style is”. The entire original post is very very long, so you’ll need to click on the link to read the whole thing, as I only quoted the very start of it, so you’d know what I was responding to.

Hi I am… and I tend to write a lot of…

[quote=Kimberly Dawn]

Move at will… but I think this is on topic…

I’m not sure how to get out of the rut of these principle scenes I tend to write tons of. But I thought if I shared what I tend to write a lot of, someone else out there will have another crux and I can try to bum off of them their weakness for writing those scenes and we can help each other…

I tend to write a lot of pet scenes. This has to do with dogs, snakes, whatever pet is on hand. Don’t have a pet I make up one. Dogs are the most useful for me, but I take horses, dragons, etc.

Lots of scenes on food. Almost every book I’ve written has ….READ MORE… [/quote]

And here is my answer about my own writing:

The weather – lots of it. Wind. Fog. Rain. Thunder. Lightening. Hurricanes. Blizzards. I’m really good at lengthy (2000 words or more) descriptions of weather related things. Tonight I just wrote a 2k scene where my MC gets caught walking during a thunder storm, I spent most of the 2k describing the black clouds and lightening bolts! LOL! And even when I’m not writing long descriptions of weather, the weather is there: wind in her hair, wind in the trees, she can smell the fog, he hears the rain on the roof etc, etc, etc. Boy, I should have been a meteorologist or something. I’d be good at writing weather reports for the meteorologists to read on TV! LOL!

Aghasty men who brood about dead wives, and usually have dead wife’s coffin in his bedroom or dining room or some place else in the house so he can sit there staring at it and going all Vincent Price/Edgar Alan Poe monologuing about death and eternity and soul mates and lost love. Yep, I was raised on Vincent Price movies and Edgar Alan Poe books, one look at any thing I write will tell you that in a flash.

Monologuing. BIG TIME! My MCs are prone to sitting themselves down and than talking to themselves about the way things are, the way things should have been, and how cruel and wicked life has been to them. I can make one of my male MC’s drone on like that for 9k words without stopping to take a breath!

The ocean. It’s always there. My characters can’t get away from it. They are drawn too it. Mesmerized by it. Often I have mermen, guys who’s dead wife was a mermaid, silkies, kelpies, eels, and all sorts of other real and mythical sea creatures in my stories. I have writing hundreds of stories over the years and every single one of them was set on a beach, in a cove, on the cliffs, on a ship, under the sea, etc. Always the ocean is there. The ocean is so in your face in every thing I write, that it is almost a character itself.

Pretty much everything I write has a big gloomy stone house overlooking the ocean, owned by a broody goth guy morning a dead wife, and there are lots of dark gloomy clouds and thunder storms rolling in off the ocean. It’s like everything I write, no matter what the story is, that is the basic setting or backdrop for the story.

I did grow up on the shores of the cold, stormy North Atlantic Ocean, and being farmers weather effected our lives a lot, and Vincent Price was my fave actor and Edgar Alan Poe was my fave author, so, yeah, I guess you could say I’m one of those people who writes what I know. =P

Most of that stuff, isn’t all that bad, seeing how I write creepy goth horror, and those things all fit in with the genre well. I do have one problem that I get stuck on real bad, and it is that I write like this:

Dialog, dialog, dialog, MC sits alone and monologues to self for 30 pages, dialog, dialog, dialog, dialog, BOOM! CRASH! BANG! (weather), looooooooooooooooooooong pointless narrative about haunted house-ocean-weather, MC sits alone and monologues to self once again while hallucinating about ghost of dead wife haunting him, dialog, dialog, dialog, dialog, dialog . . .

Yeah. All that dialog is my problem. I’ll have two characters start talking, back and forth – for 100 pages. Not a word of narrative, not even any “he said/she said” tags! Just straight dialog. It’s like reading a play. The only time they stop talking about the MC is when the MC starts monologuing to himself.

It’s not that I can’t write descriptive narrative. I can. I’m wicked good at it too. My problem is shutting up my characters long enough so that I can add some narratives between all that dialogging!

And than there’s one other problem. Sex. Smut. Erotica. When I finally do get my characters to shut up, they all jump into bed together. Usually every one of them all together all at once too. Except for the gloomy MC with the dead wife. Gloomy guy + dead wife – yep necrophiliac, got a lot of that in many of my stories, LOTS of it. I had one guy who was a necrophiliac first gloomy widower later, and ended up with 70 dead wives in his attic, just so he could have sex with a different wife each night. My gloomy guys usually should be in a metal institute, but live so far off in the middle of no where (on a cliff over looking the ocean. . . . the middle of no where is always over looking the ocean no matter where it is.) that no body knows they are out there doing the weird freaky things they are doing while they mourn dead wife. If I could keep the sex scenes a little less freaky deaky, I would have a lot more mass produces books and a lot less indie press books. =P

Incubus: Fear the Night!

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RE: How the hell did some of you people get to the word count you’re at? (NaNoWriMo)

how the hell did some of you people get to the word count you’re at?

My history with NaNo has been somewhat dramatic and for years I have been known as one of the site’s yearly returning over achievers. To reach 50k was never once my goal, heck, I write more than that in a normal month anyways, 50k is nothing (for me at least.) My word counts each year have soared through the roof, and by my past history I should have reached 50k several days ago. (Last year I hit 50k on day 3 – which inspired an inbox full of flaming NaNoHateMails).

My goal this year was simple: To beat my word count from last year (which was 238,135). To make things simple, I just said I’ll aim at 250k, but than I added, I’d really like to double that and go for 500k this year.

Well, that was in October. Than October 20th I had a stroke. Nothing big, but enough to slow me down and make me lose a bit of my coordination skills, which are slowly returning, but still, I’m having difficulty with some things I previously had no problems with. Than to make things just a little bit worse, due to my being in the doctor’s office on the 21st, I ended up coming down with H1N1 flue on the 23rd, and was out of sorts for the next 14 days, bed ridden from the worst flue I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Long story short – my first week at NaNoWriMo this year was cut drastically due to my health not being at it’s peak, and now instead of being in the 100k range I should be at by the end of week one, I’m ended with first week of NaNoWriMo with a miserable 30k. :( :( :(

I’m feeling much better this week, so hopefully I well get back on track. In any case, seeing how I’m so far behind, I don’t think it’s a realistic goal for me to be aiming at 250k any more. I could probably do it if I pushed myself, but I’m still not 100% over the flue yet, so pushing myself is not really an option this year. As a result I changed my goal. My new goal is to end at some point between 100k and 500k. I figure I’m still in the running to hit 100k before the end of the month, and as long as I do that, I’ll be happy, but than once I hit 100k, I plan to keep right on going, just to see how far past it I can make it before the 30th.

As for, how I do it? Well, this year, of course my health has slowed me down, but even so, I’m still getting a pretty high word count. There is however a simple answer to your question:

I am a professional writer. I don’t have a “regular” day job. Writing IS my day job. I wrote my first book in 1978 and haven’t stopped since. I write fiction, non-fiction, how to books, short stories, articles, chap books, children’s chapter books, novels, novellas, and I write an average of 7k words per day, 5 days per week, 52 weeks per year, for the last 31 years.

I’m an “older” woman. In other words, I finished school many years before most of the other NaNoWriters were even born. Thus I have no school work to worry about either.

I am single. No husband or children under feet. I do however have 19 cats.

I do not have a TV. I can write during times when other NaNoWriters are being interrupted by their Soaps, News, Sports, whatever.

I suffer from Agoraphobia and PTSD. I’ve left the house less than a dozen times in the past 30 years.

My day goes like this:

    I get up at 7AM and start writing.

    Around noon I cook lunch, and than check the forums (which is why I’m here at this very moment.)

    From about 2PM to about 7PM I do whatever needs being done around the house/yard. If I have time I read during this time too.

    Between 7Pm – 9PM it’s time to cook and eat and read. At 9PM it’s back on the computer to write until Midnight.

    Five minutes before Midnight I update my word count that cruise the forums for a couple of hours.

    I go to bed around 3AM, sleep 4 hours and start over again the next day.

That is my schedule all year long – not just during NaNoWriMo, btw. As you can see, my days are spent pretty much doing nothing but writing all day long each and every day. I average 8 hours of writing per day. Just as others spend 8 hours a day at work, so too do I spend 8 hours a day a work, it’s just that I work at home and my job is to write.

What that all means is, I am at home 24 hours a day, and thus I am writing morning, noon, and night. And NaNoWriMo or no NaNoWriMo, I would being writing 100k to 200k this month anyways, so I might as well do it here with you guys rather than do it alone, like I do the rest of the 11 months of the year.

So, when you look at those of us who are way far ahead of the rest, think of it this way – most of us, have done NaNoWriMo many years now, and most of us are profession full time or part time writers who would have written this much anyways, even if NaNoWriMo did not exist, AND once upon a time, long ago and far a way, we were like you, trying to figure out how others found time to write. We didn’t always write like this. It took us many years of practice to learn how to make time to write.

If you have time (like 4 or 5 hours) to read a really long, really detail explanation about how I do it, you can read this: http://www.squidoo.com/The13StepMethod which I wrote specifically for NaNoWriters who ask this question to me dozens of times every single year.

Think of it as playing the piano – you don’t start out at Carnegie Hall, it takes years of practice to get there. You can’t do it over night, but if you stick with it and devote years of your life to practicing, you will eventual reach your goal and become, the writer with high word counts. Slow and steady wins the race, so, don’t worry about it. Just write what you can, when you can. If you have to, get up an hour earlier and go to bed an hour later and write while eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Oh yeah – and Moxie – seriously – lots of Moxie. I drink two cases of Moxie a week during November. The caffeine high has me writing at super hyper speeds, even when I had H1N1 and shouldn’t have been able to write a word. Forget RedBull giving you wings – Moxie gives you jets packs!

Moxie btw way, for those who never heard of it: http://www.moxiefestival.com/

All Hail Bela Lugosi!
Dracula!

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Day 2 and Nearing 5k (NaNoWriMo)

just hit 4713 words – trying to hit 5k before midnight

I bet I would have hit 5k hours ago if I didn’t stop every 5 minutes to rush back here and update my word count! LOL! I’ve been updating my word count about every 25 words. ROTFLMAO! LOL! LOL!

All Hail Bela Lugosi!
Dracula!

http://twitter.com/EelKat
http://www.facebook.com/EelKat
http://eknano.blogspot.com

Find Out More About My 2008 NaNoWriMo Book Which the LDS/Mormon Church is up in arms about. (NOTE – this link goes to the unedited proof of the book and not to the actual listing.)

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

Blingo

So how’s NaNoWriMo going?

I logged in at 7PM and than went on Twitter and did a count down all over the world – It was like New Years Eve – watching folks in New Zealand shout out that midnight hit; than Australia folks started screaming it was midnight, and it just keep going on like that – I started getting really freaked out when the UK folks started writing, because I’m on the Eastern most point of the USA and that meant I was next in line to start screaming midnight. At midnight I was logged in and typing and freaking out and I did not get any sleep last night at all because once I hit 1667, I rushed back to Twitter and was shouting out word counts with every one else. OMG! Twitter and NaNo at the same time is so much fun. and Twitter and NaNo at midnight all over the world is just amazing!

I had my plot all ready to go – outlined, character bios, world created – spent 2 months writing it all up, was all excited and ready to go. Than midnight strikes and I start writing a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT plot all together!

I stayed up all night (seeing how it was Halloween) watching Bela Lugosi movies. The Devil Bat ended at 12:13 and I started writing and before I realized what I was doing I found myself writing Bela Lugosi/Dracula fan-fic instead of my plot! Now I have no plot, no characters (except Bela Lugosi), no world created, and yet, here I am writing away at the seat of my pants with no idea where it’s going, and I’m actually liking it and it’s surprisingly really good – damn good! YAY! I may have something worth publishing when I get done!

Just breezed past 2500 words! YAY! Hoping I can reach 5k before the end of the day. Looks like I might make it too. Going good.

It’s only the first day and I’m already procrastinating.

yep – I hit 2900, my goal was 5k for day one, but I got close to 3k and went, I gotta go shout out on Twitter and FaceBook and the forums and my blog and my other blog and call my boyfriend and tell him about it and oh look I need to play Vampire Wars to try to get the extra Halloween prizes I didn’t snag yesterday and oh I need to plant more pumpkins on Paradise Island before the limited edition seeds expire and by the way I need to check my FarmVille cows to see if they need milking and oh yeah I better see what my writing buddies are doing on the forums and I wonder what their word counts are and maybe I should grab some more Dares while I’m there and by the way . . . .

yep, I’m already procrastinating big time. :)

My inner editor is winning this year – YIKES! I’ve been correcting and editing as I go – my word count would be twice as high if I didn’t stop rushing back to fix things every other sentence! ACK!

Find Out More About My 2008 NaNoWriMo Book Which the LDS/Mormon Church is up in arms about. (NOTE – this link goes to the unedited proof of the book and not to the actual listing.)

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

Blingo

The “I Just Completed a NaNoDare!” ShoutOut

It’s the attack of the NaNoDare thread – I’m doing a NaNovel heavy on the Dares this year, and I know lots of you guys are doing the same, so here’s a thread to crash on and shout out each time you completed one of your dares!

I’ll go first -

I’m 4 hours and 2,964 words into my novel and already I’ve got dare shout outs coming left and right. Here’s what I’ve done so far:

- my MC is wearing yellow socks with pink bunnies on them

- his mom is making garlic bread out of rancid yak butter

- his best friend keeps saying “Oh my strawberry Pop-Tart of joy and spectacularly worn T-shirt of sexiness” at the end or beginning of every sentence

- a famous celebrity has made a cameo appearance – my celebrity of choice was Bela Lugosi

- the villain (Bela Lugosi) just sang “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” at an unexpected moment

yep – the dares are coming along fine, and surprisingly, so far they have all made perfectly logical sense for my story! YAY!

- the first line of your story must be: “Where the hell are my pants?”

It was through my MC looking for his pants, that he ended up accidentally putting on his sister’s yellow socks with pink bunnies on them, so I ended up using 2 dares in one with that! YAY!

and an update on the rancid yak butter – part of the dare was to use it as a weapon, well, I haven’t used it as a weapon yet, but the fact that my MC’s mom is using it to make Garlic Bread in a story about vampires – yeah, there’s a good chance of my using rancid yak butter as a weapon at some point before Nov 30th rolls around! YAY!

I couldn’t find the original rancid yak butter dare, and I couldn’t remember which year’s archive it was in, but at the Saco meetings we’ve been talking about a million and one ways to use rancid yak butter – it’s like been the main topic of discussion at every meeting so far! LOL!

We’ve talked about using it to build Igloos with, filling the White House with it instead of jello ;) , ways to use it as a weapon, etc.

I couldn’t figure out what to do with it until last night when midnight struck and I started writing. My plot I was going to write was about Jack Frost and a Frost Zombie apocalypse. But it was Halloween and my shelves are full of Vincent Price and Bela Lugosi DVDs and I spent 3 days watching nothing but.

I was still watching them when midnight rolled around and I got to start typing. And that’s when something strange happened – I found myself writing about 3 kids who saw this box being delivered to a deserted house and it turns out to be Dracula’s coffin, and they meet up with Bela Lugosi and for some odd reason one of the boy’s mother has joined a Tibetan yoga group that is lead by a monk that raises yaks and makes yak butter and so, the kids come home from discovering that Dracula has moved in next door to find their mom cooking garlic bread with rancid yak butter! LOL!

OMG! I have no idea where any of that came from, except I spent 3 meetings talking about rancid yak butter followed by three days of vampre movies and ended up writing that. I think the kids are going to end up fighting Dracula with Rancid Yak Butter Garlic Bread – and the way it’s going right now, rancid yak butter is going to be a MAJOR plot element this year! LOL!

I must rush back to the Dare Thread and find more dares. OMG! I love Dares, I’m going to try to have at least one dare on every page of my entire novel this year. :)

Find Out More About My 2008 NaNoWriMo Book Which the LDS/Mormon Church is up in arms about. (NOTE – this link goes to the unedited proof of the book and not to the actual listing.)

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

Blingo

What Makes a Vampire, a Vampire?

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Okay, so I’ve got my plot all ready to go, spent 3 months outlining, in 2 days I start writing, I’m doing good too, no vampires in sight – ghosts and zombie, but not a single vampire, and suddenly today, October 30th, I start thinking – tomorrow is Halloween! YAY! Got to go watch every Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price movie under the sun for the next 24 hours!!!! Yep, I’m weird, I know – every Halloween I pull out mountains of Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price DVDs and spend the whole day going classic vampire crazy. Oh no! Two days before NaNoWriMo I have a different plot ready to write and than Halloween shows up and messes up my train of thought and now all I can think about is vampires and how much I want to write a vampire story. :(

Okay, so I’m still doing my Frost Zombie apocalypse and I’m planning on 75k for that, but you know me, since when I have written less than 200k for NaNoWriMo? What that means is, I can go ahead and do a second NaNovel, and if I can go ahead and do a second NaNovel, than why can’t I go ahead and spend Halloween planning a vampire NaNovel? Can I outline an entire novel in less than 24 hours? Who knows, but I’m going to try.

So, here’s where I come to you guys. I’m trying to figure out what exactly it is, I think of when I think of vampires. Who are my vampires? What is it that makes my vampires, different from humans? What makes a vampire a vampire?

So, I am compiling a list of classic vampire things, (I prefer classic Bela Lugosi style Dracula vampires, btw, so that’s what I’m focusing on, and if any one has anything they want to add to this list, feel free to jump in and add your thoughts.

Here is my list so far:

Things that make a Vampire a Vampire:

- drinks blood
- is undead
- looks like Bela Lugosi ;)
- dresses like Bela Lugosi =P

“Regular” Vampires have the following abilities:
“Super Powerful” Vampires also have the additional “rare” abilities:

Movement Abilities:

-Inhuman Speed
-Unearthly Reflexes
-Vertical Ascension (climbs walls)
-Gliding (with help of cape)
-Bat Form
-Mist Form
-Flight
-Move Silently

Rare Movement Abilities

-Clown Frenzy
-Astral Projection
-Dodge Daylight
-Spider Climb
-Cat’s Grace
-Shadow Conceal

Offensive Abilities

-Fangs
-Vampiric Claws
-Enhanced Senses
-Animalistic Frenzy
-Superhuman Strength
-Mind Control
-Wolf Form
-Horrific Transformation
-Glamor

Rare Offensive Abilities

-Pyrokinesis
-Corrosion
-Control Mall Santas
-Ironic Annihilation
-Purge Blood
-Pestilence
-Mummification
-Blood Soaked Vengeance (Carrie)
-Hellfire
-Demonic Familiar
-Bloodletting
-Vampire Lord
-Summon Horseman
-Shadow Transformation
-Bone Spikes
-Demon Summoning
-Telepathy
-Drain Youth
-Raise Zombies
-Invisibility
-Shadow Manipulation
-Blood to Ashes
-Command a Wolf Pack
-Command Rat Swarm
-Cause Madness
-Intoxicating Bite

Defensive Abilities

-Fast Healing
-Impervious to bullets
-Intimidation

Rare Defensive Abilities

-Veil of Thorns
-Winged Guard
-Premonition
-Indestructible
-Iron Skin
-Create Illusion
-Immunity to Religious Icons
-Immaterial (can walk through solid walls)
-Resistance to Sunlight
-Immunity to Silver

(This list was copied from the Zanga Game Vampire Wars, btw)

So, what do you think makes a Vampire a Vampire? Are the things on my list enough, too much, or not enough? I’m not really worrying about cliches and such. I figure if it’s too cliche, well tough luck, I’ll just have cliched vampires than. I’ve always been mesmerized by Bela Lugosi as Dracula, he’s the best vampire ever and he’s what I think of when I think of vampires, so he’s what I’ve got stuck in my head right this moment – of course it helps that I just watched Dracula last night too :)

This blog post, btw, started out in life as a NaNoWriMo Thread, What Makes a Vampire, a Vampire? So if you have an answer, you should post your answer on the thread itself. Okay? Cool!

Find Out More About My 2008 NaNoWriMo Book Which the LDS/Mormon Church is up in arms about. (NOTE – this link goes to the unedited proof of the book and not to the actual listing.)

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Blingo

>Some thoughts on Submitting MSS —

>
black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Okay, so while I’m waiting for the NaNoWriMo site relaunch and taken a break from NaNoNovel plot outlining, I’ve been zipping around the net reading posts from various blogs for writers (a common habit for me, though you don’t often hear me mentioning that I do it.) I don’t often comment on blogs, and it’s even less common for me to link back to a post and write my own post about the other one, but today I was reading NATHAN BRANSFORD – LITERARY AGENT blog and found THIS POST quite interesting, enough to require me to comment AND post about it.

The post talks about previously published authors, who due to recent publisher shutdowns, are now seeking agents to represent them to new publishing houses. As many of my readers know, I don’t use an agent, so don’t myself seek them out, but I do however read their blogs and websites because they give some of the best advice out there.

One part of his post, stood out to me, and I’ll quote that section here:

I want to hear from previously published authors.

But these queries often take this form:

Dear Agent,

I published this book, it got these reviews, etc. etc. etc.

I teach here, I have a blurb by this person, etc. etc. etc.

I am a professional writer, I am back in the game, looking for new representation, etc. etc. etc.

Did I mention my previous book that was most definitely published? Here’s more about it etc. etc. etc.

And oh by the way I have a new project.

Sincerely,
Previously Published Author

Do people actually say things like that? Well, yes, I know they do. Back when I had opened The Twighlight Manor Press to public submissions I got a lot of letters exactly like that. =/ Weird. It doesn’t matter how often I see it or how often I hear others mention it, the fact that people send out letters like this, always amazes me.

WOW! When I’m submitting, I don’t ever mention past books or even that I’m published before! I focus on the book at hand, looking for future contracts, not books past and fluffing them.

Besides, I publish with so many different pen names it wouldn’t do me any good to point out “Hey, I published this book” because you’d look at it and go “Huh? But someone else’s name is on it.” :)

Of course the commenter’s on this post had many varying things to say about this, but I agree with commenter @Margaret-Yang *Publication DOESN’T guarantee a free pass. And yes, you still need ANOTHER good book and compelling hook to interest an agent.* That’s what I say too. That’s why I don’t focus on my past books, just on whatever the book I’m working on here and now.

Well, I suppose you could call this a mini rant. Whatever. I just think writers would do much better if they could learn a bit of letter writing etiquette.

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Blingo

Some thoughts on Submitting MSS —

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Okay, so while I’m waiting for the NaNoWriMo site relaunch and taken a break from NaNoNovel plot outlining, I’ve been zipping around the net reading posts from various blogs for writers (a common habit for me, though you don’t often hear me mentioning that I do it.) I don’t often comment on blogs, and it’s even less common for me to link back to a post and write my own post about the other one, but today I was reading NATHAN BRANSFORD – LITERARY AGENT blog and found THIS POST quite interesting, enough to require me to comment AND post about it.

The post talks about previously published authors, who due to recent publisher shutdowns, are now seeking agents to represent them to new publishing houses. As many of my readers know, I don’t use an agent, so don’t myself seek them out, but I do however read their blogs and websites because they give some of the best advice out there.

One part of his post, stood out to me, and I’ll quote that section here:

I want to hear from previously published authors.

But these queries often take this form:

Dear Agent,

I published this book, it got these reviews, etc. etc. etc.

I teach here, I have a blurb by this person, etc. etc. etc.

I am a professional writer, I am back in the game, looking for new representation, etc. etc. etc.

Did I mention my previous book that was most definitely published? Here’s more about it etc. etc. etc.

And oh by the way I have a new project.

Sincerely,
Previously Published Author

Do people actually say things like that? Well, yes, I know they do. Back when I had opened The Twighlight Manor Press to public submissions I got a lot of letters exactly like that. =/ Weird. It doesn’t matter how often I see it or how often I hear others mention it, the fact that people send out letters like this, always amazes me.

WOW! When I’m submitting, I don’t ever mention past books or even that I’m published before! I focus on the book at hand, looking for future contracts, not books past and fluffing them.

Besides, I publish with so many different pen names it wouldn’t do me any good to point out “Hey, I published this book” because you’d look at it and go “Huh? But someone else’s name is on it.” :)

Of course the commenter’s on this post had many varying things to say about this, but I agree with commenter @Margaret-Yang *Publication DOESN’T guarantee a free pass. And yes, you still need ANOTHER good book and compelling hook to interest an agent.* That’s what I say too. That’s why I don’t focus on my past books, just on whatever the book I’m working on here and now.

Well, I suppose you could call this a mini rant. Whatever. I just think writers would do much better if they could learn a bit of letter writing etiquette.

Find Out More About My 2009 NaNoWriMo Project

What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear what you have to say about this post. Leave a comment and share your views!

———-
Editing and Drafts
Create a Fantasy Realm
Advice For NaNoWriters!
Creating Character Profiles
Are You A Renegade A Writer?
How To Become a Better Writer
The Top 5 Tools For NaNoWriMo
What Genre Is My Vampire Story?
Where Do You Get Your Ideas?
Improving your writing with what you read.
Have You Written Your Author’s Interview Yet?
How I Reached 50,000 in 30 Days and You Can Too!
———-

Thank You Kitty. . .Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

————-

black birdfall leaves centerblack bird

Blingo